Page 2 | Friend blocked me on fB. WWYD

elizabethdraper · 25/01/2021 01:31

Take a hint. She told you not to contact her but you did. So she blocked you, rightly

She is also aware you really don't like her or her attitude and she doesn't want you in her life.

Again she has really made this clear

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Scottishskifun · 25/01/2021 01:34

I would move on I know it's upsetting but you tried to reach out she didn't want it and now has stopped contact.

I had a friend do something similar even blamed me for her mental health issues despite the fact that I had been one of the few people who was there listening when things were tough etc.

I've actually found it's been a real release after the initial upset. It was really draining the constant worry, trying to help out (when she had asked) her expectations that I should drop everything if she called.
Now I just get on with life, enjoy my family and enjoy my lock down walks!

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alphajuliet123 · 25/01/2021 01:37

I’d do nothing until her birthday and I’d send her a card.

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FunkBus · 25/01/2021 01:40

I have a friend who did that, yet still invites me over to her house and stuff. People are just so odd. I used to spend time wondering why, now I just try to get on with things. You can never know what's going on in someone else's mind. I've also blocked people because they were just getting on my nerves or sometimes because I was jealous of their life and I wanted some control back...yeah. Humans are weird.

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Palatka · 25/01/2021 01:42

I guess I misread the signals. I didn't think she was telling me not to contact her.

This was what she sent to me a couple of months ago
"Hi, I've switched off from the world for a bit, my mobile and FB is off, can't handle this shit anymore. [Test] was a nightmare, been sick ever since, don't take this personally but I'm done with people and the shit which goes with them, just stepping off the merry go round for now"

I thought she just needed some space so I left it a month before sending a "Hey, how are you doing?" which is unread (or set to look unread).

That's it - that's the sum of the times I tried to contact her before she blocked me - one message.

I DO like her, so much. I just find it a shame that she's in such a downward spiral with the place and the people, that it's making her so miserable, where I love this place and the people. I'm not being a bitch about it, i just think it's a very pertinent point

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Palatka · 25/01/2021 01:45

She's not an emotional drain either. She wasn't constantly expecting me to be there at the drop of a hat. We would talk about things and her problems but it wasn't constant. She was the friend who would offer to stop what she was doing and be by my side if I needed her.

We weren't in the habit of constantly offloading problems on to each other, maybe once every two to three weeks she'd update on her inheritance problems.

I guess that's why i'm so puzzled by it all.

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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/01/2021 01:59

For whatever reason, she doesn't consider you to be the good friend that you consider her.
That isn't anything to do with YOU, it's to do with her perception of you.

It's very frustrating when it happens - it's happened to me a couple of times in my life, and it IS hard to let go when you just can't work out what you're meant to have done to bring this on!

In one friend's case, I messaged her via a different platform and she did actually message me back and explain - it was a historical issue that she'd held onto for years, and then had had some trouble in her life and just decided to cut out anyone who had caused her pain or sadness. In my case it was a stupid off-the-cuff remark while we were all perilously drunk - but it had stuck with her. I had absolutely zero recollection of it, and it didn't sound like something I would have said, but I acknowledged her feelings and apologised unreservedly. We resumed contact and have stayed in touch since.

The other one - not a fecking clue. We still have mutual friends and I did try to sound them out without putting them in a difficult position, but they didn't tell me anything useful so either they knew and didn't want to tell me or they didn't know. Never found out and I still have a few trouble trying to let it go, although it rarely bothers me now.

You will also have to learn to let it go - because even if you do have mutual friends still, it's unfair to put them in the middle of the situation. Sorry you're dealing with it though, it does suck.

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FunkBus · 25/01/2021 02:06

"I DO like her, so much. I just find it a shame that she's in such a downward spiral with the place and the people, that it's making her so miserable, where I love this place and the people. "

I get that from both sides, I also live abroad and for the first five years I hated it. Now I like it. It's hard when you get into a negative mindset about things.

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SnoozyLou · 25/01/2021 02:12

We all have things going on in our lives, but some behaviour isn't really excusable. I think she wants to cut you off. I would actively give her a shove.

