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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that being able to count your true friends

36 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 27/01/2021 11:18

On one hand is incorrect?
Maybe I am just lucky but I know there are at least 20 if not more people I could rely on and who I consider true friends.

OP posts:
AliceinBunniland · 27/01/2021 11:20

YABU to assume what is normal for you is normal for everyone else.

If someone says they can count their "true" friends on one hand then maybe that is true for them.

NerrSnerr · 27/01/2021 11:24

I can imagine everyone has a different amount of true friends.

CrotchBurn · 27/01/2021 11:26

Did you never leave your home region?

The only people I know with 20+ friends they could genuinely rely on to help are people who never moved anywhere else.

Crocky · 27/01/2021 11:29

Think yourself lucky.

ParkheadParadise · 27/01/2021 11:30

I have lots of friends
I have maybe 5 TRUE friends. There is a massive difference between friends and true friends. I only found this out when I needed them.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 27/01/2021 11:31

Well, I would think yourself lucky too.

However, when the chips are down, I wouldn't rely on all 20 coming through for you.

DodoAirlines · 27/01/2021 11:36

A lot of friendships are situational. Nothing wrong with these types friendships at all. However, they do tend to fizzle out once that situation no longer exists e.g. jobs, geographic location, baby/primary school stages etc. For me, a test of a true friendship is one that can endure beyond the situational and geographic changes. This takes effort and therefore the friendship must be truly valued for its own merits alone. I think this is quite rare. I feel grateful to have 3-4 friends in this category. Most are from university days. I am 49.

Cuntitinthebin · 27/01/2021 11:42

Humble brag.

LindaEllen · 27/01/2021 11:42

The way I see 'true friends' is that if I needed help, and phoned them, no matter what time of the day or night, they would come and help me.

I can think of 4 friends who would definitely do that for me. Potentially a couple more, but certainly not loads.

The test is whether you would do the same for each of those friends. The ones I have counted, I would.

Nicolastuffedone · 27/01/2021 11:46

I have 2 friends who I could call at 2am in a crisis and they’d be there.....I have other friends but these 2 are the ones I could depend on utterly

AViewFromTheWindows · 27/01/2021 11:47

Lucky you. There is not a single person I could call on (apart from DH) if I needed something in an emergency. Or who even bother to text me if I don't text first - and even then it is hit and miss as to whether they reply.

Feelingconfused2020 · 27/01/2021 11:49

What are you hoping to achieve by starting this thread?

Crayfishforyou · 27/01/2021 11:50

I don’t have any now.
Sad
Being ill for almost a year had them dropping out, one by one.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 27/01/2021 11:52

Good for you Smile

Parky04 · 27/01/2021 12:01

Have you had this tested yet? Have you phoned any of them at 2 in the morning? Had a serious illness where they all keep in touch, do tasks for you? If not, then I wouldn't be too sure that you could count on 20! I count myself lucky that I can count on 4 (and they have all proved it over the years, none of them have needed me yet, but I'm ready and waiting should the need arise).

TH22 · 27/01/2021 12:02

Good for you.

TH22 · 27/01/2021 12:03

@Cuntitinthebin

Humble brag.
Isn't it just. I never know what they expect to receive back after posting stuff like this!
peak2021 · 27/01/2021 12:03

Hopefully in one sense you actually find out the real number, because the event or crisis/emergency that would answer that question I hope never happens.

I expect it would be fingers of one hand in my case.

athousandwords · 27/01/2021 12:05

I thought I had 2 true friends - until one of them ghosted me after a 30 year friendship.

If your 20 friends were questioned as to whether they were indeed "true" friends, I think their opinions would beg to differ.

Sadly, we often mistake a friend for an acquaintance.

Original poster
MiaMarshmallows · 27/01/2021 12:08

It's not a brag at all. Just a sense that there are some really amazing people out there. I have experienced bereavement in the past and huge numbers rallied around and still do. I am lucky and am grateful everyday.

OP posts:
Dentistlakes · 27/01/2021 12:12

Depends how you define a true friend. I often think people use the term ‘friend’ very loosely. What I would call an acquaintance, a lot of people would call a friend. Also, I would come to the aid of anyone who needed my help, but I wouldn’t necessarily categorise them as a friend, nor them me.

Calmandmeasured1 · 27/01/2021 12:17

@MiaMarshmallows

What kind of circumstances have you relied on your 20+ true friends for help? I wonder if they are just trivial things where most people would help or if they are exceptional circumstances where they have really put themselves out for you.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/01/2021 12:20

I wonder if you are just defining it differently. I can't see how it is possible to maintain the level of relationship I'd define as a "true friend" with 20 people.

combatbarbie · 27/01/2021 12:23

I know lots of people. I can count on one hand the ones I'd go to in need and know they would help me and could be trusted. 3 of them are my immediate best friends and we all hang out together despite being in 4 corners of the UK. 1 is a friend I've made in the village....

Roselilly36 · 27/01/2021 12:26

I have one really true friend, who would genuinely be there if I needed her. I have had a lot of transient friendships. Friendships change, when life changes, I really found out who my real friends were, when I was dx with Multiple Sclerosis.