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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this normal or am I just being mean ?

49 replies

Crackinglife · 24/01/2021 12:18

Partner is 35 years old, he constantly obsessed with football, pre covid he would play twice a week if not 3 times and go for a run once a week, constantly watching it if it's on, always checking the football scores daily on his phone, his friend must text him 100 times a day about fifa or football! If we are in the garden with dd he will constantly kick her footballs, he will watch the game then watch motd in the evening, his watching motd now and I'm not sure if I'm being mean or if it's too much

OP posts:

pandarific · 24/01/2021 13:22

I would absolutely hate this and it's not at all normal to me or to anyone I know, but then I'm not at all sport orientated and neither are my friends.

If it's too much for you op and affecting your family negatively then it's fine to speak to him about reigning it in.

Original poster

Crackinglife · 24/01/2021 13:24

I have, I've asked him to stop watching it so much and give us some time ( things haven't been great between us ) but instead of showing me I matter and that football is just a hobby he'd rather sit and watch it !

OP posts:

CakeRequired · 24/01/2021 13:26

Being blunt, but if you hate it so much, why did you have a kid with him? Why have you been together with him for so long? It's not like he just started this obsession, he's clearly been obsessed for years, so you've known for years. You can't just switch that off now.

He is too obsessed but you should have mentioned this ages ago, not now. Now is too late, you're stuck with that. Even if you split up with him, contact with his daughter will revolve around football games and his practice etc.

Got nothing to suggest to be honest other than try talking to him. See if you can get him to cut back a bit on the obsession but you'll only manage that by talking to him, not us. I doubt he will though but worth a shot.

DinosaurDiana · 24/01/2021 13:26

@Crackinglife

Then personally I’d pack his bag and tell him that he can watch TV as much as he wants at his own flat. And that he will be having his child 50% of the time 😉

CoronaIsWatching · 24/01/2021 13:28

I wouldn't like it, it's fine to have a hobby to be passionate about but football just isn't very interesting. Is there anything grimmer than spending a grey Sunday inert on the sofa watching football on the box, can of lager in hand? Does he have any other hobbies?

RefuseTheLies · 24/01/2021 13:28

My dad was football obsessed. It was constantly on the tv, or he was playing matches, then later in life, he became a coach / manager and used to referee now and again. I deliberately married someone who couldn't give two hoots about football.

Notimeforaname · 24/01/2021 13:33

This is my dad.
My hole childhood and even now,in his 60s,it was all about football. All he talked about,all he watched,all he did.

Think he slightly resented the fact he'd only had girls and tried very hard to push us into liking and supporting football and his team.

He never once tried to get involved or even ask about my hobbies growing up..if it wasn't football he didn't care.
Years ago we had an argument and I said to him
'I dont feel we've ever had a deep relationship '' and you know what he said?
''Well I mean,I did everything I could and tried for years to get you into football,if we dont have a relationship its certainly not my fault''

Notimeforaname · 24/01/2021 13:34

Even now, every day he watches football when hes not in work in the living room..mum is upstairs in her room. Football rules all.

RedskyBynight · 24/01/2021 13:37

How old is DD? Once restrictions allow, maybe he can enrol her in a local football club, volunteer as a coach and do all the standing on sidelines in the cold duty whilst you have lots of time to yourself at home :)

Original poster

Crackinglife · 24/01/2021 13:37

Awful!! He says to me you can turn this over but can tell he wants it on otherwise he wouldn't put it on! He knows how I feel about it x

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 24/01/2021 13:37

Whole life *

ComDummings · 24/01/2021 13:37

That would drive me crazy. I’m so glad my DH doesn’t love his hobbies to this extent. I have a few friends who love football but even they aren’t this extreme like your DH. I’m not sure what the solution is though.

countesskay · 24/01/2021 13:42

My ex husband was football mad, it ruined so many weekends (pre football on phones) had to watch the game couldn't do xyz.

I later dated a man who participated in a sport that took him away most weekends for competitions (we both work weekdays) great for him, not for me!

I'm single now, but actively avoid men's profiles who play or obessed about a sport!