It is her. It isn't you.

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VegemiteIsToasty · 25/01/2021 02:44

Leave it, she’s being weird. She’s also a being rude, but I wouldn’t personally be offended, I’d just leave her to her rude weirdness.

But I would be a bit lukewarm about the possibility of her wanting to be friends later, sounds like a drama lama.

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CatAndHisKit · 25/01/2021 02:48

I think it's exactly that - you liking the people and the place while she doesn't and it grates on her. You probably express how happy you are with the place when you chat and it annoys her. Not your fault at all!

And previiouisly she was probably ok with it, but now she's got health issues AND not happy with the place, she possibly just can't take any of this 'happiness' from anyone. And especially if you post various positive stuff on fb, it might annoy her - not you as a person but the posts. She may well get back to you once her health is better (hopefully).
Personally when i'm unwell or worried about smth new, I want to hide or want to talk abouth these issues which I realise is boring for most friends, so easier to hide.

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Hydrate · 25/01/2021 03:05

I would not do anything.

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daisychain01 · 25/01/2021 03:15

She's had a general "friends" cull and unfortunately it's probably "last in, first out."

Fakebook is the easiest way of doing that, it's instantly obvious that you're not in her inner circle. She did give you a bit of a clue by saying she wanted to step away and that's what she's done.

Don't take it personally, I'd just move on. I certainly wouldn't write her a letter, it could get you sucked back in until the next time she decides to do it. Someone who values your friendship and wants to nurture the relationship wouldn't block you, that's life with Fakebook I'm afraid, easy come, easy go.

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Fizzyhopscoth · 25/01/2021 03:33

I wouldn't be begging to be in any bodys life.

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tootysweety · 25/01/2021 04:07

I’d leave it. She’s ghosted you. Time to move on

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BlackCatShadow · 25/01/2021 04:16

Definitely don’t send the letter. I do get that it’s upsetting, but you need to just let it go. I agree that it sounded like she was annoyed by you contacting her and that’s why she blocked you. You can’t explain some things.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 25/01/2021 04:25

@Crampon

She's probably blocked you as you contacted her when she'd asked you not to. It sounds as though she has emotional problems. Wait and see what happens but I'd say if you become friends again there is the chance of this happening again.

This is what I thinks too. If your mutual friend contacted her again, she would probably do the same too. This doesn’t sound personal. However, for your sanity, you need to move on.

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Sinful8 · 25/01/2021 04:33

@Palatka

To start with we're in our 50s, so not kids.

We're both Brits living overseas and were introduced by a mutual friend.

Friend and i hit it off and became good friends even though the mutual friend drifted away. Neither of us have many proper friends here so we used to enjoy getting together whenever we could.

She has a very different attitude to where we live - she always sees problems whereas i have a very positive experience. She can be quite aggressive in some ways. If someone is late paying her DH for work he has done she'll intervene and give them shit without giving him a chance to sort it out first. she always seems to have some crap on her plate.

She's had a few health issues plus some big inheritance issues with her siblings back in her home country. She's talked to me at length about her inheritance problems and I've been as supportive as i can, even though there's not much i can really do.

In november she had to have some follow up tests done and i wished her well and told her to let me know how she got on. I didn't hear back from her so i sent a message asking if she was ok. No reply so i tried calling and left a voicemail.
Not long after she sent me a message saying not to take it personally but she'd had enough of everything so she was stepping away from social media and people for a while. She ended her message with "take care" and i replied "you too x"
Shortly before Christmas i sent her a message just saying i hoped she was doing ok. Although I'd seen her online on FB, and also sharing a post, that message always says it was unread. A few days ago I tried to send her a message but it wouldn't send and i couldn't find her on FB.
i asked another mutual friend if she could see her profile and she could, so i was very obviously blocked.

I'm pretty shocked and really quite upset as she has blocked me right out of the blue - i hadn't tried to contact her for a month.
This is a friend who would offer to go to a medical appointment with me, or who said she was coming to support me (she lives and hour away) when we thought we might lose our house to a natural disaster.

