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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told ds he can't go trick or treating?

68 replies

wannaBe · 30/10/2007 17:24

he asked this morning. A friend is taking her dd and some others tomorrow. And I've said no.

It's glorified begging imo and I really don't get this huge halloween histeria that seems to have erupted over the past few years.

OP posts:
tegan · 30/10/2007 17:35

I totally agree with you.

I was never allowed to go as a child and whave never and will never let my children go.

It is a glorified form of begging.

meemar · 30/10/2007 17:44

If you don't agree with it in principle YANBU to stop him from going.

Is he old enough to be able to explain your reasons?

eleusis · 30/10/2007 17:55

I think it is mean to tell a child he can not go trick or treating while his friends go. Just plain mean.

It isn't begging. It is one night of the year where kids get a free for all on huge quantities of junk -- that is heaven to a child.

Get off your moral high ground and let your kid have a bit of fun.

YABU

unknownrebelbang · 30/10/2007 17:57

Your child your choice, wannabe.

Sometimes I tell my boys they can't do things that their friends are allowed to do.

I must be mean.

cluelessnchaos · 30/10/2007 18:01

I dont think YABU but the bit about being glorified begging is missing the point, it is a minor part of halloween, it is all about dressing up and which costume they are going to wear. Last year the weather was so bad we had a spontaneaous halloween party and no kid mumbled about missing out on sweets and happily handed out sweets to everyone who had braved the weathers.

Twiglett · 30/10/2007 18:03

we go to friends' houses on our road anyway

but totally accept friends who don't do it .. they have to have put a halloween decoration out for us to knock

it is a personal decision but i do think it is becoming so popular that the kids talk about it and it will become harder and harder to ignore

a way round it is to invite a few friends back for sausages a la halloween ...

pointydog · 30/10/2007 18:08

can you change your thinking so that you don;t see it as glorified begging? Like encouraging your child to sing a song?

Lorayn · 30/10/2007 18:08

DD asked me today if she could go trick or treating, I said no, she was having a party so her and her friends didnt have to go round knocking peoples doors, it's different if you know them.
If we do decide to go there is an american base near to us where we have been told by some of the residents they welcome trick or treating and really go all out for it, because they would have done at home, but that you only go to decorated houses.
So no, IMO, YANBU, certainly not mean!

ghoulmoonfiend · 30/10/2007 18:09

I hate it and used to do a small party instead. But as the boys got older and all their friends did it, I relented. I still hate it but they adore the whole thing, dressing up, being out in the dark - the sweeties are almost an incidental.
I like to think we do do it as responsibly as possible - We only go to houses where it is obvious that we would be welcomed. And we have taken to joining forces with the neighbours so other neighbous get us all en masse rather than having to open the door every 5 mins. All the children say thank you etc. We do not go after 6.30pm.

roisin · 30/10/2007 18:12

You have to do what's right for you and your family. My boys are well-used to the fact that we have different rules, guidelines, and lifestyle to many of their friends. Some pluses some minuses (in their eyes), and they just accept it.

I don't like Halloween door-knocking and never have. Because they have been mature and sensible in their requests dss are being allowed to go out this year for the first time (they are 8 and 10), with some strict rules.

But I still don't like it. Next year I will aim to negotiate a special night out for them and a friend each and escape all the Halloween nonsense.

BritTex · 30/10/2007 18:20

I have just moved back from the States and have a 5 year old DS, so have done the halloween thing over there for 5 years. I am saddened that Halloween is not viewed or appreciated the same way here In the States it a childrens holiday, an opportunity for them to dress up, have fun, visit and enjoy the decorated houses in their neighborhoods and spend family time together. My friends and I would take turns hosting the party and would bake cakes and biscuits, chilli or something warm and had a nice big family and friends party. Then as a group we would walk the neighborhood along with everyone one else with their kids and a jolly good time was had by all. I have not seen or ever heard anyone in the states refer to it as begging. I do however see your point. I am yet to tell DS that we are not going Trick or Treating as I know it is not going to be the same here. I think the difference is in the attitude, in the US it has been a holiday for a long time and now is a tradition, its something DH did as a child. honestly in the US it is a positive thing. one big difference that I have noticed is that the kids here dress in the traditional halloween costumes, witches, skelectons bats cats ect, in the US it is whatever they want, the kids discuss it for weeks and become superheros, princesses or the latest Disney character which i think takes the darker side out of it? Each child is also taught to take one sweet from each door and in my town kids were encouraged to donate half their haul to charity.

