Is this normal or am I just being mean ?

[Crackinglife]

Partner is 35 years old, he constantly obsessed with football, pre covid he would play twice a week if not 3 times and go for a run once a week, constantly watching it if it's on, always checking the football scores daily on his phone, his friend must text him 100 times a day about fifa or football! If we are in the garden with dd he will constantly kick her footballs, he will watch the game then watch motd in the evening, his watching motd now and I'm not sure if I'm being mean or if it's too much

YABU. It’s normal to have a hobby you are passionate about.

It seems to be normal and to be allowed, so I suggest you get a hobby that mirrors his, and make sure you leave him with his child four times a week when we’re out of lockdown 😉

For my ex it was completely normal, football was his first love above all else. For DP it would be his worst nightmare (thank goodness).

So who's looking after his daughter whilst he's out 5 nights a week?

We have did together so me

Me having Dd whilst he's out doesn't bother me it's nice to play with her without him taking over, ( he's abit of a he does it better than anyone else ) it's the constant football on the tv especially when we go to bed at night ! Motd comes on !

Sounds normal, as long as he isn’t neglecting family duties.
I’m watching the game now and I’ll watch motd tonight too.

I would never have gone anywhere near him.

But you have a child so let’s make lemonade out of those lemons. Encourage your DD to be mad into to football too, encourage him to play football, watch football, love football with her. Result= You get lots of free time to yourself while daddy enjoys his hobby with his footy loving child.

IMO he should watch the football downstairs. The bedroom is your sanctuary too and should be a football free zone. It must make you stressful which is not conducive to sleep.

I suppose the extent of the obsession matters if it tips over into meaning that he doesn't spend enough time with his daughter or quality time with you, his partner.

This is exactly the same as my DP. It drives me mad.. however I have no advice.. I justify it by thinking at least it’s a positive hobby (a sport) and not drugs, other women etc.
It’s the same with fishing here too.. they are both complete obsessions although football definitely tips the scales..

I feel it does affect family time like for example he will watch the football now, be on the phone texting his friend about it then go for his run later then when it comes to going to bed he will put motd on in bed ! It's a complete bore to be honest, he's gone out to football when dd was so Unwell I nearly had an ambulance out to her ! He went to football 3 days after my operation I think I resent football majorly !

I don’t think it’s football per se that’s the problem, it’s the fact that he’s spending so much time on his ‘hobby’. It could be any hobby. It’s up to you as to whether you think it’s fair.
And no TV in the bedroom, get rid of it. Bedroom is for sleep and sex only 😉

That would be too much for me, but I don’t think you can do much now you’re settled down with DC. I couldn’t be with someone who took a game/hobby as seriously as some football fans do. Especially the ones who get angry about it.

It’s a problem if he isn’t doing his share at home yes. Don’t take any nonsense from him on that score.

That would be a problem for me. Does he need to grow up?

I would never have gone anywhere near him.

This ^^ Not helpful now but if someone is football obsessed it affects your life.

It might be normal to some people, but it isn't exactly desirable behaviour in a grown-up with a partner and dc to consider, is it?

I have managed to sidestep this kind of slackjawed obsessiveness by asking immediately whether the guy likes football, plays and/or supports a team. If they do, I pass. I can really do without someone whose idea of conversation is how he doesn’t rate the new transfer and who owns Man Utd boxer shorts.

At least the extreme marathons guy had the odd amusing anecdote about setting his sled on fire in Nunavut.

There's a difference between a hobby/fan and being obsessed.

My DH will say "there's a match on at 8, so if I do bath time, do you mind doing bedtime?" (If it's his turn) and he'll watch motd downstairs if I'm going to bed.
If I'm watching something I'm interested in, he might go play fifa, but he wouldn't do it do get out of parenting his child.
He has missed going to matches (pre covid) specifically once when we did a charity walk in memory of my DM and once when DD was a few days old. I told him it was fine to go, but he chose not to (and he has a season ticket)
And he used to play one evening a week

I wouldn't be happy if it was 5 nights a week, when is your "night off?" Being out 5 nights a week is fine, pre children, but not when there's a child to look after

It's not 5 nights a week now but at one point it was pre covid now it would be 3 maybe 4 if he went to a match I feel like it's dd and football and then me sometimes, a lot of stuff is what he wants it I'm honest

Not normal here either. We either watch something we both want to watch or if one of us is doing a hobby, the other will say “do you mind this as background noise whilst you’re doing that” If we’re both desperate to watch something different, one of us will watch it in the kids playroom.

I don't think it matters if it's normal or not. I think it's matters whether your happy and your needs are being fulfilled.

I know women who want men 'out of their hair' so enjoy how much time they spend on football. If you don't then that's ok too.

You need to work together on a compromise you are both alright with.

I worked in an office with 12 people. 2 of the men were football bores and every single lunchtime they dominated the lunchroom with mind numbing talk about football and transfers and bets and playing videos loudly on their phones of football stuff. Everyone else was subjected to this shit during their downtime. Now I’m sure every single one of us had a hobby we could wax lyrical about if we chose but somehow it was alway football creating all the noise at lunchtime. Funny that.

Ask him to watch it downstairs and he can come up after? My DH is football mad, only for his team though, I've just embraced it and got on board

@Crackinglife

It's not 5 nights a week now but at one point it was pre covid now it would be 3 maybe 4 if he went to a match I feel like it's dd and football and then me sometimes, a lot of stuff is what he wants it I'm honest

"a lot of stuff is what he wants"

This is where you start to get into dangerous waters. It's fine for you at the moment because you want to spend time with DD, but what about in 5 years' time when you want to do your own thing and he throws a fit because he "always goes out in the evening, and you know that. And it hasn't been a problem for the last 5 years, so why are you making such a fuss about it now?"

OP, what you want is just as important as what he wants, and it's important to remind him of that sometimes. So, no - he doesn't get to claim every evening for his hobby. You get at least 2 of them for yours, and 1 of them is family time. If he wants to fill the other two with football he can crack on.