I really don't know why just me, and why now. The other friend had tried to contact her a week or so ago and she just replied that she had a lot on her plate. Mutual friend's subsequent messages have gone unread.
I miss her.

I've toyed with the idea of sending her a letter saying i know she's blocked me but if she ever wants to get back in touch then my door is always open but I'll leave it to her to decide and that I won't bother her again though.
Then I think "fuck her". If she can block me so easily we didn't have the friendship I thought we did and try and forget about her.

So wwyd?

Did you spout off about her personal life on FB/messenger like you have here?

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Palatka · 25/01/2021 04:51

Sinful8 oh yeah that’ll be it.
Do you know who she is from what I’ve posted? No? Didn’t think so.

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Graphista · 25/01/2021 05:05

Why are you shocked? Her behaviour in the run up was quite clear I'd say she was hinting for ages she wanted to step back from the friendship.

Her reasons may not be specific to you or they may be but she has chosen to end contact and that choice is hers to make.

Respect it and by doing so also respect yourself.

If you do the "doors always open thing" it's akin to the pick me dance imo

Don't do it to yourself

And tbh you were very negative about her in the op. Not all expats/emigrants settle in well people struggle for all kinds of reasons.

I loved living overseas but I certainly was friendly with several who didn't like it at all.

You also say this all occurred shortly after medical tests? Maybe she's had horrible news and is trying to process? Or maybe it's to do with something like fertility issues and she's avoiding people with young dc/pregnancies/potential pregnancies ? Something like that?

That message is pretty clear to be honest if I received a message like that I'd not contact the person.

I've at times been the person who needs a breather and I explain this to people, I have quite severe mh issues which they know about so thankfully they understand and I hope I communicate politely.

Sounds to me like she's dealing with a combination of hating where she's currently living (allowed, happens to a lot of us), possible serious or traumatising medical issues, plus of course the pressures and stress were all under with the pandemic which may be making her pre covid issues even harder.

She's not asking anything of you she's managing things as she needs to.

You need to move on. It's sad when a friendship ends but sometimes they do

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kittycorner · 25/01/2021 05:07

It is very hard @Palatka but sadly she's ghosted you and you just need to accept that. Let her be the one to have regrets. Sound as if you deserve a better friend and someone who can better communicate.

This has happened to me and I learned the reason why about 5 years after it happened and made complete sense. All to do with the other person and their own issues and nothing to do specifically with me. I know that feels so hard when you don't know the facts but hold you head up high.

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2021x · 25/01/2021 05:27

Being blocked feels like shit... no matter the circumstances. I was blocked by someone a couple of years ago and it was a bit of a shock.

Feel sad sad about it for a bit, look after yourself and just leave it. She doesn’t want to talk to you.

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Rathmobhaile · 25/01/2021 05:32

She asked you to leave her alone and you chose to contact her anyway. I know it was just one message but it was a message that was looking for an answer. So she blocked you. Sending a letter is about making you feel better but disregarding what your friend said she needed in her life.

Don't send the letter - you might think you're being kind. I think you'd be rude disregarding your friends wishes.

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CrotchBurn · 25/01/2021 05:38

My guesses:

Homesick but husband won't leave, making her feel very sad and angry/resentful
Very bad medical news

I would actually write a letter because you have nothing to lose

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Palatka · 25/01/2021 05:54

I guess that’s where I went wrong - I didn’t read it as her asking me specifically to leave her alone, just that she was taking a step back.

As for being homesick, I’ve asked her if she’d ever go back (home) and her answer was “Oh fuck, no!”

Yes, I sent one message looking for an answer. The other friend did the same and not only did she not get blocked, she also got an answer.

No, no fertility issues - as I said in my OP we’re both in our 50s.

Graphista I think you probably hit the nail on the head.

She’s probably dealing with more than I realize, and instead of telling me about it as she usually does, she’s turned inwards and I’ve misread the situation.

I guess I do have to let it go. It’s tough though because I do think so much of her and really miss her.

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AIBU?

Friend blocked me on fB. WWYD