How to CIO when she doesn't cry

[Hustssleeping]

DD 14months wakes for 2 to 3 hours every night. I'm at my wits end. I'd never thought I'd try CIO but while I'd do anything now shes just happy shouting for that time. Not upset just happy yelling and keeping us awake. Its taken work but she goes to sleep fine. She naps fine.
I feel ill all the time. I can't concentrate and my nerves are frayed with other DD.

This is quite common and it's often a timing/schedule problem.

helpbabysleep.co.uk/split-night-problems-why-they-happen-leading-to-some-babies-being-awake-for-hours-and-what-to-do/

Basically it sounds counterintuitive but you need to move towards wake her at a normal hour in the morning rather than either a) letting her sleep in to "make up" for the hours awake as it becomes an ever perpetuating cycle or b) putting her to bed excessively early to make up sleep

Thanks
She goes to bed at 630ish. And we're all up for home schooling and work between 7 and 8. Should I be waking her earlier?

She used to go to bed at 730 but HV said that was too late.

They all need different things. Neither of mine went to bed until 8 or they were up half the night and too early. Although we went through a waking phase with one of them. Would just play for 2 hours in the night. It wasn't scheduling for us it just passed after a couple of weeks. Development phase. If it doesn't pass then it will be scheduling. How many naps are you doing and for hiw ling? Think that was the age we dropped a nap

I would try waking her up about 12 hours after she went to bed and making sure she doesn't nap too long (DD would sleep for about 2 hrs after an early lunch at that age. Lunch at about 11:30, sleep 12-2).

Our 2nd child did this.

We’ve used exactly the same bedtime routine / nap schedule for our 3 children and only encountered this with one so I’m not sure I agree with the above.

However, I do think 6:30 is a very early bedtime not really compatible with family life. Ours were usually in bed by 7:30. Current toddler (2.5) is now asleep by 8 as this allows her to have a family dinner and see us before bedtime. She sleeps until 6:45 on the dot and naps maybe 3/4 days out of 7.

I tried lots of things with ours including dropping nap (nightmare), getting her up early and moving bedtime. Nothing worked. She grew out of it within 3 or 4 months but those months were very hard. It was the one thing that most put me off having another child!

Provided you aren’t allowing crazy amounts of sleep during the day (i’d curtail nap at 2 hrs and make sure she’s up by 3pm since you have an early bedtime) and if you aren’t having to go in to her then my advice would be to take turns sleeping in a further away room / wearing earplugs. Don’t go into the room unless she’s crying. If she’s crying give her a cuddle, check nappy, offer a sip of water then lay her back down and leave. Very minimal input - no reward for being awake. Like you I would have allowed crying at this age, but ours didn’t cry either - just shouted! Go to bed early. Nap during the day if you can and wait for it to pass which it very likely will do. Might be worth trying a gro clock. We’ve used them successfully from 2 onwards - 14 months is probably too young but worth a go. Good luck - I have so much sympathy for you.

Oh... and apparently I did this too at the same age. My parents used to take turns getting up and taking me into the bathroom (only carpeted room with an electric heater) where I would play happily for two hours before they put me back to bed. They said it was exhausting!

Sorry - lots of posts while I was composing my epic one. The thing I didn’t necessarily agree with is it being a scheduling issue. In our case I think it was just developmental.

6;30 is an early bedtime! Your health visitor is there to offer support and guidance, but you don’t have to take her advice if its not working for you. I would try gently moving back her bedtime by around 10 minutes each night, until you get to around 7;30 or so. This might help reset her sleep cycle.

Yep I think you are effectively enabling the night time waking by letting her go 13 hours between bed and wake up. I’d aim for 7pm bed and 6.30-7 awake every day. She is able to mess about during the night as her body knows she gets what is effectively a lay in for a baby in the morning!

So yes, wake her earlier. The first few times she will be tired as she has been awake in the night. But it might then force her body to sleep through!

