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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother should set a better example to her dd

43 replies

FrankAwenstein · 30/10/2007 09:46

arggh playgoround stuff I am afraid.

Ds had invited his friend over for tea this Wednesday. Was all arranged and ds was looking forward to it.

I got a text on Sunday saying 'would it b ok to leave tea till nxt week 'girls name' bin invited 2 do trick treat with m8s hope thats ok and u well cu 2morrow lv 'mums name' xx

I text back saying that 'ds' is likely to be upset as he was looking forward to it. Not sure what days available next week as likely to stay choir on Tuesday. Hope you are all well. See you tomorrow. 'my name'

The mother has blanked me now for past 2 mornings, I am really pissed off she hasnt even thought to see if ds is ok or apologise. I think it is out of order to make arrangements only to cancel when a 'better offer' comes up. THis isnt the first time she has done this. What is she teaching her daughter about how to treat friends? Also if it happened the other weay around she would be very annoyed and let everyone know about it.

Ds is ok, we have had a chat and used it as a learning experience of how not to treat friends. We are now going to see ds's best friend on Wednesday and have a mini halloween party.

OP posts:
dooley1 · 30/10/2007 09:48

hmmmm.... I think yabu
Often things come up and she probably hadn't realised it was Halloween
Maybe her dd has ben going on and on about trick or treating and let's face it they can come to you any time but Halloween is only once a year

PestoPumpkinMonster · 30/10/2007 09:50

Well personally I wouldn't get too het up about it. After all, Wednesday is Halloween and I would just rearrange the tea for another date. However, I wouldn't then go and book it for November 5th!

MrsTittleMouse · 30/10/2007 09:50

I can understand that trick or treating is a bit "special", but I hate the fact that the whole message is that you can cancel if something else comes along.
I bet she feels guilty and that's why she's blanking you.

Original poster
FrankAwenstein · 30/10/2007 09:56

She was aware it was halloween when we booked though. They were going to be doing halloween type things tho. I just think that if you arrange to meet up you should. It isnt the first time she has done this this either.

OP posts:
bozza · 30/10/2007 09:57

I can see both sides here. I would not arrange things (unless they are specific Halloween things) for 31 Oct.

Lorayn · 30/10/2007 09:57

Well, if I was going to cancel the weds tea, I would arrange another day there and then, I think it is pretty rude, but I think its pretty rude to ignore you in the playground.

warthog · 30/10/2007 10:24

she's rude. it's not ok to change plans because you get a better offer. yanbu

warthog · 30/10/2007 10:26

if she really needed to cancel she should have called, apologised, explained and made another date. she didn't apologise, her dd is just going trick or treating with a friend and now she's blanking you? she's embarrassed and ashamed. at least i hope she is.

bossykate · 30/10/2007 10:30

i cannot bear people who dump you if a better offer comes along - or worse leave you dangling with a provisional arrangement in case something better might come along!

YANBU.

Original poster
FrankAwenstein · 30/10/2007 21:39

Well I tried to be friendly again, smiled and said hello. She said hi and you alright? Which i said yes, how are you.. she said 'I guess i will be ok' then promptly stropped off again.

Ds was upset today as the girl annouced to the whole class that hse is excited as is going trick or treating tomorrow. Ds said that he thought it wasnt very nice that she is doing that rather than meeting up. He is very excited tho that we are going ot see his best friend.

OP posts:
macdoodle · 31/10/2007 00:54

Oh bugger making me feel bad...had casual plans with DD and 2 friends (mine and one other at same school) 3rd at different school for trick & treating tomorrow ....but girls at same school got invited to halloween party and were very excited wanted to go - so we cancelled/arranged for earlier with 3rd child - all 3 of us mums good friends but mum of 3rd girl clearly pissed off with us and I can understand why....I hate this stuff should we have forced our girls to spend time with child they are not that mad about to go to shool friends party ...
PS would never blank 3rd girls mum though and we have both apologised profusely

LoveAngel · 31/10/2007 08:12

Ummm. I think you are over-reacting.

belcantavinissima · 31/10/2007 08:21

what warthog and bossykate said. YANBU

LoveMyGirls · 31/10/2007 08:22

I hate it when this happens, I wouldn't be best pleased, I would be a bit annoyed if she ignored me in the playground as that is childish, I would make sure I looked her in the eye and smiled at every opportunity. I do this with a mum who arranged to come and see me to sort out childcare, she didnt turn up (4 times) and every time no phonecall etc I see her most days and I'm always pleasant.

I wouldnt go out of your way to arrange anything else.

mm22bys · 31/10/2007 08:33

It is not right to cancel / rearrange a plan, especially one involving children, just because a "better" offer comes along.

YANBU.

batters · 31/10/2007 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SSSandy2 · 31/10/2007 09:00

I don't know why your ds couldn't have been invited to go along trick or treating

elescarybells · 31/10/2007 09:12

agree with sssandy - i would of been nice for him to have been invited along too

MadamePlatypus · 31/10/2007 09:16

I think its bad manners to cancel because of a better offer, and particularly bad manners to cancel by text.

anightmareonMegletstreet · 31/10/2007 09:21

YANBU. Sets a bad example to children to mess people around.

I hope your DS has a fantastic spooky time with DS's best friend instead!

niceglasses · 31/10/2007 09:26

I've had this situation re tonight. Invited weeks ago to Halloween thing and said yes even though am quite honestly scared of the woman (she is quite aggressive) and my son not that good friends with her DD. Since been invited to party with other set of friends whom I've know for years and would love love love to go, BUT have of course stayed with original invite - you can't just drop it and go with a better offer. Looks rude.

[however, may leave earlier and try to get to other one. NORTY]

perpetualworrier · 31/10/2007 09:26

I must be a right old fogey - I think the worst part of this is that she cancelled by text - couldn't even speak to you about it.

I don't let my kids change an arrangement ever. If they've said they'll be there, they'll be there. They would have to be very ill to cancel an arrangement a friend was looking forward to. Although I often think I'm in the minority with this view point.

maggotandjerry · 31/10/2007 09:27

and on top of everything else, it is the height of bad manners for grown adults to indulge in text speak

Original poster
FrankAwenstein · 31/10/2007 09:32

She approached me this morning as asked if ds would be able to go to her dd's birthday party. Am not petty and know ds would enjoy it so will accpet invite. Will not however be trying arrange other social activities for the children with her tbh. If this was a one off I probably wouldnt be pissed off but it isnt a one off at all. Also another mum has now told me she has done the same to her dd. Feel sorry for the little girl in a way as she is being set a bad example.

Glad that the majority of posters dont think i am being unreasonable as was wondering if I am super sensitive as heavily preg.

Looking forward to tonight tho, ds is going to have loads of fun. We are all really good friends with ds's friends family (went on hols together) so should be a good evening

OP posts:
Original poster
FrankAwenstein · 31/10/2007 09:35

lol maggot & jerry - i know when i get the text messages from her it takes an age to decifer!

Niceglasses - but I am lovely

Have had issues with this mum in the past.. see this thread here

OP posts:
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