To think it’s concerning not to have any empathy

[Builditupp]

Dd has admitted she feels no empathy towards others. She just says she reacts in the socially acceptable way but doesn’t really care about people.

No I’m worried she may emotionally damage them if she’s got no empathy. She’s never been violent.

Well, if she really has no empathy she probably wouldn't want children -- what on earth would be the point?

Really, I can't see why you're so concerned by this deeply hypothetical future scenario based on several levels of ifs and uncertainties. This doesn't seem like something to dwell on at all; if this is all you have to worry about with a teenage daughter you're not doing too badly!

The brain is still developing until 25 (possibly later), particularly the parts associated with empathy.

Your DD clearly has cognitive empathy, she can perceive and understand other people's feelings. When she says she doesn't care, I wonder if she means that she doesn't have a strong emotional response? Emotional empathy can involve strong emotions, like crying, feeling distressed because of another person's plight. Compassion is not such a strong, recognisable, emotional feeling though IYSWIM?

When she says she doesn't care, does she mean if her friend were crying, she wouldn't feel sad or angry about whatever her friend is crying about but she would want to make her feel happy, help her? That is still empathy, that is "caring". Or does she mean she really isn't bothered how her friend feels and would rather to leave her to it, would be annoyed if helping her friend inconvenienced her but only goes through the motions of being kind for selfish reasons because it would be detrimental to your DD not to do it (eg her friends would judge her)? That would be "not caring".

Like many PPs, I didn't have strong emotional empathetic feelings until I was in my mid twenties and had my first DC. I was kind and compassionate though.

How would she feel if she saw someone repeatedly kicking a cat? Anger? Would she want to stop them? That is empathy.

Like many PPs, I didn't have strong emotional empathetic feelings until I was in my mid twenties and had my first DC. I was kind and compassionate though

Just to clarify, I mean I wouldn't cry at documentaries, the news, or films.

Do you have pets @Builditupp? How is she with them if you do?

I didn’t have any empathy what do ever until I became a mother.

I think at least for myself, it's trying to be a realist and balance my expectations, e.g. I try not to go to far with regards to happy / unhappy, I try to contain my feelings and think it through the profiles for different situational outcomes, and as a result , I can understand peoples points and perspectives, but sometimes I'm clinical in that I can understand the words to.hopefully help the other person , but with my own emotions, it seems quite clinical, although I wondered if that's due to me compartmentalizeing them.

I have no empathy, I never have. I can understand why someone would be upset, that a relative dying is a bad thing to happen, that when someone is upset I should make a cup of tea or offer a kind word. But I don't feel any of this, I have to actively think of what the appropriate response would be. It's not always a bad thing, my friends would describe me as lovely, always there for them, fun. My Godchildren think I am the most fun person to be around. I think I am a bit of an arse, but others don't and thats important. It has served me well, I function very well considering the childhood trauma I suffered, I went into a children's safeguarding role because I can hear or see certain things and not be visibly distraught like some, it angers me as I know morally it is wrong and I dislike the idea of suffering even if I don't feel it, and it drives me to WANT to end this for the child as it must be awful, but I don't actually feel saddened by it. I know my lack of empathy would never stop me being a good mother one day, I will just have to work harder at it. Explore it with her, if she's acting appropriately and it doesn't otherwise bother her then it should be ok. Not everyone who lacks empathy goes on to become a psychopathic murderer.

I know someone like this. She has to have it explained to her why her thoughtless and cruel behaviour has hurt someone. She then gets very defensive and angry.
She will always place herself in the victim role and never apologises. I suspect she is a narcisstic.
I would be worried if your daughter was mine.

Have you ever lost a pet or family member? How did she react? Is she purposely unkind or pushing boundaries to see people ms reaction? It's difficult to give an opinion as we don't know the full story. I was incredibly self absorbed as a teenager. But still had empathy for any other living thing that suffered.

At 19 you feel fairly self centered if I remember correctly.
I often hear of crime stories and realised they were fairly local during my teenage years I never gave those women a 2nd thought back then.
Some people are level headed and don't do emotions.

It is actually quite rare for autistic people to be lacking in empathy. We tend to switch off/shut down because we find emotions overwhelming. There are many of us who would appreciate the tired old lacking in empathy trope being retired.

@Gilead I was thinking the same, any autistic people I've met are very loving and empathetic they like touching, smiling responses meltdowns aside.

From another perspective, I don't think I really felt or understood empathy until my late 20s. I was totally normal then (if not a little unkind as I wasn't 'reading' people right) and I am totally normal now.

Empathy in autistic people is felt and expressed differently than to neurotypical people.

Please don't trot the outdated 'autistics lack empathy' rubbish. It's actually very offensive.

I struggled to empathise with people at that age but am now very empathetic. I think I just didn't have enough life experience to be able to relate to other people's feelings and experiences. Once I had my own experiences I found I was weeping in films like the rest of them! The first time I experienced grief changed me, and that was in my late teens. After that, and some more grief and loss and eventually becoming a Mum I am a blubbering bleeding heart just like my Mum