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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go for promotion without mentioning pregnancy

48 replies

justchecking1 · 28/01/2021 21:45

Would I be being unreasonable to apply for a promotion knowing I'm pregnant?

It's quite an important role, which I'm more than capable of doing, but I've just found out I'm around 9 weeks pregnant. It's quite a male dominated role and I'm the only woman applying. I think I've got a very good chance, but if I told them I think they'd chose one of the other candidates, obviously. I've already been offered an interview which I've accepted, but I'm now second guessing myself.

The other complicating factor is that I've had multiple MMC found at early scans at EPAU. They're not offering these at the moment due to covid so I've got a private one booked but the earliest available was for after the interview. I'd be loathe to be honest, probably scupper my chances, only to find out it's not a viable pregnancy anyway.

I'm sure none of the men in the interview process would be having any kind of crisis of conscience over something like this, but I can't help feeling guilty!

WWYD? AIBU to keep it to myself? I know legally I don't have to say anything, but would it be underhand not to mention it?

OP posts:
SewingWarriorQueen76 · 28/01/2021 21:49

You have until you are 20 weeks I think to tell them. Congratulations on the oregqnac and getting to the interview stage. I would focus on the job preparation and get the job. Worry about being pregnant, the work element of it later. Fingers crossed for you.

And remember men apply for jobs they atr 75% sure they can do, women wait until they are 110% ready.

You can always pretend it was a surprise, if you wanted to.

Original poster
justchecking1 · 28/01/2021 21:52

Thank you! Yes, I think I'd go for the "happy surprise", revelation if I got it 😂

OP posts:
Fridget · 28/01/2021 21:53

Congratulations and definitely don’t tell them. As you say, men never have to worry about that shit!

Good luck with your pregnancy Flowers

weltenbummler · 28/01/2021 21:58

Go for it! Don't overthink things! Sometimes women can be their own worst enemy. None of the male candidates would declare their partners pregnancy!

RunnerDuck2020 · 28/01/2021 22:05

Definitely go for it! You’re not obliged to tell them about your pregnancy until 15 weeks before your due date so you’re well within that. Good luck!

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 28/01/2021 22:12

I'd go for it as well. Unless you think you were not going to go back after maternity leave. If you're the best person for the job then maternity should be irrelevant

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 28/01/2021 22:13

Only other reason I wouldnt do it if it was time critical eg a promotion but for a set time project or something

Original poster
justchecking1 · 28/01/2021 22:15

I would definitely go back after maternity leave. I probably won't take the full year's leave either.

I think the problem is I know they wouldn't chose me if they knew I was pregnant so i feel I'd be getting the job under false pretences. On the other hand, I know they should chose me as I'm clearly the best candidate!

Sod it, I'm not going to tell them. Will report back after the interview and met you know how it goes...

OP posts:
User0ne · 28/01/2021 22:29

Go for it.

Having a baby isn't going to make you any less competent.

CheshireSplat · 28/01/2021 22:34

I think the problem is I know they wouldn't chose me if they knew I was pregnant so i feel I'd be getting the job under false pretences. On the other hand, I know they should chose me as I'm clearly the best candidate!

If you reframe this, does it make you feel bettter:

I think the problem is I know they would act illegally and in a discriminatory manner if they knew I was pregnant so, as that just isn't on, I will save them the bother of a discrimination claim wont tell them . On the other hand, I know they should chose me as I'm clearly the best candidate!

Washimal · 28/01/2021 22:45

I'm sure none of the men in the interview process would be having any kind of crisis of conscience over something like this

Nail on the head. Why should you feel guilty? Maternity leave is a very short time out of your working life when you really think about it.

Original poster
justchecking1 · 03/02/2021 16:16

Update: I got the job!

And I've had a viability scan which showed a happy little embryo, with a heartbeat, measuring perfect for dates

It's been a good news day 😊

OP posts:
GrandTheftWalrus · 03/02/2021 16:17

Well done op!

Applesandpears23 · 03/02/2021 16:18

Double congratulations!

Coffeeisnecessary · 03/02/2021 16:18

Well done and congratulations! Lovely news all round!

HundredYearOldMan · 03/02/2021 16:18

Congratulations - on both counts!

Who run the world - girls!

surfingwolf · 03/02/2021 16:20

Excellent news!

praecantator · 03/02/2021 17:19

Absolutely you must go for the role. You are pregnant, not incapable.
Working from home trend is here to stay and believe you me, going for promotion whilst being a mother of a young child will not be a good idea as despite all the non-discriminatory laws, you will be viewed as unreliable due to childcare needs.
Angry

praecantator · 03/02/2021 17:22

Oops, congratulations, teaches me to RTFT Grin

DeeThree · 03/02/2021 17:26

Congratulations OP that's great news in both fronts.

afrikat · 03/02/2021 17:29

Congratulations!! Really glad you went for it and fabulous news all looks good with the baby.

I did something similar- went for a 6 month secondment when I was 8 weeks pregnant, told them when the paperwork was all signed. All went well and I got the permanent role a few weeks before I went off on maternity leave 🙌

Yellowbird54321 · 03/02/2021 17:30

Oh what great news - congratulations on your job and your pregnancy Smile

Sciurus83 · 03/02/2021 17:49

BOOOOOM!!! YES OP YES! You go, this is fantastic

Kazziek · 03/02/2021 18:04

What lovely news! You were absolutely right to go for it, your pregnancy has no bearing on your ability to do your job. Wishing you the best of luck with both Flowers

Livingtothefull · 03/02/2021 18:18

Congratulations and congratulations!!

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