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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit worried about what I saw at daycare? PFB?

45 replies

diversity101 · 28/01/2021 06:09

Earlier this week my dd (6 months) had her first settling in session at daycare. This is my first child so it's also my first time really experiencing a daycare centre.

Most of the babies and toddlers in the room seemed happy whilst I was there. It was loud and noisy at times with some of the toddlers crying about random things (one wasn't happy with the lunch choice and one because it was raining too heavy to go outside) but I think this is pretty normal behaviour?

The things that concerned me where:

  • one of the younger babies (not sure of age - sitting and crawling a little) seemed to be mostly ignored whilst I was there. No one really interacted with her. She was content but it seemed strange.
  • one was upset because he was hungry. Lunch was apparently delayed so the boy fussed and cried for about 30mins whilst waiting.
  • some of the toddlers found flags with pointy ends laying around and started running around with them. They were taken off them when someone saw.
  • my baby shuffled over to a ziplock bag that was left on the floor.

Are these things normal or should I be a bit concerned? I think I might just be a little nervous.

OP posts:
Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 28/01/2021 07:07

A content baby not being interacted with in the pre lunch rush wouldn't bother me, how long were you there for?

Was the hungry child a baby or an older toddler?

The flags and zip lock bag would worry me more.

You need to choose a nursery you are happy leaving your DC in so this one isn't for you.

Muitolegal · 28/01/2021 07:15

You will know when you find the right one, always good to look around until you do

Original poster
diversity101 · 28/01/2021 07:16

I was there just over 2 hours. She was picked up and moved once in that time to get her out of the way.

The hungry child might have been around 18months old

OP posts:
AStudyinPink · 28/01/2021 07:20

Frankly, I didn’t like any of the nurseries I viewed from the perspective of interactive care of the children. They seemed largely safe, but that was about the best thing I had to say about them. The staff appeared to feed, change and tidy up after the kids, but they didn’t seem like nurturing places.

Poppins2016 · 28/01/2021 07:28

I'd say this isn't the nursery for you, carry on looking.

I'd also suggest that if this is the best they can do when they're trying to sell it to you, this is likely to be the highest standard of care that you can expect at that nursery.

I knew my DSs nursery was the right one from the word go. It's safe, the children are always being interacted with, the staff genuinely care (obvious through their actions). I felt 100% comfortable sending him there. If it doesn't feel right to you, it's not, trust your instinct.

SnuggyBuggy · 28/01/2021 07:28

Is it normal to have such a mix of ages. I would have thought there would be a baby room for babies not yet walking.

Ricebubbles2 · 28/01/2021 07:32

Over the time you begin daycare you will see and experience all sorts
Including the parents!
I would not be bothered by a baby left alone because it is ok not to have someone with them it will encourage independent playing and exploring.
Many babies at our daycare venture about I was quite pleased someone's not in there face constantly.
Grumpy, hungry, upset children are all learning and often quickly become accustomed to routines at the centre, the kid could have had a bad nights sleep..not the centres failing.
Routines installed because it's not Mum playing into a tantrum.
I think pointy bits are a fact of life and no one will be zeroing in 8hrs non stop. But be surprised they will know exactly what's happend in the child's day and routine if it is a decent centre.
It's all about being themselves and interacting.
I am not a first time parent you will be more conscious of everything but when I am sent home accident forms it does not faze me because it's perfectly normal to have bumps and
You child will be bitten, scratched, picked on, sulk, cry Make friends with the feral obnoxious kids.
It is a huge adjustment for you both.
Look at the big picture.

