To not want to holiday together

[hop27]

Married to
DH 7 years
DSS 13
DSS and DH & I have previously difficult relationship, however past 12 months all good. DSS comes when he wants and when His mum needs help. Our current relationship works. We are all civil, but certainly not keen on building a friendship.
His mum has suggest we go on a cruise this Christmas together, stating DSS would love it, that she would give us space to enjoy a holiday too. DH doesn't know how to let her and DSS down gently, but doesn't want to entertain it. I've offered to go to friends for Christmas, if he wants to go. He has no interest in that. It's DSS's mum's 'turn' for Christmas.
AIBU ....

1. To think at 14, he doesn't need this type of holiday to validate that his family love him.
2. That I down want to go on holiday with her after 13 years of slander and abuse.
3. That a cruise is the LAST holiday you'd attempt post COVID?

YANBU. This is the worst possible idea anyone could ever think of.

You’ve had 13 years of abuse and the boy is 13, so you got with his dad when she was pregnant or just gave birth?!

You sound completely intolerant towards the child.

And why are you talking about Christmas? It’s January fgs!

Your DH ex wants you and your DH to go on holiday with her??

@Glitteryone

You’ve had 13 years of abuse and the boy is 13, so you got with his dad when she was pregnant or just gave birth?!

You sound completely intolerant towards the child.

And why are you talking about Christmas? It’s January fgs!

Did you miss the part where the ex wants to come too? So it would be OP, DH, Ex wife and a (possibility bored and stroppy) teenager on a cruise with no way to escape eachother Sounds hellish

She probably wants to push you overboard.

I'd personally just say, a cruise really isn't our type of holiday. In the interests of seeming supportive of the holiday, if your finances can stretch to it, I'd probably say that we would pay 50% of DSS cost of going on the holiday, and arrange for a holiday of your own with him at another time.

Id prefer to chuck a few quid at the situation if it stopped further abuse. If she's spent 13 years verbally abusing you, she's gonna jump at the opportunity if you don't go, and if you do, I think things will sour during that trip

I wouldn't be planning a cruise anytime soon. But I think a holiday is a good idea. You dont have to even be in close rooms or spend time with her, but he could spend time with you both at his own leisure and you'd get some child free holiday time too.

Sounds like a shit idea.

@Godimabitch

I wouldn't be planning a cruise anytime soon. But I think a holiday is a good idea. You dont have to even be in close rooms or spend time with her, but he could spend time with you both at his own leisure and you'd get some child free holiday time too.

Really? You think going on holiday with his ex is a good idea?!

Well that's a whole lotta nope!!

I don't even entertain the idea of holidays with DP's parents as things are strained enough normally, and I refuse to pay a lot of money just to be stressed on a beach instead.

It's a phrase I hate seeing on here but I have to use it .. no is a full sentence!

Let DSS and his mum go with your DP's mum if they want. But you don't have to.

It's not the worst idea but so depends on circumstances. I would in my circumstances, even plan to invite ex's to wedding but we get along fine.

From the timings you have hinted at, it sounds like you got with your partner when dss was a baby, even if you were not the ow I can see why she didn't take the you! All a bit odd to suggest a holiday, but as types go, a cruise would suit this set up better than a hotel

Sounds to me like she wants a cruise but can’t afford it on her own.
She’s asking you to subsidise her holiday but the spin she’s putting on it is how nice it will be for the child to see both parents at Christmas/experience travelling etc.
I’m so if you say no she will make out that you’re letting the kid down and being unreasonable.

It would be a no from me. But I’d probably tell her she had your full support in taking DSS and give him some spending money as an extra Christmas present so she can’t make outthat you’re stoping DSS from having a nice holiday.

Fuck, no way.
But there'll be no cruises sailing at xmas anyway, so no worries there.

You’ve had 13 years of abuse and the boy is 13, so you got with his dad when she was pregnant or just gave birth?!

Good question.

No. Just no. Sounds horrendous to me. For oh so many reasons

Is "His mum" the DSS's mum or your DH's mum??
Either way it sounds like hell on my levels!

1. I doubt anyone will be able to go on a cruise by Christmas
2. I wouldn't be even considering booking any trip away
3. Go away with the ex? That is enough for me to say no regardless of the relationship with the DSC.

You’re not unreasonable and your husband needs to be short and clear: we wish you lots of fun, but won’t be joining. No reason, no debate.

I can't believe that anyone would think this a good idea. Utter madness.

As for the usual "were you the other woman" nonsense. Just fuck off with such foolishness.

@PaperMonster

She probably wants to push you overboard.

🤣

A thousand nos to that idea.

I am curious over the time frame here, but regardless, this is a terrible idea, I would not entertain it.

I've assumed that the "13 years of slander" was a typo.

In this case, it's probably better to say that you're not planning to take a cruise and it's unlikely that they'll be running this year.

I couldn’t go on holiday with DSDs mum, I don’t like to be in the same room as her.

I think I’d reply along the lines of ‘sorry, cruises aren’t for us. Enjoy yourselves though!’

UANBU