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Original poster

Prenup

35 replies

babyno2pending · 23/01/2021 22:17

My partner and I were only together a couple months before I fell pregnant and we decided to keep the baby who is now 8 months and we're very happy. We have no2 on the way and although the ride has been rough we both agree we want marriage and to be together for life. His grandparents will most likely be leaving us around 100k in their will which will go into

buying our first house. His mother suggested that when we get married (planning to in around 2 years) he should get a prenup that says I would not get half of that or anything else gifted by his family.
I'm unemployed right now due to the pandemic (I had a job when I became pregnant) and obviously with the next one coming now I will be unemployed for quite a bit longer. We decided a while back that I should stay home with them until at least school age to really get a bond with them and just make our family life a lot easier and happier.
Am I being unfair to feel that we shouldn't get a prenup and if we ever did divorce I should be entitled to half of everything seeing as though I have sacrificed a career and the chance to earn money to do full time childcare? Would I be stupid to be a SAHM and not earn my own money? I'm only 23 and have no clue how this all works. It could be that this is incredibly fair and the norm I just don't know?

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 23/01/2021 22:20

I thought prenups in the uk were usually superfluous as the marriage contract says the opposite.

Original poster
babyno2pending · 23/01/2021 22:26

Oh really? Well that's good news!

OP posts:
ikeptgoing · 23/01/2021 22:26

How about you talk to a solicitor rather than MNs
We can't give you legal advice

But in terms of what his family want, that's not unreasonable and the family don't realise that once you marry regardless or prenup -in the U.K. it's al about the children in financial settlements if you later separate & divorce

So go to a solicitor and get proper advice
Abs if you are going to marry then do that

Prenups don't trounce financial responsibility to support you and baby nor cms once you are married

Thewithesarehere · 23/01/2021 22:26

There are plenty of jobs around despite this pandemic and, at 23, you sound like you are giving up already. I am with his mother on this one. The circumstances of your pregnancy aren’t very encouraging either. What career are you giving up on?

Cocomarine · 23/01/2021 22:33

You sound foolish, and actually a potential gold digger here.

You want half of £100K at least, for sacrificing a career that you haven’t even sacrificed yet?! That’s both foolish of you - the career bit and the potential gold digger big.

You have an accidental pregnancy and then a “rough ride” already and well under 2 years together you’ve decided to have another baby? With no money behind you personally and no job.

I would advise my son not to marry, and to make sure the £100K was legally protected in any house you lived in together.

And I would advise my daughter not to stop earning completely for what - 7 years until they’re both in school? And then who’s going to be trying to fit a job around school and therefore less likely to be well paid?

Original poster
babyno2pending · 23/01/2021 22:35

@ikeptgoing thank you I'm just after the very basics so that's very helpful x
@m0therofdragons what do you mean the circumstances of my pregnancy? It takes 2 to tango! Also she wants to me to be a SAHM she thinks it will benefit the children

OP posts:
funksoulmother · 23/01/2021 22:36

His grandparents will most likely be leaving us around 100k in their will which will go into
buying our first house.

Suggests the money is to be left for both of you.
Are the grandparents still alive? So you are not in a position to even purchase a house yet / they are not your marital assets... as not married and to be left in a will.
What if the grandparents outlive your relationship or is it likely that they will pass soon? (Seems like everyone is thinking divorce may be on the cards)

What is your partners view? And why is his mother getting so involved when you are not planning to marry for another two years anyway? Confused

Cocomarine · 23/01/2021 22:36

@babyno2pending

Oh really? Well that's good news!
This is really distasteful. This is what makes you sound like a potential gold digger, your glee at getting your hands on the money.

Little warning for you... correctly made pre-nups are not legally enforceable in cast iron way. But case law has shown that they are increasingly accepted by judges as good indicators of the parties that made them. So don’t rub your hands too soon 🙄

CoRhona · 23/01/2021 22:37

If I were him, and having been with you for under a year, I would buy a house in my name for now and not marry you until further down the road.

If you were with my son that is absolutely what I would be advising him.

Original poster
babyno2pending · 23/01/2021 22:38

@Cocomarine oh well thank you how delightful, although I didn't ask for a judgement on my life choices. She wants us to marry ASAP and is contributing a lot because guess what, she wants her son to be happy and married to the woman he loves and mother of his child!! Crazy. By rough ride I meant covid and financial problems I should've been more clear

OP posts:
SD1978 · 23/01/2021 22:39

I don't blame his family, as I wouldn't blame yours, for wanting to protect money that has been gifted to one or other of you. Hopefully his family can get some decent advice regarding ring fencing and tenants in common as a prenup as others have said would not hold up

ooohbriefcase · 23/01/2021 22:39

@babyno2pending

Oh really? Well that's good news!
That doesn't come across well. Hmm
Original poster
babyno2pending · 23/01/2021 22:39

I didn't even think about coming across as a gold digger😬 all I'm concerned with is supporting my children should the worst happen. I meant it was good news because it avoids a lot of faff and makes this whole thread null really

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 23/01/2021 22:40

Lol at the thought that you'd ruin your entire life on the off-chance you might end up with £50K.

Thewithesarehere · 23/01/2021 22:40

But in your OP, you said “we decided”.
You are not giving up on any career at all. In fact, you don’t have a career at the moment and there won’t be anything to go back to after ~7 years.
It aso looks like your marriage is about two years away. By then, you will have two children, no career, no job, no savings and you will be dependant on someone else. So IF that marriage happens, you will have lost loads already.

Nicknacky · 23/01/2021 22:41

I’m kinda lost for words at this. If nothing else, the grandparents could live for years however you are counting on it helping to buy your first home?

It’s been your choice to have a second child so quickly with absolutely no financial back up. If I were you I would be getting a career behind me as soon as I was able to.

funksoulmother · 23/01/2021 22:41

“I'm just after the very basics“

This is also confusing. The very basics being? A house?

Ginfordinner · 23/01/2021 22:41

[quote babyno2pending]@ikeptgoing thank you I'm just after the very basics so that's very helpful x
@m0therofdragons what do you mean the circumstances of my pregnancy? It takes 2 to tango! Also she wants to me to be a SAHM she thinks it will benefit the children [/quote]
If the first wasn't planned why didn't you then start using contraception?

Cocomarine · 23/01/2021 22:42

🤷🏻‍♀️ Even if you haven’t had a rough ride in the sense of relationship issues, I think that choosing to get pregnant for the second in a relationship well under 2 years old is foolish - on both your parts.

Just because his mum is encouraging marriage doesn’t mean it’s a sensible.

Original poster
babyno2pending · 23/01/2021 22:43

Okay I shall be leaving this thread now as I'm getting abuse and only really wanted basic info. Thanks to all who gave it

OP posts:
Thewithesarehere · 23/01/2021 22:44

@babyno2pending

Okay I shall be leaving this thread now as I'm getting abuse and only really wanted basic info. Thanks to all who gave it
Yup. You definitely don’t come across very well. Hmm His mum is spot on.
Original poster
babyno2pending · 23/01/2021 22:44

@funksoulmother the very basics of information!! 😂😂 fuck me will not be using this platform again

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 23/01/2021 22:45

You have been given no abuse. People have said you sound like a gold digger, which doesn’t sound that far from the truth.

Cocomarine · 23/01/2021 22:45

Well that’s your basic info before you go:

  • don’t rely on a prenup not being enforced
  • don’t be an utter fool by not working at all from the ages of 23-30 🤷🏻‍♀️
MarthasGinYard · 23/01/2021 22:45

Blimey

I can see why his DM is keen for him to ring fence....

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