my mind keeps going to the past, anyone else the same?

[coffeelover3]

I think it's cos very little is happening. My mind has started playing things from my past over and over. I'm remembering things and feeling combinations of embarrassment - from things I did/didnt' do - to regret, to nostalgia, to more regret, to not having enjoyed my life more at the time, to making "wrong" decisions, to not making decisions I should have but just coasting. Its starting to drive me a bit mad. Memories just crop up all the time, even if I'm cleaning the kitchen or washing dishes for the 100th time. I think it's cos everything is so boring at the moment, nothing happening, not meeting anyone, not seeing anyone my mind is going to places I'd rather forget. And so many dreams that leave me uneasy. Anyone else the same?

Intrusive, unwanted thoughts can be difficult to manage and feel distressing - but I dont think the answer is to keep busy. There are strategies to manage them, and you can also talk to your GP if you feel you need more support or a course of meds. They can be linked to depression.

I have done this all my life.

It's partly because there are hardly any distractions iukwim. Like going out to work, even commuting, being busy, bringing the kids to activities,e etc etc, you're busy, then tired at night, but in the lockdown the business is just not there. I can keep busy with work and housework etc, but not interacting with people, and my mind keeps going to the past

I get what you mean. I’m furloughed from work so don’t even have that as a distraction. Constantly thinking about random things from the past or day dreaming.

And I’m definitely having more vivid, strange dreams recently.

@biddybird

I have done this all my life.

Me too. I go right back almost my entire life too. Every single damn embarrassing moment will pop up. Hate it.

I hate this and feel guilty about so many things , e.g. where I haven't been 100% honest. To the extent if asked the time frame will day 12.56ish (incase the time on the clock I am reading is incorrect)

Believe it or not, it is actually a peri-menopausal symptom. It's when one of the hormone levels is low (can't remember which one).

Oops. "If asked the time I will say 12.56ish (incase the time on the clock I am reading is incorrect)".

I had this! Intrusive thoughts and ruminating. GP helped me.

Glad to hear it's not just me.

I have been having nostalgic thoughts that could almost make me cry lately. A lot about what a lovely safe childhood I had which i think is linked to not being able to see my parents due to covid and travel restrictions.
As they are in their late 70s now I get horrible intrusive thoughts of what if I never see them again (despite talking on the phone a lot and knowing they are fine).
I m also having vivid dreams of almost escaping lockdown and driving over the county border only for something to stop me, like an iron fence fell from the sky right in front of the car last time.
It's an unsettling time.

Mine is worse when I'm stressed or anxious, but it is always accompanied by me talking to myself (kind of about the memory, but it's hard to explain).

Yes. All the time. Have been like this forever.

I have always had this a bit, but so much worse this year. It's like I used to have to process everything from the past really fast because I was busy having to process new experiences too. Now that I am not having so many new experiences, I have longer to process the past so go over it more slowly. It's like I was living life at x 1.5 speed on Netflix and not I'm going through it at 0.5 speed. Before I didn't have enough time to process things, now I've got too much time. There is a happy median. I do find distraction helpful, actually. Trying to learn new things and have a more varied media consumption (books, audible, pod casts, tv, music etc.) is helping me now. I thought I needed counselling or something, but actually I needed to stop ruminating, let go of the past and make the moment more interesting!

Mine is worse when I'm stressed or anxious, but it is always accompanied by me talking to myself (kind of about the memory, but it's hard to explain).

^^ agreed I try and stop myself in my tracks. Tell myself it's gone/over self soothe. Nothing to be gained by going back to it.

Yes, that's it exactly, @alltheadrenalin!

Yes! I am in a happy relationship and I loved my pre-covid life for the last couple of years, it was full of adventure. I also feel like I’ve won the lottery by meeting my partner who is the best ever (he actually is totally brilliant!).

But for some stupid reason lately I can’t stop thinking of my ex boyfriend who broke my heart 8 years ago. Not in a way that I want to get back together with him or for my life to be how it was back then but he is on my mind. WHY. Just fuck off out of my head.

Hoping it’s just lockdown boredom and when restrictions are lifted it’ll pass.

Lockdown has been terrible for my anxiety though. I think it's going to take me a long time to recover, and a lot of other people too. Because my solution to my MH struggles was to have a interesting busy life. I'm motivated by the world, people, new experiences, and introspection is fucking horrible for me (it leads to anxiety and depression for me not self growth and understanding). I already knew myself. I didn't need extra time naval gazing and going claustrophobic with cabin. Fever

You could see if anxiety meds help, you don’t HAVE to have been like this forever. Honestly it was such a revelation to me to realise not everyone lives like this and it’s possible for me to too.

Yes, for the past few months, to the point I was considering starting a thread about how to manage it! They're like flashbacks, good and bad, with the bad ones happening when I'm trying to get to sleep ☹️ I've never been like this before, so reckon it's probably the Covid (and my job) situation that's causing me to be a bit anxious. Being peri-menopausal probably doesn't help either 🙄

Yes, I have this quite a lot including pre Covid, but yes more distractions. what’s really annoying is that my brain never circles to my successes or good times. It picks out the thinks I did (or think I did) wrong, choices I should have made differently. I have depression (usually controlled) but Covid has so altered my life.

Yup...this week it has really been bughing me. Ive been going theiugh all the bad things that ever happened to me. You are not alone. I blame lockdown even though im still busy. Im also not drinking and i think drink used to take the edge of things...i need a detox though so will have to ride it out.

I've just been on a long day dream about my past just before I came on mumsnet for a distraction. I'm so nostalgic for certain times in my life if I could wake up tomorrow and it be 2002 I totally would. Oh to go back and not make the same awful mistakes. Im also watching older sitcoms from the early noughties to remind me of a non covid non climate change non utter doom laiden time. Also a time when clothes weren't as bizarre. Like Green Wing or The Office or The Book Group or anything from that time. Or As If?! Anyone remember that show?! Or Coupling? Ahhh.... Anyway yes. You are not alone. I think it's just there is so little to be happy about right now, your mind longs for a safer time. That's what I think anyway!

@Snakeplisskensmum

Believe it or not, it is actually a peri-menopausal symptom. It's when one of the hormone levels is low (can't remember which one).

Any idea if there is any remedy for this Snake? I've been driving myself and DH insane with this raking up the past for the last few months.... wasn't sure if it was due to lockdown or peri-menopause. Looks like I'm having a double whammy!

Yes, and I'm definitely struggling with it a lot more recently.

Everyone is different, but for me loneliness and nerves about certain projects (particularly when I'm procrastinating working on them...) sets me off -- and I often think back to times when I was really lonely but surrounded by people or when I had projects go wrong think on what it would be like if things had been better then (possibly because it's such a struggle to so anything about it now). One of the big tips for getting out of rumination is to shift to thinking on the best choices in those situations, but right now I'm feeling out of options and isolated.

Other tips that usually help are:

• distractions - particularly physical distractions like workouts with instructions to listen to or mental ones where you get really absorbed in something. Just long enough to shift your thinking to give you space to come back to normal.
• find a way to focus on others as these ruminations and cringe memories are very me-focused so shifting the focus of our thoughts can help
• This page in thinking about the past has a few things, particularly asking what you're getting out of them or how to prevent them happening again.

-- This one on moving past regrets, the remark on how people overestimate how much better things would be if the past were different really clicked for me. -- trying out different ways to ground yourself in the present. I find talking and working on stuff with others and touch works well for me.