Here we go again

[Drowningnotwaving74]

Ok
Long time lurker
So
I finally got out of an abusive relationship yay.
I start a new relationship with someone who was originally a friend of my ex.
Told to take it easy don't worry about starting work yet, treated like a princess.
Encouraged to take care of myself etc.
Row in September about money and what I'm costing I get a job nd start to contribute.
I go back to my original career October and start earning good wages.
A couple of silly comments go on Facebook from a contractor at a previous work and I am accused of having an affair with someone at old place of work.
Apparently I am behaving as all the cheating men on here do.
I Hve not cheated
Am I going mad?

This had doom written all over it from the begining. Don't start a relationship with such a clear power unbalance in power. He lured you in by paying for everything and encouraging you not to work to make you 'grateful'.

Leave now, you owe him nothing. Phone a woman's charity, pack your stuff and escape now.

I felt something really sinister reading this, please please go.

@Drowningnotwaving74

I know I'm an idiot I did he gave me a safe place to stay and idiot me fell for it

Love, you’re absolutely NOT an idiot

HE could have been a decent person, HE didn’t have to start trying to break or control you.

But now you know what HE is, YOU know what you need to do

All of this will get easier, all of this is teaching you to be strong, trust your instincts and know that whatever happens you’re not going to stay in a situation where you’re not safe.

Keep talking, we’re here.

Thank you
I'm crying at work not good

Thank you nearly 19 years have broken me a bit I think

Dump him. Spend some time alone. Do the freedom program.

You're in another abusive relationship.

Not because you're an idiot - because you were vulnerable and this man targeted you for that.

It's good that you're working. What do you need to do to be able to move out asap?

Agree with Freedom Programme. Women's Aid might not hurt.

You can get away from abuser number 2 and make a good life. Its not your fault, there are a lot of entitled men out there. Try not to be hard on yourself.

Your immediate priority is to get to a place of safety. Focus on this now.

Once you have done that you need to give yourself a bit more credit. You have learned from having been in an abusive relationship and emerged stronger. You can now see them coming. You need to focus on the positive and be ruthless about getting out of the mentality that you are stuck or a victim.

I mean this kindly: I know how difficult it is. But you need to make sure you don’t allow yourself to slip back into the mindset that you need to be “saved”.

Women who stay any length of time in an abusive relationship, very often choose their next partner from the same mould.

Do we think it's worth trying to get into a refuge today

@Drowningnotwaving74

Do we think it's worth trying to get into a refuge today

Yes if you can, there are so many people more knowledgeable than me on here but can you take a few minutes now to phone women’s aid.

@praepondero

Women who stay any length of time in an abusive relationship, very often choose their next partner from the same mould.

Not too sure about the wording in this, but I get the sentiment

When we’re raised in such a way we have a vulnerability that’s visible to those who know what to look for. Counsellors can see it, but abusers can see it too.

When we end an abusive relationship we have to work hard to fix that vulnerability, we have to get zero tolerance on any form of manipulation and eventually it works. It switches off the beacon that draws them. They know not to bother, they pass on by. There are other easier victims (sadly)

I don't know about the refuge but could you try the local council ? There's also a website called My Spare Room you need to get away. You can rebuild your credit til you can get your own place. Good luck.

You are not stupid or an idiot. You were incredibly vulnerable.
You know how this will go, it will go badly. Please leave now. Ring refuges now. Don’t wait. He won’t change except for the worse.
You are so much better than this and deserve more.
Well done for noticing all the red flags this time, trust your instincts.

@Crayfishforyou

You are not stupid or an idiot. You were incredibly vulnerable. You know how this will go, it will go badly. Please leave now. Ring refuges now. Don’t wait. He won’t change except for the worse. You are so much better than this and deserve more. Well done for noticing all the red flags this time, trust your instincts.

This was part 2 of the message I kinda wanted to say.

Here here

Or is it hear hear

Brain fried by perma-zooming today