To ask for assurance

[Glitteringwebs]

Please can some people assure me that I’m doing the right thing.

Tomorrow I’m leaving my partner of 12 years. I will be going to live with other family members. He doesn’t know.
I can no longer tolerate the emotional abuse from him. He blames me for everything, puts me down in front of the kids and just shows no respect. I’m forever walking on eggshells to avoid being put down.

We have 2 children, a daughter aged 7, and Son aged 3.
I know I am never going to be happy here and it must be damaging for the kids, but now I’m scared.
We’ve been dependent on him for everything, I feel like a silly child who is now imposing on other family members due to bad life choices. The kids won’t have as much as they do here... space, financial security. Also, despite everything he does, I’m feeling guilt. He also has done a lot for us and it makes me feel so conflicted.

Please can I have assurance that I am absolutely doing the right thing.

Just jumping on to say it you’re doing the right thing. You don’t have to put up with any abuse.
You’re not being selfish but so what if you were your entitled to leave a married for any reason.
Others will be able to give you strategies to be able to cope with him but I just wanted to say well done and stay strong.

@Glitteringwebs i felt relief immediately and the kids took about a week to settle in the new house, we were all much happier straight away really. but then we'd been waiting for years for the chance. (he's promise to change everytime i threatened/tried to leave and i always gave him "one more chance" for the sake of the kids but he never changed) funnily enough he has changed this time to a certain extent, but he wouldn't have if we'd have stayed and even though he is nicer now i still couldn't live with him as i'm sure things would creep back into old ways and id still be living on egg shells just incase... im not taking that risk.

You are not being selfish.
You are not being dramatic.
You are protecting the kids.
He will not change.

It will be hard at first, it’s a big change. You will get there.

How are you feeling this morning ?

Best of luck OP. Stay strong.

I'm feeling a bit better this morning, thank you. I realised today I was making breakfast, and I wasn't worrying about an accidental spillages, and worrying about any outbursts.

However, despite knowing I was planning on leaving, I'm finding it hard to start thinking of a plan to go forward, I feel a complete lack of energy - which is then making me feel he was right and I'm lazy. It's like my mind still doesn't want to 100% its final as it's so scary to think how I actually have to fend for myself for the first time.

I'm glad you feel a bit better this morning.

You don't need a plan for the future - you just need some time to heal and process everything you've been through. That's why you don't have much energy right now.

It will take some time for his voice to vacate your head. You don't have to listen to him anymore when he pipes up though.

Once you've given yourself time and space to recover, you'll naturally start finding more energy and headspace for day-to-day and the future.

You made breakfast without fear of being told off/abused..... that’s a shocking position to have been in, but you’ll come to see how dreadful he was, and be pleased he can’t hurt you.