Blast from the past causing distress

[Givestwofigs]

I have a situation where someone wronged my family, about 10 years ago. A childminder was not looking after my son properly but when I complained to Ofsted UK, nothing was done about it. In fact she tried to threaten me with legal action for not paying the rest of the month when I took my son out her care, but I wrote a letter to the legal team and never heard anything again. I had a hectic life and so left it there (single mum, 3 young children studying fu-time, no family support). Years later brings us to today, where I saw her on a local neighbourhood social media site, seeing that she had moved in to my area. I left a comment to say that I was upset to see she had moved to my area and that she should be ashamed of the way she behaved back then. People rushed to her defence, said I was really mean and that they will be calling the police. I feel so hurt that she got away with it then, and even now people want to defend her, knowing nothing of the situation.

Was I wrong to say something online? Should I just have forgiven and moved on? I reacted in the moment but everything I said was true. It's so painful to know she has gotten away with this, refuses to even apologise and yet people accuse me of being mean. I have nothing to gain.

It's a bit fishwifey to start having a go on social media.

These local social media groups tend to attract the most batshit people.

Anyone who thinks that AIBU is brutal should join their local FB paige, AIBU is like a picnic in comparison.

I was on my local one for a couple of months but OMG, some of the stuff that was posted there, the arguments that followed, the personal insults that were thrown around had to be seen to be believed. I left.

OP it sounds as if you love the drama. So the CM (allegedly) left your child in a dirty nappy, really it’s your word against her’s and if Ofsted didn’t uphold the complaint you’re scating on very thin ice legaly.

Moreover, if it can be proved that people have failed to use her based on your own rant on facebook she will be able to sue you for defamation, and if she can prove a financial loss, she will likely win.

It was 10 years ago. if it happened then it was bad but you removed the child and stopped paying the fees, and the child likely hasn’t been scarred for life. Grow up and stop mouthing off on social media, or you’ll have a lot more than the locals to contend with.

She was unreasonable to not change your babies nappy all day but YABU to have publicly shamed her on an open Facebook post over something that happened a decade ago. Very chavvy and I’m glad people stood up for her.

Bloody hell, I can see why you're still so angry about what happened - her treatment of your son was disgusting. Unfortunately, nothing will be gained by posting on SM (unless leaving a review of her business) and unsrwad you'll look like you've got an axe to grind.

Obviously for and tagged your son isn't ok, but you're actions just paint you out as someone who's vindictive.

How big is your community? Post lock down how likely are you to see each other again? How likely are people to remember it was you going online slagging off this "poor woman" who's new to the area?

Please ignore all the quite clearly non-solicitors making up what defamation is and what the prospects of success are. You’re fine in that regard, I can assure you.

YABU commenting she should be ashamed it’s shitty behaviour but it’s been 10 years. Let it go.

I thought you meant they'd dunned you out of the £1m inheritance at the very least!
But yes - it was really stupid thing to go dragging it up now. 'Gotten away with it?' What do you think should happen to her? Hanged, drawn and quartered - or ostracised throughout the neighbourhood for a few dirty nappies in her past life!
You don't have to like the woman or have anything to do with her - but your life sounds very small if you're still harping on about this 10 years later.

I have a just turned 1 year old and a 5 year old and have used full time childcare in both cases from age of 6 months so I understand what using childcare involves and I am in that life phase right now.

Speaking from that position I don’t think I would do such a thing as you OP even right now. Trying to imagine this- I can imagine OFSTED complaints, rage and much else but randomly commenting on her social media post?! That too 10 years later? About where she chooses to live?

I say this as a mum of very young children including a baby - who uses full time childcare - I don’t think the incident and the reaction are at all proportionate

Delete your comments, block her on FB and move on. Life is too short to look like you're the local nutjob over something like this.

It was 10 years ago OP! Obviously she should have been changing your son, but to be holding on to so much anger about it 10 years later is really not healthy.

Op
In your earlier life 10 years ago, did you ever make any mistakes?

I know I made mistakes at various times, I reflected on them, learnt from them, never repeated them and moved forwards more positively.

I would be pretty upset to think that anyone might be judging me for my mistakes 10 years later though.

I think the blast from the past causing distress is you. Sorry OP, it was the wrong thing to do.