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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this mother should set a better example to her dd

43 replies

FrankAwenstein · 30/10/2007 09:46

arggh playgoround stuff I am afraid.

Ds had invited his friend over for tea this Wednesday. Was all arranged and ds was looking forward to it.

I got a text on Sunday saying 'would it b ok to leave tea till nxt week 'girls name' bin invited 2 do trick treat with m8s hope thats ok and u well cu 2morrow lv 'mums name' xx

I text back saying that 'ds' is likely to be upset as he was looking forward to it. Not sure what days available next week as likely to stay choir on Tuesday. Hope you are all well. See you tomorrow. 'my name'

The mother has blanked me now for past 2 mornings, I am really pissed off she hasnt even thought to see if ds is ok or apologise. I think it is out of order to make arrangements only to cancel when a 'better offer' comes up. THis isnt the first time she has done this. What is she teaching her daughter about how to treat friends? Also if it happened the other weay around she would be very annoyed and let everyone know about it.

Ds is ok, we have had a chat and used it as a learning experience of how not to treat friends. We are now going to see ds's best friend on Wednesday and have a mini halloween party.

OP posts:

catsmother · 31/10/2007 09:50

I don't like "better offers" either, though if someone is polite and apologetic about it and it really is a one-off opportunity then I wouldn't be too p*d off. I know of course that Halloween is only once a year, but it's not like this woman didn't know when it was and shouldn't have accepted the invite if there was a possibility of trick or treating.

It's the text thing which would really annoy me though. It's so rude to send a let down via text .... it saves the sender having to properly explain themselves, and from having to engage in a 2-way conversation. I'd feel far less annoyed in your shoes if someone had the guts/courtesy to speak to me - texts are so abrupt.

MaryAnnSingletomb · 31/10/2007 09:53

YANBU - it's very rude,in my opinion ,to opt for the so called 'better offer' - and she has written in text speakl which is unforgiveable !

HonoriaGlossop · 31/10/2007 09:57

agree with MaryAnn - i can almost forgive her more easily for the rudeness than for the text speak

Seriously though I do agree, YANBU; if you have an agreement you just don't let people down for a better offer, it's extremely rude. And you're right she should be setting her dd a better example.

ConnorTraceptive · 31/10/2007 10:04

YANBU I've cut so called "close" friend out because of this type of thing it's very rude and makes you feel like one of their "z" list friends.

ScaremyVile · 31/10/2007 10:16

Yanbu. Not a big deal, but definitely not good to give a child the impression that it's ok to drop one friend/arrangement when something 'better' comes along.

OrmIrian · 31/10/2007 10:20

Not nice and not a considerate way to behave. But unless she is a close friend who should treat you with more consideration, don't be hurt, you have to chalk it down to experience. Some people just have different rules for the way they live their lives. Sounds as if maybe you broke one of her 'rules' when you told her DS would be upset and you couldn't rearrange. But that's her problem really.

Twiglett · 31/10/2007 10:26

I wouldn't have used it as a 'learning experience of how not to treat friends' personally ... it rather sounds like it's a huge issue to you and I rather think this ensures it'll be a huge issue to DS too

Original poster

FrankAwenstein · 31/10/2007 10:30

lol - not a 'huge' issue. But not the first time happened either. Ds didnt think it was nice and was a good opportunity to highlight that this isnt how you should treat people. I am far more sad for his friend whos mum his teaching her that this is how you treat friends.

OP posts:

zookeeper · 31/10/2007 10:32

yabu - the poor woman probably overlooked the fact it was Halloween which is easily done (well it would be for me). I do agree that it wouldn't be right generally to drop a friend when you get a better offer but Halloween is once a year and tea can be any day.

I would have been really irritated to get your text back tbh

Original poster

FrankAwenstein · 31/10/2007 10:40

but she did know it was halloween. Oh well, think i will avoid making arrangements with her. In the past we made arrangements and she cancelled last minute saying sorry but something came up. Funnily enough she was then at bus stop opposite house with another woman and all the kids and they were going for a picnic. Later she said to me they didnt have a nice time and she wished they had actually come to us. Many other little incidents.

Not hugely important in the great scheme of things, but irritating imo, and also unfair i think on ds.

OP posts:

zookeeper · 31/10/2007 10:43

sorry I hadn't seen that she knew

homerton · 31/10/2007 13:25

Macdoodle... I do think that you were a bit mean, that girl is now on her own for Halloween. Couldn't she be brought along to the party? no wonder her mum is pissed off.

macdoodle · 31/10/2007 15:23

We have kinda rearranged and seeing the other child earlier to do trick or treating earlier and some snacks then will take our 2 to party.....could not have taken the other child to party as mum made clear that was family thing (she has 2-3? older kids) and were only inviting 5 from their class ...I agree that is not a very nice thing to do and I do feel bad ...the girls are all 6 by the way and though the 2 at same school get on really well.. the 3rd is quite immature and whiny in comparison and I know she annoys our 2 though they out up with her because they have known her their whole lives....I do think as kids grow up they develope their own friendships and sometimes grow out of these earlier ones

Original poster

FrankAwenstein · 31/10/2007 21:49

Ds had a fab time at his friends

OP posts:

MamaMaiasaura · 08/11/2007 15:10

Another chapter in the saga.

Girls mum has approached me (not said anything about halloween etc) and said her dd would like for my ds to come over for tea and when would be ok. Said that i wasnt sure when as he has lots going on.

(Monday - swimming, Tuesday - Choir, Wednesday - poss private guitar lessons, Thursday - Cricket, Firday - Every other his dads, Sunday - Rugby)

We had arranged already for ds to have a boy over for tea already yesterday, He is going to the same boys house next week for tea and the following week a birthday party to go to. The girls mum suggested i take ds over to hers on a weekend (only family time we get and everyother). I said that i didnt know if would be ok. She is aware ds has had boy over for tea. I said that ds would love to come over but very busy and is really wanting to play with this boy. Said it is most likely because ds is wanting to play more with boys atm (he is nearly 8, other boy is 9/10). At this the womans dd burst into teas. I felt like shit cos i didnt want to see anyone upset.

Once she had settled her dd into school i checked if everything was ok and said i'm sorry ds is so busy atm. Of course he wants to play with her and was gutted that they didnt get a playdate on halloween. The girls mother was really short with me (again) and just went off.

Argghh, why is it ok for her dd/her to cancel things last minute etc and when I am honest and saying how tight time is her dd gets all upset and the mother is shitty with me??

pukkapatch · 08/11/2007 15:21

why do you let this womans behaviour affect you so much?
ignore her. she isnt worht it. and dont bother organising playdates with ther dd. it sounds like mroe troubel thatn it is worth.

lucyellensmum · 08/11/2007 15:23

she burst into tears? heavens, she must have some other issues going on. Perhaps the trick or treat thing wasnt the reason in the first place. But who knows. I would give her the benefit of the doubt, especially if your DS enjoys the girls company. If there is a free slot offer it, be the bigger person

lucyellensmum · 08/11/2007 15:27

oh sorry, i mis read that, i thought you said the woman burst into tears. Playground politics, god save me!

Sounds like the mother has made a huge faux pas to be honest. I would still try and accomodate the girl though, its not her fault her mother is thoughtless.

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