Does house work have to be a chore for it to count as your share?

[TransplantedScouser]

I love cooking. I play with recipes/ingredients - do twists on things. More than happy to do 100% of the cooking and the cleaning up after myself.

As I WFH I also do most of the dishes.

DH who is a neat freak does almost of the other household cleaning as frankly he’s better at it than me.

He says my share doesn’t count as I enjoy doing it and I should also do some of the cleaning.

No kids, I work full time from home in IT. His job requires him to leave the home.

Other stuff is just basic cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, bathrooms etc

I also tend to do the laundry but that doesn’t count either as the machine does it!

@Cadent I suspect my idea of cooking from scratch and yours are very different.

I can tell you stories about what my mum cooked for us that would your pubes curl.

I can cook!

Who does the shopping?

Depends. What makes me suspicious is the discounting of laundry. That definitely counts! What jobs would he like to do?

I think it’s about time spent on tasks isn’t it.

I would guess that cooking and clearing up and laundry, are fairly equal to the other cleaning chores.

If my husband did all the shopping, cooking, clearing up the kitchen AND the laundry - I would honestly feel pretty damn lucky!!!

Of course YANBU. As a few others have said, if you spend EXTRA time cooking fancy food just because you love it then that doesn't count. For example, if your DP would be happy with a meal which takes one hour to prepare but you choose to spend three hours making a fabulous meal, then you have spent one hour on "work" and two hours on a hobby.

My DP kept chickens because he enjoyed it. He wanted credit for all the time he spent feeding, mucking out, and repairing their house and said I should be grateful for all the work he does while I am lazing about reading. I pointed out that I am a philistine who doesn't appreciate fresh eggs over supermarket eggs, and I dislike chickens, so he isn't doing anything FOR ME. It is his hobby, and is no more worthy than my hobbies. They are his pets. If it feels like work to him then he shouldn't keep them.

Cooking, washing up and laundry count obviously. But playing with recipes, ingredients twists is fun and if you're doing that every day spending hours in the kitchen every evening that doesn't get you out of ever cleaning.

Just cook for yourself then.

It depends. If he'd rather spend less time cleaning and you do some in "exchange" for him cooking or doing the washing a couple of days a week, then I think there needs to be a more equal split. If he is just expecting you to do all the washing, cooking and then some cleaning, then that's unreasonable.

There are some chores I hate and some I don't mind so much. I'd rather cook then clean but dh doesn't enjoy the basic cleaning tasks either so everything is pretty much an equal split

The fact that you enjoy it doesn't mean it doesn't count. However, I don't really think that it's reasonable for you to do no other housework just because you do the cooking. I have similar discussions with DH because he also likes cooking and does most of it. However, I'm not that interested in food and would be happy with something simple that takes half an hour to cook. If he chooses to spend hours on it because he enjoys it, I don't think it fair for me to spend the equivalent amount of time on all the housework.

I love the suggestion by some posters that you just cook for yourself. Why assume he wouldn't like that if you then have to do loads of housework? He might think it a great swap. I know I would and have suggested it to DH a few times.

Swap chores for a week (all chores). See if you both feel the other person has a similar level of work.

I'd say cleaning is bigger job than cooking so if you refuse to do any other house work on the grounds that you have chosen a job you really enjoy, then yes I would feel a bit miserable slogging away cleaning toilets as my 'fair share'.

Me too. Listening to my OH singing away whilst merrily cooking for 2 hours (as he does a few times a week) but every night would wind me up if at the same time I was cleaning the toilets, changing the bedding, scrubbing the floors etc. To me he has a point. I think you're underestimating what he does. I suggest you swap for a couple of weeks and I bet you'll notice your house isn't as lovely and clean as he's working his socks off.

I'd say cleaning is bigger job than cooking

Cleaning is a bigger job than cooking, but OPs jobs also presumably include shopping and meal planning, cleaning kitchen and laundry as well as cooking. In a house with just two people their split does seem reasonably fair.

Having said that, I get annoyed with my DH when he takes ages cooking some fancy thing I don't actually want, making a huge mess (I'm sure OP doesn't do that though) then complains about how much work it was.

How much cleaning can there be with just the two of you!! I reckon I could do the whole house in 2 hours (absolute tops, probably much less) if my kids didn't live here!! Personally I like cleaning, although I hate laundry. But I agree with you, just because you enjoy something doesn't mean you aren't pulling your weight