Why do schools alienate Dads?

[Dadsrule1234]

It has come to light during lockdown that my kids a school run a parent 1 and parent 2 system. I have asked them previously to email us both, but everything still comes to me only addressed to me. I am getting a complex because despite our 50/50 partnership as parents and both working full time I get every negative email about uniform and now home school. Is this normal? Why alienate the Dads they place a huge role. I don’t know how to approach this? The email about home schooling was really awful. I find it so strange that schools don’t value their parents anymore. Unless it’s just this one.. thoughts please.

You must be down in parent 1 box, you could ask them to switch? Personally I wouldn't expect them to email both parents.

They have a parent 1 and parent 2 system.

Sounds like you put yourself down as parent 1, ask for DHs information to be put as P1 and you P2.

I put DHs details in P1 because I'd got a new number, and I didn't know it. Just did the one I knew off the top of my head first.

It drove us mad in the end, I had to ask the school to swap it around for us

YABU At DC school it's whomever was put down as parent 1 when you did the forms that gets the emails. We just forward the email between us when it arrives. I think they just expect parents to communicate with each other within the household. Ask them to change DH to parent 1 if you'd rather he got the emails.

It's not alienating dads, they've just got a one process system which doesn't work for everyone.

Can't you just forward the emails on?

Or set up a "kid" email account and then have those emails automatically forwarded to your individual emails?

I work in a school office, our communication system was set up importing contacts from our MIS, using contact 1, which is specified by parents when they complete the paperwork upon admission.
That is mum 99% of the time. Not decided by us, it’s what parents provide. We then sent out communication to state that if another parent would like to have a communication account set up manually. Some did, some aren’t bothered.
I am not chasing them, i have enough to do.
That said, if you have asked them and they haven’t done it maybe it’s time to ask again.

When can’t they email both parents though? Is there a reason not to?

Separated parents have individual contact records at all our school. If you were together when the child started and have since split I'd ask for your partner to have a record for school contact too.

Ours uses the parent app and two parents can easily register there for updates too.

I don't understand why you think they are alienating dads? IME most of the time it's the mum who is down as parent 1 (and therefore is receiving these emails).

When I filled out the forms for the school for the youngest I made sure to put DH as contact 1. For this very same reason. Likewise tapestry etc. He hasn’t realised what I’ve done. Actually I think he likes it being in charge of LittlestFuckets school admin. I’m sure the novelty will wear off for him at some point. But it’s great to see LittlestFucket automatically run to her daddy for school questions and not me.

Hold up, just seen the other replies.

I've assumed you're separated and that's why this is an issue.

Bit of a generalist statement there
Yours s one school. Out of thousands. Change the primary contact. Or don't. Just stop with the draaaaaama

You put your details in the parent 1 box, therefore you are the primary parent in their eyes and receive the communication. It takes 30 seconds to forward an email to someone else, why is that an issue?

Most parents would complain about unecessary duplication if all the messages were sent to both, but it will be possible to arrange that if that's what your family want.

It won't be because they're "alienating" dad, it will be because you put yourself down as the first contact, but you can change that.

Nice username.

Like most email systems, your school's system copes with one address per child. If you don't want that to be your email address, ask them to change it to your children's dad.

The only person whose fault it is, is you. Also, I can't believe you didn't realise this before now.

Could be worse. There's a class WhatsApp group at my DC's school but it's 'managed' by a group of Stepford Wives who refuse to allow fathers in the group.

I put my dh down as parent 1, he drives I don't yet so he can get to the kids quicker in the event of an emergency. He is rubbish at forwarding the emails to me or reading them in advance. For instance at xmas the kids had a xmas jumper day and he didn't tell me till the night before, it was fine as I already had xmas jumpers in for them and wouldn't have been a big deal had they worn something else. Now we have access to each others mail boxes so can check myself. We also have a parenting app that we both use.

I would switch parent 1 and 2 around or just forward the email at the end of the night.

This isn’t the school alienating dads, you chose to put yourself down as the primary contact and dad as the secondary contact. You can switch it but it doesn’t make any sense for the school to waste time contacting two separate people just so they both feel as important.

It might be down to limitations of their email system, so they email whoever is parent 1 (which can be the dad as much as the mum!).

DC's old school used to only be able to email one parent and told me this when I asked if they could email both. They've since moved to a new system where they are able to email both parents.

Set up a rule on your email to forward anything from the school to your partner and he'll get all the school emails with no further need for you to do anything.

I did same as Fucket as was fed up of being the only one who knew what was going on. So I’m parent one for eldest and he’s parent one for youngest. It is a bit frustrating when you only have one that all messages can only be directed to one place and it’s usually mum. Mental load and all that.

'Alienating dads' ?!?
What a bizarre leap from 'I put myself down as parent 1, how do I change it?'

Many schools use a bout-in system such as Parent Pay etc. Some of these systems will only allow one main contact to be emailed or texted.

You've had lots of good ideas here about setting up a rule on your own email account or having an separate email account just for school.

It's not an anti-dad thing!

When DSS moved in with us DH set up an autoforwarding on his emails from the school so that they come to me automatically. Means we can both read them at the same time.

Though I do think you're right that a school ought to be able to contact both parents by email. Even more of an issue if the parents don't live together.

I'm divorced, and get the emails from school as ex wife. Suggest you chill.

So you chose to put you down as parent one. That’s not alienating.

Schools shouldn’t need to communicate with 2 parents for each child, you should communicate within your relationship. Emails are really quick to forward!

What's the issue with forwarding emails they obvousily have a main and secondary email. Ask them to swap or would that mean the are discriminating against you .