I just wanted to share with you that there is a positive side to the Halloween Holiday . I would be nice if the sentiment extended to this side on the pond.. but I doubt it, its not off to a very good start.

Original poster
wannaBe · 30/10/2007 18:48

?It is one night of the year where kids get a free for all on huge quantities of junk?. I think all too often though that phrase can be used as an excuce to let our kids do what they want. Kids these days have ample opportunity to have a free for all on huge quantities of junk, Christmas, easter, the hoards and hoards of birthday parties they seem to be invited to these days, Halloween is certainly not the only chance in the year that children get to stuff their faces with junk.

BritTex I do take your point, I think however that the difference between here and the states is that in the states Trick or treating is a family event where predominantly the little kids dress up and get candy without malice, whereas here it seems to be the green light for hoards of yobs who are almost at the legal age of consent, to go out and terrorise people by egging houses and throwing fireworks and generally causing mayhem. That takes away from the whole thing IMO and I really don?t want to be associated with that.

OP posts:
beautifuldays · 30/10/2007 18:52

i don't like it either, it is glorifies begging, and i don't lke the sentiment behind it -'give me some sweets or i'll play a nasty trick on you'.

also it's bloody dangerous IMHO. so no you are not being unreasonable

twinsetandpearls · 30/10/2007 18:53

Halloween is lovely on this road, people put out a pumpkin or some kind of decoration if they want to take part and we take it in turns each year to do a party for the kids.

They then go trick or treating in a group, again parents take it in turns to supervise and they only go where they know they are welcome.

Every year there is a lovely atmosphere, last year I remmber going out to watch the kids after the party and the street must have had about five groups of kids all dressed up and people willingly making the effort.

Certainly not begging but people coming together to provide fun and a community spirit.

BritTex · 30/10/2007 18:54

the yob thing is exactly why we will be staying home this Halloween

twinsetandpearls · 30/10/2007 18:55

I don;t live in particularly nice town, infact where I live very few people would wish to be, although I do admittedly live in a nicer area and there is no yob culture at all, although it helps that I teach most of our "yobs" and they know I can phone home in flash

BritTex · 30/10/2007 18:57

something funny.. in the US when a kid says "trick or treat" say trick to them and see the reaction..

twinsetandpearls · 30/10/2007 18:57

Our halloween sounds very similar to your US experience Britex, and most of us are regular church goers and make up for our night of wickedness at mass in the morning

BritTex · 30/10/2007 18:58

They just look at you blank. (there is no trick)

beautifuldays · 30/10/2007 19:01

i know there's not trick! it's the sentiment behind it tho that i don't like

FrightOwl · 30/10/2007 19:03

we do it. i dont have a problem with it. tomorrow i will be buying crap for the trick or treaters and if they want money they can shove it, because it isnt about that.

i take my kids to people we know or people with pumpkins out. they are supervised and dont harm anyone.

i dont agree that its glorified begging..i suppose the same could be said about a letter to santa?

so true about the trick...my kids dont have one!

spottyshoes · 30/10/2007 19:04

Yes it is begging. Would you allow your children to walk up to strangers and ask for things normally? Not everybody agrees with/wants to participate in Halloween so why should you go knocking on their door?
I find it bloody annoying to have the doorbell going every 5 minutes with sulky 15 yr olds demanding quids Last year we had over a dozen calls - Only 2 of which were a group of little children with their parents!!!! Tbh I find it quite intimidating if i'm in on my own and gangs of teenagers come to the door. This year I have a baby so will be annoyed if he is woken up loads

Baa humbug from me!

We will go trick or treating around family and friends houses only and have a wee party with daft games. We wont be bothering anyone else with it.

ghoulmoonfiend · 30/10/2007 19:06

beautifuldays - are you a levellers fan by any chance?

BritTex · 30/10/2007 19:07

do you celebrate bonfire night?

stressteddy · 30/10/2007 19:08

spotty - put a sticker on the door/ window
Please do not ring bell/knock door. baby asleep
Thank you
It works a treat
Although I have to say I have it on every day

Last halloween - I heard some girls read it out loud, then say "oh, nan night baby" before they crept away. I nearly ran out with festoons of choccy treats there and then!!!