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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you have said? Losing track of what’s ok

32 replies

ParadiseIsland · 27/01/2021 22:00

I was talking to DH earlier on about an article I read.
Right in the middle of our chat, he took his phone out and rang his dad. Once he had finished his call, he carried on talking about the article, expecting me to pick up the conversation where we had left it.

What would you have said? Would you consider that normal or rude?

OP posts:
Original poster
ParadiseIsland · 27/01/2021 22:02

Ha, didn’t mean to have voting enabled.

I suppose it would be
YABU: this is normal behaviour
YANBU: this was rude

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/01/2021 22:03

Of course this is rude. What are you, a piece of furniture?

needadvice54321 · 27/01/2021 22:03

I wouldn't have said anything probably, but would have been annoyed! Unless there's more to it and he needed to call his dad urgently? Had he received a message from his Dad?

I would have expected him to have said something though

dontlikebeards · 27/01/2021 22:05

That is incredibly rude. I would have been furious.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 27/01/2021 22:07

I mean what the fuck. What did he do? Hold up a finger to put you on pause while he chatted to his dad? I’d not have been sat there when he finished.

Original poster
ParadiseIsland · 27/01/2021 22:08

It was his dad b’day and he clearly suddenly realised he hadn’t rung him.

And yes he has form for doing things like this. Like leaving the room whilst I’m talking to him to do something urgent like emptying the bin Hmm?
If pulled on it, he’ll come up with an excuse as to why he didn’t mean to be rude

OP posts:
Original poster
ParadiseIsland · 27/01/2021 22:09

@WillYouDoTheFandango

I mean what the fuck. What did he do? Hold up a finger to put you on pause while he chatted to his dad? I’d not have been sat there when he finished.
We was most put out when I refused to engage with him in the discussion
OP posts:
Minnie6078 · 27/01/2021 22:10

Rude! My DH does this sometimes and it really pisses me off! Infact MIL has done it a couple of times too so perhaps it's an upbringing thing. Think I'd still get an arse kicking if I did that in my mums company at my age now haha!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/01/2021 22:11

I think the birthday thing does make a difference. He’d forgotten to call his dad, who is probably feeling pretty lonely today, and wanted to do it as soon as possible. It’s not like he just got bored of talking about the article.

CrotchBurn · 27/01/2021 22:11

Once he hung up and started talking you should have left the room

MsMarple · 27/01/2021 22:13

It does sound rude and strange. Unless you are not really having a conversation, but just talking at him for ages and ages? In which case I might feel a tiny bit of sympathy for him!

needadvice54321 · 27/01/2021 22:13

@ParadiseIsland

It was his dad b’day and he clearly suddenly realised he hadn’t rung him.

And yes he has form for doing things like this. Like leaving the room whilst I’m talking to him to do something urgent like emptying the bin Hmm?
If pulled on it, he’ll come up with an excuse as to why he didn’t mean to be rude

My DH would do something like walking out of the room whilst we're talking too, bloody annoying!
Kilcaple · 27/01/2021 22:15

You must be the fifth or sixth poster to post about this exact kind of extreme conversational rudeness from DHs recently. Is it an epidemic?

FenEel · 27/01/2021 22:17

DH wouldn’t do something that blatant, but he does have form for suddenly interrupting me in the middle of a conversation, to tell one of the kids off, or react to something that has happened, or say something which has dropped into his head. I absolutely hate it and point it out every single time, and usually refuse to engage any further in whatever we were discussing. If I ever interrupt someone without thinking I either stop myself and say oh sorry, you were saying, or if I really have to interrupt for some reason I remember what they were saying and then say “so, you were saying xyz, what happened then”.

Original poster
ParadiseIsland · 27/01/2021 22:19

@StillCoughingandLaughing

I think the birthday thing does make a difference. He’d forgotten to call his dad, who is probably feeling pretty lonely today, and wanted to do it as soon as possible. It’s not like he just got bored of talking about the article.
His dad isn’t living on his own. And isn’t the sentimental type.

I’m just thinking that if he has said ‘oh shit. I forgot to ring my dad!’ It would have made a huge difference.

Instead, he just carried on the conversation whilst dealing and started talking to his dad whilst I was still talking to him.

I felt dismissed as if I wasn’t important or worthy if that makes sense.

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 27/01/2021 22:19

I agree the birthday thing could make a difference if he'd apologised for having to interrupt the conversation and explained before he called. But just stopping, phoning and then trying to carry on without that apology in advance is disrespectful. But since he has form for it the details of this particular incident aren't that relevant.

It may be a sign that he's taking you for granted in a not caring about you way. It may be a sign that he feels so close to you he sort of loses track of where his communication with you starts and stops. Either way requires a firm discussion and behaviour change on his part but the later is more forgivable and a more positive way to think about your relationship.

Original poster
ParadiseIsland · 27/01/2021 22:21

@FenEel, actually he did that too this evening when we were all at the table.
I’m not sure I even registered it as such....

OP posts:
BounceyBumblebee · 27/01/2021 22:24

My dh does stuff like this. I try not to get worked up about it. He doesn't mean to be rude, his mind just jumps around and he doesn't think.

If that's the worst thing your dh does to you, I think your pretty lucky. Nobodies perfect.

CSIblonde · 27/01/2021 22:59

That sounds like a power thing. It's behaviour signalling my 'thing' takes precedence over you. I used to have a boss who made a point of doing that in one to ones with his team. I'd be majorly pissed off . There's no reason that couldn't wait til the end of your conversation. Do it back, see how he likes it.

MissMarpleDarling · 28/01/2021 02:51

That's really rude.

LizFlowers · 28/01/2021 03:07

I once worked with somebody with whom I would be having a conversation, maybe to be continued, then they'd go off somewhere for a few days or even on holiday for two weeks, return and pick up where we left off, eg, "I think the problem lies in.....".

It was funny.

At least your husband came back from his 'phone call and continued to show interest in the article you showed him. I hope he said, "Excuse me a moment", before answering his 'phone.

Shoxfordian · 28/01/2021 06:13

It sounds like he’s treating you like a tv he can turn on and off when it suits him

ShastaBeast · 28/01/2021 06:35

My OH wouldn’t be so blatant but does allow the kids to interrupt and then ignore me. I put it down to ADHD, but he can still change the behaviour. I’d end up switching off and giving up. It was so bad that when I was attending a course and was interrupted while talking, I didn’t bother finishing what I was saying and had to be prompted to continue. I didn’t realise what I was saying had value due to how OH behaves at home.

He also doesn’t react to what I’m saying so I feel I have to explain it a different way as he didn’t get it. But he did, he just doesn’t care about the issue as much. Lockdown makes these things more obvious.

ShirleyPhallus · 28/01/2021 06:44

I dunno, was the article you were telling him about really boring and it was a hint he didn’t want to talk about it anymore....?!

user1493413286 · 28/01/2021 06:48

My DH has done this with messages a few times while I’ve been talking and it’s really annoyed me as it’s so rude