AIBU morning routine

[EastLondonMumma]

Inspired by various posts I've seen on here and debate with my DH, how do couples organise parenting in the mornings? Ie from wake up until work starts, and especially if DW is SAHM and DH is working?

50/50?
Or SAHP does the lions share to enable breadwinner to get ready for work?
Does the SAHP always get time to shower or do other stuff?

When I was a SAHM I always got the children ready for school everything from waking them, breakfast and getting them to the front door on time. Normally my husband would take them to school on his way to work unless he was in early and then I'd take them.
I used to get up before anyone else so I could shower and everything before I woke the children up.
However he did do the morning routine one weekend morning.

DH WFH. I WOOTH. 1 DD, now 10 but this has been the pattern for a few years.

DH gets DD up, breakfasted, washed and to school (when open). He does his workout and starts work around 10:30am.

He picks DD up, gets her a snack, gets her to do whatever homework or music practice she needs to. I tend to take over at dinner time, so around 7pm. 5/7 I work out between around 8-9pm, so DH usually nags DD into her PJs etc and I do bedtime when I’m done.

Hollow laugh. DH is FT work and does zilch on morning for anyone but himself. It's just never on his radar. To be fair, he starts work at 7.30 (at home or in office) and works for 11 or 12 hours almost non stop (stressful high paid job). It's 'my job' to look after kids, house etc and he does his share of bedtime. I guess it's fair most of the time but it would be nice if he occasionally stepped in.

Ooh, forgot to say, he still earns more than me. So the whole “he can’t do more because he earns more” is bollocks.

Hmm I work part time and still do everything in the morning. My DH is not a morning person. He does help with children during the night though.

Dh works he does majority of the childcare / getting them ready etc so I can get ready for the day at home his reasoning is that he can grab a few mins here and there at work for drink/food/toilet etc and I can’t with the little ones so he gets them up and ready etc does breakfast, quick tidy and makes me coffee while I get dressed etc

I am expecting our pfb and have been mentioning to DH that I expect him to adjust his morning routine to allow for some "helping out" with the baby such as changing/feeding so that I have time to get ready for my day too... I shall update in April!

Dh works full time. I work 10 hours a week term time. I do pretty much everything in the mornings for the kids. Whoever gets downstairs first makes coffee for both of us.

When DC were young and I was SAHM I always got up early to be sure of having a shower before the day started properly. If DC already up then DH would sort breakfast, otherwise I would do that while he showered. DH definitely present and involved until he left for work.
In 20 years I cannot recall a single time (mornings, after work, weekends) where DH left everything to me when we were both in the house just because I was SAHM/part-time/not working that day. Both in the house means both being parents.

I'm a SAHM with two DC age 5 and 1. I do everything in the morning. I get up when the DC wake up. We all put our dressing gowns on and go through to the kitchen where I will make three of the same thing. We eat watching kids TV. The dishes go in the dishwasher after. My five year old will continue watching TV or play with his toys whilst I go for a shower (the younger one sits in his rocker on the bathroom floor, he's quite happy, I can have a long shower without him making as fuss). Then I get dressed in the bedroom whilst the youngest will play happily in his cot. Then I get him dressed last. My five year old can dress himself so I just lay his clothes on his bed and he'll get dressed when he's ready. That's it, breakfast done and everyone dressed.

I get to "my stuff" in the evening when DP will play with the kids after tea for however long it takes me to whatever I'm doing.

Both working, wife working from home.
I do it all pretty much with some assistance at times because there's certain things that our two year old insists only mummy is allowed do like brush her hair.

It works for us as my start time is later so I can shower and get ready for work after I've dropped her to creche whereas my wife will already be on calls by the time I get back

Pre-lockdown, I did everything in the morning because my DH had to be at work much earlier than me, but then he'd get home from work earlier and (some days with help do our after school nanny) do reading/homework, make them dinner, get them in the bath, and I'd come back in time for bedtime stories.

Now in lockdown, I exercise the mornings three days a week (leaving the house just before the Dc wake up) and DH does everything. The other four days, he sleeps in a bit later and I do everything.

DC are 4 and 7 and DH and I both work full time, from home at the moment.

Dh and I, 2 kids. I do most on a morning because he leaves an hour before me and the kids need to and they are usually just getting up when hes about to leave.

