Narcissists actually exist?

[habbyclabby]

I'm unsure if my ex was a narcissist.
He has a lot of the traits
Do you think they really exist?
Have you ever dated one?
What were they like?
My ex (of a week ago ) used to play the victim.
He would make me doubt myself.
He started off so charming and made me feel so special then did a total u turn and made me doubt everything.
Then got mad for me asking.
Then he called me a narcissist

I’m sick of people labelling their ex a narcissist, seems like every woman thinks their ex is one

If I'm honest, I think that it's a label that's too readily bandied about these days.

If he is an ex, why does it matter?

In my experience there are various degrees of narcissism and it would take a psychologist to diagnose one.

If the type of behaviour you are experiencing doesn't make you feel good then don't waste time trying to put a label on them, just walk away.

Well NPD does exist, yes.

Someone being a dick doesn’t mean they have NPD.

Narcissists absolutely exist and unfortunately I was raised by one. Needed constant praise, flattery and attention. Expected me to manage their emotions and make them feel better about themselves. Manipulated me to turn against other family and friends, couldn't bear me to pay attention to anyone else. Refused to ever acknowledge that I had feelings/emotions of my own. Was only interested in celebrating me in public when I was reflecting well on them. Would never ever accept that they were wrong and would gaslight me all the time.

Why aren't people allowed to just be incompatible anymore? It didn't work out, doesn't mean he has a serious personality disorder, he was just not that into you.

Of course they do ,but it's a rare disorder ,but according to Mumsnet every body they don't like is a Narcissist

I agree that it is overused. True narcissists are utterly horrific.

There was lots of things about him.
Would text so many women
Spoke about how everyone wanted to sleep with him
How he deserved a better job and better women
Blamed everyone else for anything that went wrong
Had zero emotions ,never felt guilty
Made me cry and didn't bat a eyelid
Blew hot and cold
Mad me apologise when I hadn't done anything wrong etc etc etc

The disorder absolutely exists.
Not in the numbers many people here seem to think... It's something like 0.5% of pupolation. Just over half are man if I remember correctly.
Ao odds are, most "narcissists" mentioned on MN are not it, just dickheads, ir incompatible with the lartner etc.

For a relatively rare disorder, I'm always astonished by the number of people on MN who know/were raised by/dated or are/were married to narcissists.

The psychiatry profession is really missing a trick, apparently.

Played the victim
Accused me of bullying him and sending him abusive messages (I never )
Deleted text conversations to paint me as the bad person
Told people I was obsessed with him
Told me his ex was obsessed with him and would drive past his house
Told me about women fancying him etc

No I have dated a Sociopath though

He had a lot of Narc traits, but his motivation was to hurt other people not to make things better for himself

Yeah he was a Dick Op and you are better off without him still doesn't mean he has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder

www.sane.org/information-stories/the-sane-blog/mental-illness/is-narcissism-common-the-answer-may-surprise-you#:~:text=Most%2C%20if%20not%20all%2C%20of,men)%20is%20diagnosed%20with%20NPD.

This may be a helpful read.

@habbyclabby he sounds awful and certainly has some traits associated with NPD. Whether he's an actual narcissist doesn't really matter. He definitely shows a lot of abusive traits and you have escaped what would have continued to be a shit relationship. So well done!

It sounds like you're fresh out of it so naturally you'll be reflecting on what has happened, how he was, how you ended up in that situation, maybe even if you could have changed him/the relationship. You've done the right thing, stay no contact as much as you can and allow yourself to heal.

They exist. I have met two, whose behaviour exactly matched that of someone with NPD, and whilst hideous, became entirely predictable. One is a relative, one is an ex colleague. Absolute spot on narcs.

He is an ex. Move on.

There are studies that put NPD and BPD at several percent of the population each. That's enough for one cluster B personality disorder sufferer in every family (although I suspect some families take an unfairly large share of that number!)
I can't ever know if my mother has NPD as she has never been inside a psychiatrist/psychologist's office and never will, and I know that there are many people on Mumsnet that believe that if the person you have a difficult relationship with has not been diagnosed by a professional, you have no business thinking of them as someone with a personality disorder. In my opinion, if the descriptions you find online correspond to the patterns of behaviour of your partner or relative, that can provide useful insights into how they will react to things, including how they will react to you trying to establish boundaries with them in your relationship, and that can help you to keep yourself safe, so I think that is a good thing. If you're interested, the Out of the Fog website has a lot of information.

It's quite hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it. My mother did a whole lot of things that were out and out abusive, when she occasionally lost control, in the course of me living at home - but those weren't even the particularly damaging things. It was the undermining comments, the unpredictable moods, the walking on eggshells, that chipped away at my confidence and sense of self worth - and any single one of those instances would sound like nothing, like just a normal mother feeling stressed or whatever. It's the pattern of behaviour that causes the damage and that marks it out as something not quite right about the other person. So much of what my mother did was plausibly deniable and really quite odd, and it was only when I went on likes of the Out of the Fog website and read about the experiences of others describing situations and actions that were exactly the same as my mother had done that I started to cop on. I expect that there will be a lot of well meaning people who will come on to the thread now and say people just need to get along, that you shouldn't write people off on the basis of one website etc etc and I can't really be doing with the impact of that on my mental health so I'm going to hide this thread now but feel free to PM me or also check out the Stately Homes thread in Relationships if any of this chimes with you.

Narcissism exists to a small extent in all people. Narcissistic personality disorder exists in a much smaller portion of the world. I think people are unhelpful saying he is an ex get over it. Sometimes you need to unpick your feelings about what happened in the past in order to move forward. Its not easy. Im fairly certain my dp has NPD. He has all the traits and honestly if i wasnt so mentally strong he would make me a wreck. He has every single trait listed and his background is a classic checklist as well. Hes not a bad person though but is very hard work so i can see why you want to talk about your experience if you feel your ex might have had it.

DSMV certainly lists them as existing!

www.sakkyndig.com/psykologi/artvit/miller2013.pdf

I can absolutely assure you they exist, but thankfully most people never meet one.

Someone can be a narcissist without fulfilling the threshold for NPD.

Your ex was probably a narcissist but probably wasn't severe enough to be diagnosed with NPD.

That doesn't make your experiences any less horrible or valid though OP.

I think narcissistic personalities are fairly common and I guess are just what people just used to label as a dickhead.

I think there's less shame about behaving in a narcissistic way as its just an extreme version of the me me me culture. And the internet, dating websites etc make people feel like they can always do better.

@Anycrispsleft, excellent post and thank you.

NPD is a recognised disorder and it is under diagnosed because narcissists are highly unlikely to seek a diagnosis. I'm not sure why people struggle to believe this however you should count yourself very fortunate not know such people.

The cause isn't yet known but nurture and genetics appear to be significant factors. Most high conflict divorces are likely to be due to one party being narcisstic so there is a high cost to society. I am certain Science will assist with diagnosis in years to come as initial studies show that people high on the narcisstic scale have differences in their brains which is visible on scans.

A narcissist will have a complete lack of genuine empathy (they can fake empathy however) and when you witness NPD behaviour in a partner or parent you know it's on a difference scale to "not a very nice person".

Also a person with NPD will have a pattern of behaviour with ex partners or family that becomes evident over time so it is less easy to spot in younger people. The traits also tend to become more ingrained with age. Thankfully there is now greater awareness of NPD so hopefully less people will be harmed by these relationships

The vast majority of narcissists and others within the psychopathic triad are undiagnosed. There's no gain in diagnosing the vast majority who are not criminals and it would require them to seek out a diagnosis, which is very very rare.