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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What is Black at heart or White at heart? Can someone be Asian at heart too? Scottish at heart as well?

44 replies

OrIsTheWorldNuts · 23/01/2021 13:52

If so, what does this mean? What makes you 'something'/a race or a nationality/an ethnicity at heart?

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OrIsTheWorldNuts · 23/01/2021 17:16

Alright to be clear, example: If a white person accuses another white person who doesn't have certain "white values" (whatever that is) or same opinions about certain things of not being white-at-heart . And a black person doing the same thing.

(Apparently, it's a terrible thing to not be 'your race-at-heart').

The latter, identifying as a skin colour "at heart" seems worse to me, as it suggests that everyone with a particular skin colour is united by some "feeling", when in fact you can't reduce everyone in the world with that skin colour to a particular culture or "feeling".

Bingo! My thoughts exactly! But I want to know if it's wrong because I don't get it. If wrong, I want to understand why.

I've seen it said in different places online (Would rather not say what brought it up now as it would be a TAAT. I'm having this as an inspired conversation).

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RickiTarr · 23/01/2021 17:28

So it’s just the same as the old insult “coconut” and other stupidity then?

Recently there have been cases of gay men being told they aren’t gay and Asian people being told they aren’t Asian (loads of examples, just thinking of the recent ones I’ve read) because they don’t share the prescribed woke belief systems of whoever is doling out the stupid remarks.

It’s not new, it’s just that the new age of woke has repopularised it. Best ignored where possible.

OrIsTheWorldNuts · 23/01/2021 17:30

See also a white person who says they're black because they feel black or are black-at-heart and a black person who does the same about feeling white/white=at=heart.

What does it mean to feel a race?

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OrIsTheWorldNuts · 23/01/2021 17:31

sorry accidentally press = instead of -

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RickiTarr · 23/01/2021 17:31

Well I can see that you might “feel” a certain culture, as distinct from race.

OrIsTheWorldNuts · 23/01/2021 17:32

*pressed. Jeez!

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OrIsTheWorldNuts · 23/01/2021 17:34

So it’s just the same as the old insult “coconut” and other stupidity then?

Yes, I was thinking this now. And "Oreos".

These ones are everywhere.

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OrIsTheWorldNuts · 23/01/2021 17:49

@RickiTarr Interesting what you say about Asian people being told they're not Asian and Gay people being told this too. Really weird to me for people to say that.

Have seen many people insult others of the same race/nationality but only ever seen people use 'not x-at heart' when it comes to race. It seems to convey the greatest form of race betrayal or race disloyalty (and apparently nationality and sexuality betrayal/disloyalty too).

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Butchyrestingface · 23/01/2021 18:09

I'm more used to people claiming to have "deaf hearts" at work. Grin

Nothing surprises me any more.

RickiTarr · 23/01/2021 18:34

Deaf hearts? Is that what I’m guessing it is? Confused

OhWhyNot · 23/01/2021 18:34

OrIsTheWorldNuts a white European is not going to have the same experience in life as an Indian person living in India. Wearing a sari and a bindi and eating curry for breakfast, lunch and dinner while staying in an Ashram does not make you culturally Indian.

India is a huge country with a huge population within that there are many different beliefs and practices and then there is the cultural etiquette and nuances that living within in culture or that is common practise in your family influence you (or you are aware of them)

And a white European person will never be treated the same way as an Indian person in India (or suffer racism)

As for some saying they fee Asian I had no idea what that is meant to mean Pakistani or Thai

JaninaDuszejko · 23/01/2021 18:44

The thing about race or nationality is it is not binary in the way sex is. For example: DH has parents from 2 different countries, he was born in a third and moved to a fourth as a preschooler. Lived there for all of his childhood then moved to a fifth country as a young adult. What is DH and what are our children (I'm not from the country we live in either?)? The DC think of themselves as country 5 (never lived anywhere else), have good links with my country but haven't been to the country DH was born in, or either of the countries PIL were born in so don't really feel like they belong to those countries despite having a passport for one.

AliasGrape · 23/01/2021 18:48

I have a relative who was born and spent the first 40 years of her life in England, then moved to Spain. She’s now in her mid 80s.

If asked I’m sure she would say she was Spanish at heart, and I’ve heard her say similar actually. I think she just means she feels more at home there than in England, loves the food/music/culture/literature etc etc, eats dinner late, likes a siesta etc.

If someone asked her her nationality she’d say English, but she’s definitely feel the need to wax lyrical about how she felt more Spanish.

Butchyrestingface · 23/01/2021 19:05

@RickiTarr

Deaf hearts? Is that what I’m guessing it is? Confused
I don't know what you're guessing it is. 🤷‍♀️
RickiTarr · 23/01/2021 19:05

Grin Actually I can’t decide.

OrIsTheWorldNuts · 23/01/2021 20:39

Wearing a sari and a bindi and eating curry for breakfast, lunch and dinner while staying in an Ashram does not make you culturally Indian.

😂😂 I hear you. I've seen this on youtube.

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redpencil77 · 23/01/2021 21:38

@RickiTarr

So it’s just the same as the old insult “coconut” and other stupidity then?

Recently there have been cases of gay men being told they aren’t gay and Asian people being told they aren’t Asian (loads of examples, just thinking of the recent ones I’ve read) because they don’t share the prescribed woke belief systems of whoever is doling out the stupid remarks.

It’s not new, it’s just that the new age of woke has repopularised it. Best ignored where possible.

Isn't that the same as Alec Baldein's wife? If she feels culturally Spanish then isn't that the point? Yet she seems to have been torn down? I don't know, if she feels she is why not? Feeling it isn't the sane as owning a Spanish passport and being a citizen of that country, which is a legal thing.

www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/hilaria-baldwin-the-strange-story-of-alec-baldwin-s-wife-and-her-fake-spanish-roots-1.4449271

RickiTarr · 23/01/2021 21:48

Isn't that the same as Alec Baldein's wife? If she feels culturally Spanish then isn't that the point? Yet she seems to have been torn down? I don't know, if she feels she is why not? Feeling it isn't the sane as owning a Spanish passport and being a citizen of that country, which is a legal thing.

No I agree. Feeling an affinity with a culture doesn’t make you a citizen of that country, or give you the genetics of someone with that heritage.

I mean you are allowed to feel an affinity with anything you like but you can’t then start unilaterally declaring yourself to be something you factually are not.

OrIsTheWorldNuts · 24/01/2021 12:16

So it’s just the same as the old insult “coconut” and other stupidity then?

Recently there have been cases of gay men being told they aren’t gay and Asian people being told they aren’t Asian (loads of examples, just thinking of the recent ones I’ve read) because they don’t share the prescribed woke belief systems of whoever is doling out the stupid remarks.

It’s not new, it’s just that the new age of woke has repopularised it. Best ignored where possible.

Isn't that the same as Alec Baldein's wife? If she feels culturally Spanish then isn't that the point? Yet she seems to have been torn down? I don't know, if she feels she is why not? Feeling it isn't the sane as owning a Spanish passport and being a citizen of that country, which is a legal thing.

No, I don't think it's the same at all. Asian people being told they aren't Asian or Gay people being told they aren't gay all because they have different opinions/values is not the same as Hilaria (an American) being told she isn't Spanish just because she feels an affinity to it.

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