OP - better to have a open chat, he needs to compromise somewhere he's got a family now

arethereanyleftatall · 24/01/2021 13:47

I would argue the opposite with the amount he actually plays/runs - exercise only 3 times per week isn't enough in my opinion. For you both.

But. The amount of time he spends watching it. This is a hobby which is a complete waste of time. So, golden rule...

Equal leisure time outside of working/commenting/childcare hours.

No one can argue with that.

If he spends 2 hours watching football on a Saturday, you get 2 hours doing whatever you want. Etc etc

If he has a problem with that, get him to articulate why.

EileenGC · 24/01/2021 13:48

It's good to have a hobby.
It's also good to respect your partner's hobbies or lack of enthusiasm for your own.

My dad is a huge football fan, my mum can't stand it. He got me and my siblings into football from a young age and if he'd had a smartphone back in the day, I bet he would've been checking scores all day too.

My dad understood that his family also needed him so there were many times when we did other things that weren't football. Saturday night we watched the game and Sunday early morning he'd go play football with his mates and around 11-12 we'd start watching what we'd missed the night before, and the F1 race. Sunday 4pm TV would get turned off and everyone went for a walk, or visiting friends or to the beach or whatever. Friday night was no-TV-night in our house, and my dad would get involved in other activities with us.

My mum wouldn't entertain the idea of football on the TV all day every day. During the week the TV was used for the news, films and other programmes. My dad was welcome to watch the sports news, that's how much football he'd get during the week unless there was an important game that we all had to watch

I love sports and I can get quite obsessed with it at certain times of the year. However, there needs to be a balance between that and respecting the fact that my partner might not like it as much, and maybe sometimes they'd like to watch something else on TV.

Original poster

Crackinglife · 24/01/2021 13:55

I get having a hobby and exercise is important but pre covid he would go to work then go straight to a match after so me and dd didn't see him that day ! It defo comes first

OP posts:

Conkergame · 24/01/2021 14:19

OP my ex was like this. It drove me mad - so I dumped him. Why on earth did you marry him and have a kid with him knowing he was like this?!

Anyway, too late for that now. I think you should sit him down for a serious chat one evening when DD is in bed and make it clear how much it’s upsetting you and how it’s not on to miss so much family time in the evenings. Going forward, he gets two evenings off, you get two evenings off and one evening you all spend together. If he refuses, you need to re-think your future with him. Do you really want to be playing second-fiddle to a hobby for the rest of your life? You deserve so much better!

Concestor · 24/01/2021 15:44

I would hate this. I couldn't be with someone so obsessed with sport and I don't think it's normal. It sounds excessive.

CanofCant · 24/01/2021 16:00

YANBU at all. He is a selfish dick.

TuftyBum · 24/01/2021 16:13

Being blunt, but if you hate it so much, why did you have a kid with him?

This ^^ Surely you knew this wasn't going away?

I always said a man that immediately opened the paper at the sports section wasn't for me

alliejay81 · 24/01/2021 16:26

@Crackinglife

Awful!! He says to me you can turn this over but can tell he wants it on otherwise he wouldn't put it on! He knows how I feel about it x

If he says you can turn it over then turn it over. Otherwise you're just making your own life worse.

I'm married to a football enthusiast and to be honest your problems seem to be larger than football. You need to come to a mutual agreement about what you want family life to look like.

ChippyChickenChips · 24/01/2021 16:41

I couldn't live with someone this obsessed, particularly by football, which I detest. Just hearing it on television rattles my nerves. DH is a rugby fan, but not to this extent. I don't mind him watching it at all, but then it's an occasional thing. Sometimes he'll record it and watch it while I'm busy somewhere else. No way would it be on in the bedroom. That's incredibly selfish of him OP. He needs an ultimatum.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/01/2021 16:44

What was was he like pre baby?

billy1966 · 24/01/2021 18:14

He sounds very selfish and boring.

3/4/5 nights a week on a sport for hours at a time???

Very selfish.

Tot up the hours involved and talk to him.

For goodness sake don't have another child with him.

His commitment to football is far greater that to his relationship or family.

Don't be surprised if the relationship fails when you realise you deserve more...

Sounds like you are on the way already.

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