Posting for traffic/ not sure where to post. Sorry it's a long one.
I think I have undiagnosed aspergers because I love solitude, peace, and quiet and due to my bad communication skills. I feel extreme relief when I don't have to go anywhere, talk to anyone outside my immediate family, answer calls, or leave the house. I have a feeling of dread about upcoming events and I need to mentally prepare for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments, often days before a scheduled event. I require down time/ alone time after due to a kind of social overload. Being with a group is worse than one on one. So for example Christmas staying at the inlaws (not this Christmas due to covid) for a few days with them being loud and playing party word games is very very tirying and stressful for me. While there I need (more of a need that a want) to go to a quiet room alone for a bit for down time which they seem to think is rude. I dislike being in crowded places. I don't know how to do eye contact properly. It feels awkward and uncomfortable, so I will avoid if I can. I also strugge with body language (proximity of body, body stance, and posture etc) in conversation. My language skills are quite bad, like I'll talk too fast and stutter sometimes and sometimes have bad pronunciation. My facial expressions do not match the situation. People sometimes ask why do you look so anxious when I am not etc. This has been the case my entire life. I questions the actions and behaviors of my self and others and will replay old conversations in my head thinking if what I said was silly or ask why did they say that or respond like that etc. I think or wonder if people are laughing at me or making fun of me and over analyse peoples expressions, like wondering are they looking at me funnily? I feel as if missing a conversation “gene” or I'm from another planet or something, like I just don't fit in. It's feels more than just being socially anxious /shy. I will sometimes practice/rehearse what I will say to another beforehand or imaginary scenarios in my head. I can't do small chit chat, it just feels unnatural and akward. I don't know when it's my turn to talk when in a group. I hate opening presents infront of people because if you don't have the correct facial expressions and level of enthusiasm in your voice they think you don't like the gift. Also I hate being watched/ centre of attention.
I'm quite sensitive to other people’s negativity and criticism/ perceived criticism. I hate change and like a situation to be planned and and hate changes to the plan. I love routines. I really dislike unexpected visitors. I question social norms. And I sometimes neglect hygiene for time reasons. I dress for comfort and not appearance and I don't wear makeup. I dislike loud noises, mostly loud people especially when it's multiple people like a loud party game. I can't stand nightclubs due to the noise. I have a high pitched young sounding voice. I will escape into my imagination/ daydream into my imaginary worlds. Maladaptive daydreaming I think it's called.
Does this sound like it could be aspergers? Any of you have aspergers or know anyone with it and these things sound similar? Is there any point in being diagnosed now at 34 and how would I even go about that? Thanks for reading.