I’m not in the U.K. and I’m not a mum! But I know my DSD from age just turned one. My DSD at that age went to bed around 8/8:30pm, woke up around 7ish I think and the rest of her sleep was a big siesta. (She always needed the max sleep recommended in the range for her age and only dropped her siesta fully at 5, which seems entirely normal here.) When young she always woke up briefly once or twice a night but just seemed to need a quick reassurance visit from her dad.
I tell you all this to explain your health visitor doesn’t know it all. And there’s no one answer given that different counties do different things. You could maybe consider making bedtime a little later.

Mines a little older, but did this when he was getting too much day sleep. He now naps either for an hour or not at all, and has a bedtime of 7. Up at 630. One or no wake-ups during the night. Nap has to end before 1, preferably 11-12.

I don't think 7.30 is too late, and it clearly isn't too late if your daughter is wide awake for hours in the middle of the night!

If she's happy in the cot and can't get out and will go back to sleep could you just turn off the baby monitor?

Also 7:30 being a late bedtime

Never heard that one before!

Another one who thinks 6.30 is an early bed time. The earliest we ever did was 7.30. It's also a bit of a myth that babies/toddlers should be sleeping for 12 hours a night; mine only ever did 10 hours.

Your HV sounds like an idiot. If 7:30 worked better for your family go back to it. 6:30 is very early!

Have DD who is 18months, shes a total ball of energy and is out cold every night between 6 and 6.30pm. We cannot keep her awake as she just crys n moans and asks for her milk and will start saying night night so personally for me I don't think 6.30 is too early depending on the toddler.

When she used to wake in her cot, we would just go into her room, lie her down, not interact with her at all and put white noise on. She soon got the hint and now sleeps thru till 6am

I feel your pain!!! My DD was like this from being a very young baby. I have found in her case that this is about her not being tired enough. This is what’s worked for me.

If you calculate how much total sleep DD gets overnight (this might be around 11 hours if she’s awake for 2 hours?) then I’d start waking her after she’s been in her cot for 11 or 11.5 hours, even if she’s been up in the night. She’s spending 13.5 hours in the cot - it’s unlikely she’ll sleep that long, so it’s not surprising she’s awake for some of that time. The point of waking her is to stop the self perpetuating cycle of her waking and then making up for it in what is actually the daytime (7-8am).

I’d also look at her naps. My DD doesn’t need as much day sleep as all the books say, and when she started to sleep through she also went from napping loads in the day (up to 3 hours) to napping a lot less (around 1h40). In total she seems to be awake for around 11 hours in 24 and asleep for around 13 in 24. So I time bedtime around that.

It’s not foolproof but if I keep her naps short and don’t put her to bed too early I very rarely get any wake ups at all, and certainly not for 2 hours.

As for whether 6:30 is too early / 7:30 too late for bedtime, it will of course depend on your family life. We had our children (x2) close together so putting the baby or toddler to bed at 6:30 was fine as we weren't running older children to Cubs / football etc.
Our toddlers were exhausted by 6 and there's no way we'd have been able to keep them up until 7:30 (DD was still going to slee at 7 for a couple of years after she started school!). But they woke at 6:30am which suited us as it meant we could have breakfast as a family before DH went to work.
If you're all at home at the moment and wanting to wake at 7-8, then shift the bedtime to 7:30pm to suit.

At that age we started bedtime at 7 (usually asleep by 8). Maybe try waking her up at 7 if you can get up that early. Hope you manage to get a good night sleep soon

I'd say bedtime is too early. She needs 11 to 14 hours total sleep at that age, so a 7:30pm bedtime, 7:30am wake up is fine with a nap, she might even need less than that, it depends on the child.

@Hustssleeping

She used to go to bed at 730 but HV said that was too late.

That’s ridiculous each baby is different. Mine goes down at 9.30 ( which is too late) but I don’t get her up til 8 the next morning and if I get her up earlier I encourage a long nap ( like 2 hours) during the day. She will have a 1 hour nap anyway.

7.30 bedtime, up at 7am
One nap after lunch no more than 2 hours and have her up by 3 at the absolute latest.