Here we go again

[Drowningnotwaving74]

Ok
Long time lurker
So
I finally got out of an abusive relationship yay.
I start a new relationship with someone who was originally a friend of my ex.
Told to take it easy don't worry about starting work yet, treated like a princess.
Encouraged to take care of myself etc.
Row in September about money and what I'm costing I get a job nd start to contribute.
I go back to my original career October and start earning good wages.
A couple of silly comments go on Facebook from a contractor at a previous work and I am accused of having an affair with someone at old place of work.
Apparently I am behaving as all the cheating men on here do.
I Hve not cheated
Am I going mad?

Nope not going mad. Mad would be to ignore the red flags this time round. Mad would be to excuse his behaviour because he's stressed about money or vivid or any number of things. Mad would be to think "I am an easy going girlfriend who is compassionate and I'm gonna let this slide because he's really very lovely in many ways." Mad would be to think this is absolutely anything to do with you, it isn't, it's his shit to deal with bit not. Mad would be to think no it must be me because of the previous bf, no, it's just an opportunity to put yourself first this time and get out of the relationship. Mad would be to think all men are like this and I'll never meet a decent one. I promise you, promise, promise you that if you do the right thing, get out now before it escalates, maybe get some therapy or just really spend some time on your self you will meet a good person. The moment you truly decide that you're not going to accept this type of behaviour from anyone and you keep making that choice, these controlling, abusers won't even see you.

Sorry few typos in there! Hope things work out for you op!

Thank you nearly 19 years have broken me a bit I think
Latest row was because he decided I didn't want sex after I did n 11.5 hour shift on my feet no food

Jesus, just get rid. Seriously. I had an ex that would sulk if I didn’t want sex. Note the term EX.

Please put yourself first, don’t fall for another abusive man.

You've been love bombed. And now you're being gaslighted.

Please get out of there. You are worth more than this. Some great advice above. Please don't stay in another abusive relationship.

Trust your instincts. You learn from experience. You know there are red flags in this relationship. Don't ignore them. Sounds like lhe has very ittle respect for you. Walk away. You are worth so much more than this shit.

Please get out of this as soon as you can. Life is better than this.

OP, your title seems to read like you kind of expected it to happen, that this is how all relationships go?

Trust you instincts. You know what an abusive relationship looks like, and this one is ticking all the boxes.

End it. You did it before and can do it again. Put yourself first.

Does he read Mumsnet to know "how all the cheating men act"?
Why does he feel entitled to sex whenever he feels like it?
Leave him op, surely you know this isn't right?

Did you move straight in with him?
I noticed he is a friend of your ex. Id this the abusive ex? That would put me off straight away. Birthsnof a feather, and all that.

Sounds like you’re in another abusive relationship

Have you done the freedom programme? May help you avoid similar knobs in future

I know I'm an idiot
I did he gave me a safe place to stay and idiot me fell for it

Leave now. Don’t wait to see if it gets better. It absolutely won’t. You have a decent wage. You can stand on your own 2 feet. If you are able to, then leave today. If not as soon as you can.

Don’t make leaving until a drama (I’m not suggesting you would). Don’t debate it with him. Just leave and block.

It would probably be good if you could have a period of time as a single person. To get you in a good place emotionally. If you haven’t already done so, use that time to do the Freedom Programme.

You have done very well to rid yourself of a long term abusive relationship. You can do this.

Into. Not until!

YANBU. These are classic abuser red flags. Obviously you need to get rid. Are you living with him? Do you have somewhere to go temporarily?

The good news is your twat radar is clearly sharpening up and you are starting to be able to identify these toxic men: which is great because you've learned the lessons of the past and are better able to protect yourself. Congratulations on this.

The less good news is that you don't yet have enough resistance to them. A few things here should have been warning signs before the official "red flags". Did he ask you to move in and say he'd support you immediately? Did you not see the risk in this? It's way too much dependence way too soon.

Anyone who treats you "like a princess" (was that his terminology or yours? is an misogynist. It's such a regressive and backwards way to talk about women.

First concern is to get away from this man. After that I think you still have a lot of work to do on yourself before you go anywhere near another relationship. Freedom programme, as others have said.

I am broken
I know I will be ok though
My credit is shot from the last one is the problem

Nowhere to go and yes he asked me to stay and not move on from his
He threw me out last friday I was in a squat he collected me asked to try again then obviously this started again

OP have you moved back in? Or are you still in the squat? I assume you have nowhere else to go?

Talk to Women's Aid urgently. You need to get some advice about getting into a refuge.

Leave him. Your worth a lot more. Big hugs xx

Don’t move back in, call women’s aid today. You sound like you have the strength now to do it.

And btw you are not broken. This post demonstrates clearly why you're not broken. You've made a huge amount of progress in your self-respect and ability to avoid these situations. You just need some help.

Please be kinder to yourself and ask for help. Not from him.

You’re only mad if you continue the relationship.

If you’re now back at your job and earning well you should look into finding accommodation urgently, so you aren’t financially reliant on anyone else. You will have much more freedom and security that way.

And credit can be built up again, do you still have debts?