Am I overly critical ?

[Acheyneck]

I am having trouble deciding who is right here . My husband and I are going through a rough patch , he told me he wants to leave but can’t decide or do it during lockdown so is waiting. This came out of the blue for me and I have been upset when he me mentions it . This has led to him now stonewalling me as he says he can’t talk about it as I get upset. I have also been talking to friends about what is happening, he tells me I am twisting everything he says and that he cannot talk to me about how he feels anymore as I am making him look like the bad person

He tells me one of the reasons he wants to leave is that I am overly sensative. So I am trying to work out if i am or whether his behaviour is wrong . He is very under minding about my parenting style - I occasionally give in to my toddler with his wants , and my husband will say things like ‘wow Authorative’ and walk off, Or if my son says ‘I want a smoothie ‘ my husband gets cross and says to him ‘mummy should give you stuff if you say ‘want’ and not ‘I would like’ and roll
His eyes at me. I take this As critical about my parenting style but he is saying that he is allowed a view. These are just some examples from the weekend , he refuses to let me cook , and if I have a day where I Play with my son or relax he gets cross that I am not being productive. I do 99 percent of the parenting, as he is very traditional
In his roles of parenting , despite me working full time and being the breadwinner (I do a lot of work in the evenings when my son is in bed )

He has barely talked to me this weekend whilst I have been playing with our son, and when I said that I was getting out of the house as the atmosphere was not nice , he said to me ‘look at your face’.

His behaviour is making me want to end the relationship but I am not sure if it’s me overthinking and reacting to things

@ginnybag

He's useless, and you need to get rid asap, but some of what you're saying is ringing some alarm bells for me.

Is your toddler in nursery? If so, who does drop off and pick up? Does your partner work out of the house normally, and if so, how many hours? Does he ever do childcare? I ask, because I'm wondering f he's trying to muddy the waters re who the main caregiver is. You say he's 'traditional'. but.... If he's working less hours, insisting on solely doing tasks like cooking etc, he could be trying to create a position where he can claim he's the main caregiver to your son, and so you will have to leave, and keep supporting them.

He does work full time also but I earn a lot more as I have spent time progressing myself where he has not, we rely on my full time salary but he did not want to reduce any hours at work to support with my son who is a nursery 3 days a week. Absolutely no way he would be able to claim himself as the main caregiver nor would he want the role or cope with it . He has struggling with the adjustment to parenthood as he has lost some if my attention. I didn’t want to leave him until he voiced that he wanted to leave me and then I have been able to see things more clearly

He resents the fact you earn more than him so puts you down in other ways because he's selfish and insecure.

I'd be telling him to leave and getting legal advice. It's not like he's a big full on presence as a father and nor is he a supportive partner, so you'll hardly miss him really.

Tell him you've been doing a lot of thinking and you agree, the relationship is over and you need to part ways.

awww so sorry you're going through this OP, it's hard for any of us to really get a picture of what's going on but it sounds like everything he's saying and doing is designed to eat away at your confidence. If he's saying he's thinking of leaving tell him to go next time, don't let him hold that over you as some sort of threat, take back control of your life

@Acheyneck

I am having trouble deciding who is right here . My husband and I are going through a rough patch , he told me he wants to leave but can’t decide or do it during lockdown so is waiting. This came out of the blue for me and I have been upset when he me mentions it . This has led to him now stonewalling me as he says he can’t talk about it as I get upset. I have also been talking to friends about what is happening, he tells me I am twisting everything he says and that he cannot talk to me about how he feels anymore as I am making him look like the bad person

He tells me one of the reasons he wants to leave is that I am overly sensative. So I am trying to work out if i am or whether his behaviour is wrong . He is very under minding about my parenting style - I occasionally give in to my toddler with his wants , and my husband will say things like ‘wow Authorative’ and walk off, Or if my son says ‘I want a smoothie ‘ my husband gets cross and says to him ‘mummy should give you stuff if you say ‘want’ and not ‘I would like’ and roll
His eyes at me. I take this As critical about my parenting style but he is saying that he is allowed a view. These are just some examples from the weekend , he refuses to let me cook , and if I have a day where I Play with my son or relax he gets cross that I am not being productive. I do 99 percent of the parenting, as he is very traditional
In his roles of parenting , despite me working full time and being the breadwinner (I do a lot of work in the evenings when my son is in bed )

He has barely talked to me this weekend whilst I have been playing with our son, and when I said that I was getting out of the house as the atmosphere was not nice , he said to me ‘look at your face’.

His behaviour is making me want to end the relationship but I am not sure if it’s me overthinking and reacting to things

So he stonewalls you, gaslights you, controls you, undermines you, doesn't do childcare, criticises your parenting, isn't ambitious or hard working by the sounds of it, is passive aggressive towards you, doesn't want you to play with your own child because it doesn't benefit HIM, and also has utterly ridiculous expectations of a toddler (eg being annoying at your child not saying "would like" instead of want).

Yeah, he can fuck right off.

He's gaslighting you. Fuck him off immediately.

Not sure if it's been said yet but him threatening you with leaving - dangling it over your head until he feels he wants to or until "after COVID" - is abusive behaviour.

I second all the others here - he sounds awful. You and deserve better.

*You and your child