Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what has bothered DH?

61 replies

ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 22/01/2021 15:19

Can I get some perspectives on this please folks? Not sure if it's just lockdown grump or if I need to probe about it.

Just had a chat with DH about watching a film tonight and he suggested The Legend of Tarzan. I said, 'good call, the lovely Alexander Skarsgard is always a yes from me and afterwards, maybe we can T&J ourselselves' Wink

In a real huff he answered, 'Oh, you're turned on by the thought of him, but I suppose I'll have to do.'

Now we have not had a row or a 'not tonight' moment recently, so I can't understand it. It's made me feel a bit tearful actually. AIBU?

OP posts:
Mammaaof · 22/01/2021 16:00

I would definitely be in more than a huff if my partner said that to me!!

Original poster
ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 22/01/2021 16:00

@AnyFucker you are writing your own story now...crocodile tears?! Anyway, off to have a chat with him. Thanks all.

OP posts:
Oreservoir · 22/01/2021 16:00

I’m with you op.
Wouldn’t upset me at all.

Weird how some pp’s have no problem with their partners watching porn but a hot film star causes jealousy.
Surely the point of a film about T&J is the steamy jungle scenes.

MuckyPlucky · 22/01/2021 16:01

I’m surprised at the reactions on here to be honest. Me and DP regularly joke about me watching Grand Designs & getting me in the mood for lurving!

DaphneBridgerton · 22/01/2021 16:01

Why did you come on here and ask for opinions if you were going to argue with every single person who suggested you might be in the wrong? You've obviously offended your DH.. nobody is saying you did it on purpose. Sometimes things don't land quite the way we expect. You've hurt his feelings so go and apologise. He will probably admit to being a bit over sensitive too.

AprilThe8th · 22/01/2021 16:02

If you usually make lighthearted comments like this then I'd be thinking something was up with him to be reacting like that.

FlamedToACrisp · 22/01/2021 16:04

But If he told me he wanted to watch something with someone he fancied so he can have sex with me after, I'd be raging.

this.

CheltenhamLady · 22/01/2021 16:15

I have to agree, it would make him feel that he was second best and that was what I would infer from his comment had happened. I also think you should apologise.

DappledThings · 22/01/2021 16:16

@DaphneBridgerton

Why did you come on here and ask for opinions if you were going to argue with every single person who suggested you might be in the wrong? You've obviously offended your DH.. nobody is saying you did it on purpose. Sometimes things don't land quite the way we expect. You've hurt his feelings so go and apologise. He will probably admit to being a bit over sensitive too.
Hardly what she's done given she's thanked people for their opinions, said she's glad to have got another perspective and is off to have a chat with her DH.
Etinox · 22/01/2021 16:17

@AnyFucker

Well, I wouldn't be too impressed if my DH implied he was revved up by the thought of another woman

I think you have an apology to make.

This. No biggie, but just don’t.
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/01/2021 16:21

Who said anything about porn Hmm

Ridiculous whataboutery and irrelevant.

sadtiredotter · 22/01/2021 16:22

He sounds overly sensitive but if it's out of character and he isn't usually hard work I would give him a hug and choose another film

Basketballerr · 22/01/2021 16:28

My DP says the exact same comments whenever I mention something along similar lines to what you have said!
I'm not allowed to mention another man being good looking/fit etc without him getting in a huff (I honestly dont do it all the time and its only ever celebs I would never say it about anybody in real life)
I encourage my DP to do the same, I ask him which celebs he finds attractive etc but he doesnt want to engage in it which is fair enough but I feel I should be able to make the odd comment if I want to without him assuming it means I want to jump on these hot celebs and i don't find him attractive.

I think my DP's self esteem is the problem so I really don't do it often but he knows who I find attractive now and if we happen to be watching something with that person in I always get a sidewards glance as if to make me feel guilty or something.

Maybe I am in the wrong but I honestly wouldn't take it personally if it was the other way around.

NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor · 22/01/2021 16:41

But If he told me he wanted to watch something with someone he fancied so he can have sex with me after, I'd be raging.
This. It's one thing having a jokey conversation about which celebs are attractive, it's another to imply that AS gets you turned on so much you would be wanting to have sex later. I'm surprised your husband wasn't tearful. You're tearful because you know you've said something quite shitty and don't like him calling you out on it imo.

Fairyliz · 22/01/2021 17:59

Crikey my DH would be so excited that sex was on offer he wouldn’t care.

AuldFox · 22/01/2021 19:20

Yeah I wouldn’t mind one bit about this sort of comment and neither would DH. I’m actually surprised so many here are bothered.

I reckon my husband is a bit like yours fairyliz Grin

MissMarpleDarling · 22/01/2021 21:25

Yabu.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 22/01/2021 21:33

I woukdnt be upset if my husband wanted to watch someone hot on tv but I would be upset at the connection between watching someone hot and then having sex with me. Like men who are really horny coming home from strip clubs or something. I'd be wondering if he was really thinking about someone else or was turned on by someone else but wanting to use me to help if that makes sense. Maybe it's my own paranoia! But I dont comment on other men infront of him either.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 22/01/2021 21:38

I think it depends on how you view celebrities. I've never been into any celebrity, I need to know someone to find them attractive. To me, they are real people, with good features and annoying habits, rather than something on a pedestal. So to me, if my husband said he fancied someone on tv and then wanted to have sex, it's a bit like someone saying 'oh yes I'm looking forward to that work night out with Sharon from accounts, she's so hot, let's have sex when I'm home'. I know my mind it a bit literal and works differently to some others but for me its similar and that's why its unacceptable. The only difference is there is probably a bit more probability that he will sleep with sharon from accounts.

Theunamedcat · 22/01/2021 21:39

So whats the implications here? He feels he doesn't turn you on? What film would he prefer to watch because they are all full of good looking men and good looking women must you censor everything you watch on television before you have sex or forever feel inferior

He is overthinking what could have been a nice evening

HighSpecWhistle · 22/01/2021 21:42

I have to say, whilst clearly you were being light-hearted, I too wouldn't be happy for my partner to make a comment about a specific actress and then imply she's made him horny.

Also - this may be just me, but you don't sound very emotionally resilient. I mean, you've upset him... This happens in any long term relationship, it's normal to have misunderstandings. For you to be in tears over it seems a bit OTT. If I were you, I'd have just backtracked, let him know you didn't mean it like that and just fancied some sex generally. It wouldn't make me sad...

FolkyFoxFace · 22/01/2021 21:44

I wouldn't like this either. Thankfully DH has never said anything like that, but one ex bf was obsessed with Buffy - had a major thing for Willow if I remember correctly. He'd always go on about it, and either try and start sex while she was on screen or afterwards! Bit more extreme obviously, but it used to annoy the hell out of me. I still get annoyed by Buffy all these years later! 😂

Rewis · 22/01/2021 21:44

On a normal day I would laugh and the joke and do an innuendo back. On a day when I wasn't feeling too hot and had one of those not so confident days, I would be hurt and truly think like your husband.

CrotchBurn · 22/01/2021 21:58

If I were your DP and you said that to me I'd be like... Are you 14? Can you not just watch a film to watch the film? It's just a weird comment you made IMO

Scarlettpixie · 22/01/2021 21:59

Either the bit about fancying the actor or the bit about some T&J later would be fine but both in the same sentence or two? No. I don’t blame him for being put out.

Yabu OP.