Archaea · 28/01/2021 07:36

Those things would all ring alarm bells for me. I would look elsewhere.

lockeddownandcrazy · 28/01/2021 07:36

Have a look at some other nurseries, decide which you like best for your child - all will have some negatives.

mynameiscalypso · 28/01/2021 07:38

I wouldn't be so keen on babies of 6 months being in the same room as toddlers when they will have very different routines and needs.

mynameiscalypso · 28/01/2021 07:39

Oh and leaving a baby alone isn't necessarily a bad thing - when DS went for his settling in session, they told us that they did that deliberately so the child didn't become overwhelmed

Megan2018 · 28/01/2021 07:44

This sounds like a dreadful set up. Nothing like our nursery which has small, homely rooms and toddlers would not be with non mobile babies.
I wouldn’t leave my child there. You do have to choose childcare incredibly carefully.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 28/01/2021 07:44

Crawling around ignored for 2 hours?? This is why daycare settings for very young children really scare me Sad

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 28/01/2021 07:52

Hmm I assumed you were there for 15-20 mins, I agree that 2 hours is too long.

A nursery will never be able to offer the same level of interaction as a sahp or a nanny but I would expect more than that.

Keep looking until you find the right nursery for you.

fastwigglylines · 28/01/2021 07:57

I agree this isn't the right place. You need to be comfortable leaving your DC there.

Are there other nurseries near you? Also have you considered a child minder?

My DC went to both nursery and CMs. Child minder are often better for very little ones IMO.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 28/01/2021 07:58

I don't think you're expecting too much Op.

The first preschool I sent DD to was awful in the settling in sessions. Staff went out for a fag on one settling in session and left a 16 yo in charge of the whole place. On another settling in session they put the tv on and went into another room.

Needless to say she didn't go there.

When do you go back to work? Are you able to look at other places?

FortunesFave · 28/01/2021 07:59

I don't think it's bad to leave an 18 month old waiting an extra half an hour for lunch. Children need to learn to adapt.

The bag on the floor I wouldn't like though. The baby left alone seems fine if it was content.

The pointy flags...that was sorted as you watched. I think you'd be had pressed to find a perfect nursery.

Buddytheelf85 · 28/01/2021 07:59

Can I ask if you’re in the UK? It’s just that ‘daycare centre’ is a term more commonly used in the US, and nurseries have a requirement to have a separate baby room for children under 2 years here (at least for sleeping) and they typically keep them pretty much separate altogether.

BeyondMyWits · 28/01/2021 08:06

I'd be more concerned over the fact that you were there with other peoples children, indoors for 2 hours, during a world wide pandemic.

Original poster
diversity101 · 28/01/2021 08:08

@Buddytheelf85

Can I ask if you’re in the UK? It’s just that ‘daycare centre’ is a term more commonly used in the US, and nurseries have a requirement to have a separate baby room for children under 2 years here (at least for sleeping) and they typically keep them pretty much separate altogether.
I’m not in the UK (in Australia). The other kids are all under two (just most are running about as they mostly seem closer to the upper limit). They have a seperate sleeping area for the younger babies.
OP posts:
Original poster
diversity101 · 28/01/2021 08:09

Sorry should have made it clear that I’m not in the UK. Covid isn’t as much as a problem here and I wore a mask the whole time.

OP posts:
HappyFlamingo · 28/01/2021 08:11

From what you've said I don't think there would be massive alarm bells ringing, but it doesn't sound great. If you want your child to have more interaction you could consider a childminder setting?

Original poster
diversity101 · 28/01/2021 08:13

@JiltedJohnsJulie

I don't think you're expecting too much Op.

The first preschool I sent DD to was awful in the settling in sessions. Staff went out for a fag on one settling in session and left a 16 yo in charge of the whole place. On another settling in session they put the tv on and went into another room.

Needless to say she didn't go there.

When do you go back to work? Are you able to look at other places?

I go back in 2 weeks and won’t be able to find another place in time. Most have a year long wait list. The place seemed so much better when we toured over a year ago
OP posts:
Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 28/01/2021 08:13

Would you consider a childminder? I don't know what the ratios are like in Australia but here i found they generally have 3 children to look after.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 28/01/2021 08:21

I go back in 2 weeks and won’t be able to find another place in time. Most have a year long wait list. The place seemed so much better when we toured over a year ago.

Ok so it's not ideal but not dangerous. I'd go to the rest of the settling in sessions and if you're still not happy look for somewhere else. It does sound like she'll have to go to this one for a while though.