To blame you lot and demand help! (Cake related!)

[LemonInPlay]

Before Christmas there were a few threads/posts on here recommending christmas cake, cheese and port.

Previously I imagined that only victorian ghosts and ancient Yorkshiremen ate this, but I was inspired to give it a go as I was after a nice, grown up christmas treat.

So I duly bought a good quality cake, a slab of decent Wensleydale and a great bottle of port.

WELL I AM FUCKING HOOKED AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

But now......

Now there are no fucking decent fruitcakes (soaked in booze ones!) in any fucking shop, it is still cold and wintery and I WANT MY TREAT!

I need this.....I am having a bloody shit time at the moment and my "happy place" is in my dressing gown watching spooky shit and eating cake, cheese and port.

I have looked online, but honestly don't know which ones are best, and I can't afford to spend a fortune, but I do want a decent one.

So AIBU to demand that you make atonement for getting me addicted to this lovely food by giving me decent but fairly priced cake recs for online ordering??

I have a penchant for jam sandwiches and cheese. Cheaper than cake, though not alcoholic.

@Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp

Wait wait wait WAIT. Cake and cheese? As in, together?!

Yes. It's The Law in Yorkshire.

Picture shamelessly stolen from the Wensleydale Creamery website linked to above, which I may need to revisit and buy All The Cheese.

[quote elizaco]This will go perfectly with your Wensleydale cheese :)
www.wensleydale.co.uk/product/cocketts-fruit-cake--size-8-approx-17kg/[/quote]
@elizaco I saw this link and thought it was going to be a 17kg fruit cake, my hopes were sky high...

@SisyphusDad

Slightly off topic, but my mum used to make two Christmas cakes, one for us and one for her parents and they used to benefit from whatever was left in the drinks cupboard.

My grandfather used to continue to nurture them and kept several vintages, slowly getting through each one - 'a slice of 1975, anyone?'

I love this @SisyphusDad. My parents have only just finished the Christmas cake I made them last year, they might be up for nurturing a stable of Christmas cakes in the future, I'll suggest it.

Bloody love Christmas cake although in this neck of the woods we call it spice. My mam always made ours and also did a rice cake which was also superb in the quality plainness. You would have a slice of spice , slice of rice , chod of cheese and a glass of home made gingerwine. My auntie Nellie made ours and it used to blow your head off

I love this, OP. I (as the young 'uns would say) STAN IT!!

Fully applauding your tantrum for treats here BUT now I want fecking fruit cake, wendsleydale and port and it's even harder for me to get a hold of a decent fruit cake because it has to be bloody gluten free!!!!

Harrumph & shit!!!

Porter cake is amazing and will scratch that itch of yours. It is basically a Christmas cake but without the faff and sooo simple and quick to make.
www.bbcgoodfood.com/user/138098/recipe/porter-cake

You could treat yourself to a fancy one? I've not tried this Fortnums one but I imagine it's good.
www.fortnumandmason.com/fortnum-s-fruit-cake-450g

Or a friend sent me this Bettys iced one for my birthday and it was delicious www.bettys.co.uk/soft-iced-happy-birthday-cake-new

@BarbaraofSeville is totally correct. If you order anything from Bettys you will also need a couple of Fat Rascals! And a fondant fancy or two for good measure.

We (Yorkshire Dales) also have Wensleydale with apple pie - “apple pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze”.

You have brightened up my dreary Dorset day. Try the Delia recipe, they always work. Or the Christmas Pud recipe,
Your craving: For an instant hit - malt loaf is worth a try.

Bettys and Fortnums do them £££ though thank god or else I would have an arse like a space hopper Feel your pain though, OP, I bought a Pandoro from Carluccio's sale, because I couldn't say goodbye just yet! and we are in a pandemic goddammit and if gets us through, so be it!! [rings bell and receives applause]

www.botham.co.uk/acatalog/landlord-fruit-cakes-bothams.html

My drug of choice here OP, especially with good cheese.

Will also put in a good word for the apricot and orange tea bread, toasted for breakfast. Totally worth the lockdown weight gain!!

PM your address Lemony and I'll post you one over. If posting a cake bri gs joy in these shit times I'm happy to oblige. Not sure if steeped in brandy or whisky... Think it's brandy. I'm sure you can cope with either

@LemonInPlay - if you make Delia’s Christmas cake, you could eat it the same day. I soak the fruit in brandy for a couple of weeks, but you can just warm the fruit and brandy in the microwave and use it straight away - there is no difference in taste.

If you want to feed the cake, you can do this as soon as it is cool enough, and I think, if you made holes and fed it from the top and the bottom of the cake, that would ensure good penetration. And you can carry on feeding the remnants of cake after you start cutting it.

Buy a good supply next December

Yabvvvvu.

I tried this last year and I felt like I was being sick in my mouth. Eugh. Cheese - great. Cake - great. The two together were sickly sweet and vile.

However Yanbu to want to eat a nice bit of fruit cake.

Christmas cake and wensleydale with cranberries in is the food of choice in this Yorkshire household. Our adult kids don't like it weirdos.

Delia Smith rich fruit cake. Use vodka instead of brandy.