To ask for the worst CV's you've ever seen?!

[Isitgiroday]

About to pimp my CV prior to a career change after almost a decade in the same industry - looking for tips and hints of what to avoid!

Make sure your so.me is locked down to private.

Apply for the right role! A postdoctoral fellow in pure mathematics once wrote to me to apply to the maths institute where I worked... he applied to be the receptionist.

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers

Apply for the right role! A postdoctoral fellow in pure mathematics once wrote to me to apply to the maths institute where I worked... he applied to be the receptionist.

Very true, but in another ancient anecdote I once heard of a highly-trained chef who had worked in some extremely prestigious restaurants applying for a job in a school kitchen. School got in touch with him to ask if his application was a mistake, and it turned out he was serious, having become tired of the pressure and unsociable hours. He got the job (duh...), and I wonder if those kids ever realised how lucky they were.

@Greenknees

Explain any gaps! We once had an application from a man who had an unexplained 15 year career gap- the same length as a life sentence 🤔

That brings in the issue of whether you have children surely? Should women have to say they were on maternity/raising children now?

@unlimiteddilutingjuice

A friend of mine knocked up a joke CV for his girlfriend intending her to use the layout as a template. She didnt look at it closely and handed it in. It listed her accomplishments as: "invented jam" and "shot a man in Reno just to watch him die"

Thanks to this, I have Folsom Prison Blues on the brain. It's going to be a long day ...

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers

Apply for the right role! A postdoctoral fellow in pure mathematics once wrote to me to apply to the maths institute where I worked... he applied to be the receptionist.

I have a friend who has burned out as a solicitor. She loves the law but hates the pressure of being responsible for clients. She told me that after she takes a year off she wants to be a receptionist in a law firm.

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers

Apply for the right role! A postdoctoral fellow in pure mathematics once wrote to me to apply to the maths institute where I worked... he applied to be the receptionist.

Anecdote alert! - CFO made redundant from company one - they contacted dh - desperate for a job, any job who suggested accounts assistant as the only semi related role - stayed in that role for a year - applied for the role of CFO when it came up in company two and got it. By all accounts (no pun intended) did a great job in both roles - would love to know why he was made redundant from company one, given he made a huge success of the same role in company two.

If submitting electronically ensure you end track changes and delete comments, had a CV sent last month (from someone with a PhD applying for a technical role) who had had someone review their CV and left all the comments on! The funny thing is I agreed with the comments but she didnt make all the suggested changes, she should have.

Including everything and the kitchen sink. If you have an established career then focus on the key roles that apply to the job advert, an employer isn't going to care about your o-level grades back in '78.

No, you have said you are immediately available with experience working etc. That’s not what you mean. It’s the use of “with” and then later on “and” that makes it nonsensical. You are immediately available with experience? You are immediately available with a full driving licence? You need to write as bullet points: Immediately available. Experience working as a teaching assistant in a special needs school. Full driving licence.

Sorry, that post won’t make sense. It was for a poster up thread.

The only person it makes no sense to is you, Daisypond.

It seems perfectly intelligible to everyone else. But the bullet pointed version, I grant you, is better.

I get what other people are saying about leaving out the interests section and I agree if your interests are reading and walking the dog that it is better not to include, but the other side is that I have had several interviews and got a couple of jobs where I have been told that I stood out because of my interests (they are unusual ones that people generally love to ask about them). On my first day in one job they told me they had interviewed five people for the role, all who could do the job, but they picked me because it would be fun to sit next to me and hear all my stories about my interests.

I review CVs and interview candidates a fair deal. My tip is don’t tell any lies, and don’t claim anything (initiative, brilliant salesperson etc) unless you can back it up with an past behaviour example or statistics in an interview.

Providing a side bar list of people skills that you excel in, mentoring, coaching, emotional intelligence, team building, relationship building.
And then listing 10 jobs you have apparently achieved very highly in without mentioning how you employed your people skills even once - taking all the credit like your team doesn't exist it makes you come across like an arrogant arse. We have a "no arrogant arses" rule - doesn't matter how talented and clever they are! Someone who is talented should be big enough to credit other people with contributing to their success and the more senior you are - the more we expect to see it.

@Butchyrestingface

The only person it makes no sense to is you, Daisypond.

It seems perfectly intelligible to everyone else. But the bullet pointed version, I grant you, is better.

It is intelligible in a real life situation, I grant you, but grammatically it isn’t, so it would be not a good choice to write it like that on a CV - especially if the job has anything to do with education.

Everyone saying “no photos” would you not put a photo on an application for a job that really relies on looking “good” (ie: tidy, neat, attention to detail) such as Air Steward/ess, Disney Cast member (I was one) etc? Surely in these positions, where you have to look the part too, a photo would be more advantageous? (I can’t remember when I was hired as Disney crew if I included a photo or not)

On my first day in one job they told me they had interviewed five people for the role, all who could do the job, but they picked me because it would be fun to sit next to me and hear all my stories about my interests. Not sure I'd be trusted to make a decision if this was my reason for recruiting someone.

I saw a CV with a nine year gap. When quizzed they said they "did a bit of warehouse work" in the missing nine years

On my first day in one job they told me they had interviewed five people for the role, all who could do the job, but they picked me because it would be fun to sit next to me and hear all my stories about my interests.

😂😂😂

Giving 2-3 interests on a CV is not going to make a sensible recruiter bin your CV. It can only ever be the icing on the cake though, to give an additional indication of the person, provided your CV shows you meet the must-have criteria for the vacancy.

• I volunteer for a local charity
• I enjoy the outdoor life (gardening, running, cycling)
• Going to the cinema with my family

are reasonable things to include, provided it doesn't take your CV over 2 sides of A4.

Someone who’s email address was dickosaurus@

An important factor in tailoring the CV is to reflect the level of the role you are applying for. No use listing all your high powered achievements in a senior management role when you're applying for an administrator position, you will be instantly rejected as "over qualified", will get bored, and "going to leave as soon as something better comes along" (bitter voice of experience).

I have toned down my CV as much as possible without lying and STILL get this type of comment, because everybody only wants to progress to bigger, better, more stressful things and nobody ever wanted to take a couple of steps back after burnout (in the view of many recruiters)

@Snoringmutt

On my first day in one job they told me they had interviewed five people for the role, all who could do the job, but they picked me because it would be fun to sit next to me and hear all my stories about my interests. Not sure I'd be trusted to make a decision if this was my reason for recruiting someone.

If you have 5 equally qualified and experienced candidates, this seems a sensible tie breaker to me?

On my first day in one job they told me they had interviewed five people for the role, all who could do the job, but they picked me because it would be fun to sit next to me and hear all my stories about my interests.

I mentioned it earlier, if I'm recruiting for a team I want someone that's not going to be a drag on the team because they have no life. Interests is a short paragraph that tells the reader you're human.

Interests are important. They can be the tie-breaker between equally qualified (on paper) candidates. But they need to be genuine interests. If you're really interested in reading you'll have a couple of favourite/favoured authors and you'll be able to name two books you've recently enjoyed. And your tailored to the role CV will be so fresh and up-to-date they will genuinely be books you've read in the last couple of month or are still reading.

@Allergictoironing we never have 5 equally qualified candidates - we have varying degrees of qualifications, skills and experience their interests would just never be part of the discussion.