To blame you lot and demand help! (Cake related!)

[LemonInPlay]

Before Christmas there were a few threads/posts on here recommending christmas cake, cheese and port.

Previously I imagined that only victorian ghosts and ancient Yorkshiremen ate this, but I was inspired to give it a go as I was after a nice, grown up christmas treat.

So I duly bought a good quality cake, a slab of decent Wensleydale and a great bottle of port.

WELL I AM FUCKING HOOKED AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

But now......

Now there are no fucking decent fruitcakes (soaked in booze ones!) in any fucking shop, it is still cold and wintery and I WANT MY TREAT!

I need this.....I am having a bloody shit time at the moment and my "happy place" is in my dressing gown watching spooky shit and eating cake, cheese and port.

I have looked online, but honestly don't know which ones are best, and I can't afford to spend a fortune, but I do want a decent one.

So AIBU to demand that you make atonement for getting me addicted to this lovely food by giving me decent but fairly priced cake recs for online ordering??

@SallyTimms

Hah! cross post... as long as it's not poisoned send it this way!

It depends how boozy you want it OP! I soak my fruit for three days when I make Christmas cake but lots of recipes don't call for that. I also then 'feed' it brandy for 4/5 weeks, but again this isn't technically necessary. I'd agree with being about to have a decent one in 48hours, the rest of the time is just mostly spent making it more alcoholic 😂

@CSIblonde

Asda fruitcake . Brick shaped but packed with fruit & fabulous. And cheap 😁.

My local Asda is shite and does not have even fruit bread never mind fruit cake.

@emmafou1807

It depends how boozy you want it OP! I soak my fruit for three days when I make Christmas cake but lots of recipes don't call for that. I also then 'feed' it brandy for 4/5 weeks, but again this isn't technically necessary. I'd agree with being about to have a decent one in 48hours, the rest of the time is just mostly spent making it more alcoholic 😂

I think it's the alcoholic bit I really like though!

I'm at work at the moment but I got one off my MIL which has made my Christmas every year.
I'll dig out the recpie when I get home.

@LemonInPlay I’m really sorry but you HAVE to go down the Betty’s route and also get Gooey Fat Rascals... but friends from Yorkshire recently introduced us to the wicked delights of Gooey Fat Rascals and also the fondants . You have to do this for all of us in South East

@JontyDoggle37

Tesco’s always used to sell a white iced ‘celebration cake’ all year. I used to buy it when I was competing my horse a lot, so I could eat in between dressage tests for an energy boost.

What kind of monster are you? Cheese and chips from the burger van washed down with 1/2 litre of energy drink is the way to go! Although I admit eventing possibly conjures a different need.

Bettys Fondant fancies are amazing

This will go perfectly with your Wensleydale cheese :)
www.wensleydale.co.uk/product/cocketts-fruit-cake--size-8-approx-17kg/

Speaking as a - dare I say it - voice of authority on this (I'm from Wensleydale, AND I have, in the past during school holidays etc worked at the creamery where it's made as a waitress) Wensleydale goes well with ALL fruitcake, not just Christmas cake. Surely the shops have some fruitcake in, even if not as boozy as preferred?

Failing that, I make Delia's Creole Christmas cake for Christmas each year, which is very boozy, and very easy to make. You could do this with just a week's lead-in time, as you soak all the fruits, spices and booze (and it involves quite the selection - brandy, rum, port and cherry brandy), leave for a week, then mix with the dry ingredients and bake. I usually make this on stir up Sunday so granted a month before Christmas but think it would still be delicious.

Lastly, I leave with the gift that is the suggestion you try Wensleydale with ginger. Might require an online order if not on Wensleydale, but worth it. So worth it.

Not fruit cake but our local bakers make great malt loaf and they suggested trying it with cheese. Oh my what a game changer!

Yes to the mincemeat Christmas cake! It is lovely.

Oh, and it's already been mentioned up thread but Betty's do mail order for those of us exiled in the south and craving northern treats.

@Lemonyfuckit are you tempting us with Wensleydale with ginger IN or is the ginger out, or in cake?

Another vote for Delia's Creole cake. You needn't let the fruits steep before bunging it all in the oven. I would recommend a good feed of brandy/golden rum before marzipanning (is that a word?) and icing. If you don't marzipan and ice the cake YABVU and deserve none!

The ginger is in the Wensleydale cheese. Little chunks of crystallised stem ginger. It's DELICIOUS

Oh God I’m going to have to go and find some now

I haven't had any for ages but now I'm thinking about it and really want it!

M&S used to do a fancy fruit cake. I used it for my wedding cake.

YABVVVVV U because you've made me want some now!!!

I’ve only gone and done it

Slightly off topic, but my mum used to make two Christmas cakes, one for us and one for her parents and they used to benefit from whatever was left in the drinks cupboard.

My grandfather used to continue to nurture them and kept several vintages, slowly getting through each one - 'a slice of 1975, anyone?'

Wait wait wait WAIT. Cake and cheese? As in, together?!

I am sorry, I sent you in this path of luxurious addiction.
However it’s time for tough love!
It’s such a treat because we only have it for a few weeks each year. I baked a cake that was far too big and gave away over half. We still have 1/8th left and nigh crack it out on Valentine’s night!

Aldi whiskey cake. Delicious and cheap and cheerful