Pre-COVID, DH was up and out the door before the DC even woke up, so I did everything.

He's been working from home since March, so now he gets up and brings me a coffee, then starts checking his emails and so on, whilst I drink my coffee and chivvy the DC into brushing their teeth, making their beds and getting dressed. He then gives them their breakfast whilst I get myself ready, then I start homeschooling whilst he gets ready himself and then carries on working.

We have tried, as much as possible, to support each other during this horrible time.

Dh makes the morning cuppas for me and him. Then he gets himself ready and out the door (by 7.30am). I sort kids breakfast, have my shower while they eat, they then get dressed then I walk them to school (I wfh so log on at 9am).

It's not practical for me to insist dh does more in the morning- it's not required and it works well for both our jobs. He absoloutley does more to balance it out after work and weekends. I never feel burdened or harassed by his "lack" of help in the mornings.

Weekends we take a lie in each - and they are proper lie ins undisturbed.

Both working, we share depending on start times and diary of the day. It's more about WHO can be home with the kids than what needs doing frankly.

When I was on maternity leave, I did everything. DH would have woken me or one of the kids up while trying to help, I put my own sleep above any help

Kids were in bed by the time their dad came home, so no help in the evening either.

I quite enjoyed my maternity leave, unlike some posters who hates spending time with their children, I only went back to work for financial reasons. Any windfall and I would have been out of the door! (still would today)

quite enjoyed my maternity leave, unlike some posters who hates spending time with their children, I only went back to work for financial reasons. Any windfall and I would have been out of the door! (still would today)

Wow.

Normal times:
DH leaves for work earlier than me, so I'm responsible for getting DC up, breakfast, to school before I start work. DH will do pick-up as I arrive home later.

Covid lockdown:
Both WFH most days. DH gets DC breakfast downstairs whilst I shower and get ready. I then take over and do some homeschooling for an hour before work whilst DH does some work. After this, DH gets DC washed and dressed. So we pretty much share it! We also share bedtime routine too.

why wow BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
I am honest. I needed cash.

I hate the lockdown because my kids are missing out on life, not because they are with me. I can't understand the drama on this forum because someone has to look after their own child.

My wow was to this part:

unlike some posters who hates spending time with their children, I only went back to work for financial reasons

I used to get up first (natural early waker) and sort the kids with breakfast etc. He’s get up at 7, then I’d have a shower, get dressed etc while he finished off breakfast. He would dress them if I was drying hair etc. So mostly me/sometimes 50/50. No set routine of who did what

I can't understand it. If spending time with your children is such a hardship, why having children in the first place.

being so bored of them all, it's sad. I do judge.

That said, we always had threads about 1 week of half-term being too much for some parents, let alone the summer break. It's not a surprise. If people thought a week was too much already

Pre-Covid: I get up about 6.30 (to have a cup of tea before the rest of the household wakes), take tea and wake DH at 7am, the kids (aged 7, 9 and 11) get up and dressed themselves around 7am too. DH and I then share sorting breakfast out/making packed lunches/supervising teeth cleaning etc. He does school drop off 3 days, I do 2 days. We both work out of the home but his start time is flexible whereas mines not. He works full-time, I work 4 days a week. Since Covid, the routine is pretty similar other than DH now works from home (I still go to work - hospital). It’s very equal and I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. When the children were smaller, I was a SAHM for a few years but DH still had the same involvement in the morning routine.

I normally work FT outside the home. I currently WFH FT due to shielding. I do everything all the time just now as H is unwell with depression. It's very hard going.

When I am able to work outside the home H will do the minimum around school and childcare to enable me to work shifts. It is often a struggle for him and it's stressful for me worrying if all is well. But the only alternative is to quit work and as currently mine is the only income, that is not an option.

In answer to your question I would expect a SAHP to get the kids up, dressed and fed in the morning. That's part of the 'job' I think. If they were going to school/nursery and the other parent was going to work they could maybe drop the children off on their way.
At the other end of the day I'd expect both to do their share of bedtime, unless work or other commitments didn't allow for that.

On the working parent's days off I'd expect the parenting and associated tasks to be shared equally. Both parents need 'down time' too each day, if possible.

Remember it's not a competition, you should be a team. If either party feels hard done by then something is wrong and needs to be addressed