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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I go back to work? Lockdown is ruining maternity leave anyway

43 replies

Cradletograve · 22/01/2021 04:45

DD is nearly 10 months old. I was supposed to be on mat leave until the week after her first birthday but DHs business is being impacted by Lockdown and although I can live on savings, for this last stretch of leave, they're all the savings we have so come April, we'll have nothing. I'm the higher earner anyway so we always knew it would be tight with me taking a year but we hadn't planned on me going back with nothing.

DD was born the day after we went into lockdown the first time so although there have been occasional brief periods of something resembling more of a traditional maternity leave, it's basically been lockdown after lockdown and restriction after restriction her entire life and the latest lockdown I did just sob as this is it now; the last stretch of my maternity leave and we can't do anything. DD is old enough that she needs to be entertained all day but too young that she can't really do any activities so we just sit at home all day everyday. Because she is under 1 I am bubbled with my parents but they work full time so we only see them once a week. The other days it's just us. My husband is a key worker and can continue working full time so during the day we don't see him either. We've discussed the possibility of him staying home and me returning to work but it really just isn't an option even with his reduced income at this point in time.

We have a lovely nursery all lined up for DD and I'm really starting to feel that maybe she'd be better off being at nursery and all the options they have to offer her day to day and I can get back to brining in some money so I'm not fretting over money all the time and having arguments with DH about it all the time. I just feel it might be better for us all. But at the same time, I don't have a choice but to go back full time which is why I wanted the full year in the first place, I adore my DD and love our time together and I'm heartbroken at the idea of leaving her. But I know I have to soon anyway so WIBU to bring it forward by a few months to take the pressure off financially and hopefully she'll get more out of being in nursery than being couped up with me all day anyway.

OP posts:

lemorella · 22/01/2021 04:51

Yes do it, Covid aside lots of women decide to bring forward their return to work. I did by one month. I love my dc dearly but was clamouring for adult interaction and to be able to use my brain again come the end (and this was pre Covid). Dc will also get some interaction with other children at nursery in a controlled environment (some much missed socialisation).

See if work will accept some KIT days for you first maybe as a trial so you can see how dc settles into nursery without too much pressure.

Chouxbuncity · 22/01/2021 04:52

She would be absolutely fine I’m sure and I don’t think 2 months would make much difference to her well-being. She doesn’t know you are thinking about going back early! However I don’t think she’d be ‘better off’ in nursery then at home with you at 10 months old.

SnowFields · 22/01/2021 04:53

Have you checked your terms and conditions as I had to give eight weeks’ notice to end my maternity leave early.

zebrapig · 22/01/2021 04:59

If you think it will be best for your family then do it. I brought my return to work forward by 2 months (from a year to 10 months) because a secondment position came up that I really wanted. I was a bit gutted to see some of my friends still having fun on mat leave but it was still the right thing to do. I'd definitely do it again and can totally see why you'd do it now, having not had the mat leave you'd expected.

I've actually just increased DS's days at nursery so I can work more hours. He has way more fun at nursery than being stuck at home with me when we can't go anywhere or do anything. It benefits work and us financially as well so seemed a bit of a no brainier right now.

leafygarden42 · 22/01/2021 05:03

I would if it's possible.

I went back after my first two when they were 5 and 4 months old (part time only) of 3 days a week, and felt it was good for all of us.

For me it has been incredibly useful 'keeping my hand in' with work as I never got to the awkward phase of losing your confidence about going back - something that I think might have happened if I'd left it too long.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 22/01/2021 05:35

I would.
With dd3, I planned a year but come 9 months it was just cold dark winter ahead and tbh I was just ready to get on with it, a bit like waiting to go home on the last day of your holiday, or the week before you move.
Have you done any KIT days. Could you book some and put dd in nursery for those days as a trial run?

Oh12lookanothernamechange1234 · 22/01/2021 05:47

I’d do it... I went back to work after six months full time literally right at the beginning of do first lockdown. I thought about taking longer off but in hindsight best decision I’ve made.
Nursey is so so stimulating for them, they socialise do fantastic activities that I just wouldn’t of at home! Compared to my 1st who didn’t go to nursery until 2.5 she has come on so so much. Her bond with the staff is fantastic as well.
As a previous poster has said you might just need to give work notice- mine was 4 weeks.... it’s more so payroll have enough time too. But at least you can get the ball rolling rather than eating into savings.

shouldistop · 22/01/2021 05:50

Honestly, I think it sounds like a good idea. Do you have any annual leave that you can use to have a more gradual return? Eg 3 day weeks for a month then 4 day weeks for another month?
Have you used your 10 KIT days, these are fully paid and you could maybe use them instead to boost income for the next couple of months if your workplace are agreeable.

HappyFlamingo · 22/01/2021 05:51

I definitely would. I'd find it so stressful using up all our savings. And it's only a few weeks earlier than planned.

BabyYodaYada · 22/01/2021 06:05

Ask work first. I had to give 8 weeks notice before I went back.

You will have accrued almost a year's worth of annual leave and Bank holidays. Could you look into the possibility of returning to work and then booking the first month off as leave? You will receive full pay, but be off. Or use that leave to reduce your working week to four days?

I went back to work after both of mine were six months old. It's difficult at any age. But it is also good for you to get back to being something other than mum. I found maternity leave hard work and isolating enough with my first baby. I can only imagine how hard it's been under lockdown.

Sway19 · 22/01/2021 06:09

I most definitely would. Though then again I wouldn’t consider working any job full time if it meant putting a 10 month old in nursery 5 days a week. Hopefully that isn’t the case for you or your DD

Sway19 · 22/01/2021 06:09

Do you have any accrued a/l you could use to extend your mat leave by a month, but it be paid?

MotorwayDiva · 22/01/2021 06:12

I'd go back and use accrued leave for after lock down

lurch3r · 22/01/2021 06:18

Have no issue with nurseries and little children at all, but right now in the UK, I wouldn't. One extra child is an extra risk for the workers and unless you couldn't pay essential costs, I'd be holding on at home because you can. Your job's not at risk if you have your full maternity leave and you are able to stay at home and look after your child during this lockdown.

user1493413286 · 22/01/2021 06:31

I’m in a similar situation with my 11 month old and have wondered about this. In the end I’ve decided that I’m going to stay off for the full time as I’ve also got a 3 year old and I won’t be having more children so this will be my last opportunity to have a significant amount of time off in one go. I would do what you feel is right for you; plenty of parents go back at 10 months or earlier and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Fireflies33 · 22/01/2021 06:36

I’m not sure now would be the right time to send your child to nursery and put the staff there at extra risk. Most parents who can have made the decision to keep their child at home. If you can I would wait and make the most of your time together.

IcyApril · 22/01/2021 06:38

I think I would. We are pretty much guaranteed to be in lockdown for the next two months. I also do think your daughter will benefit in terms of nursery. Usually I would say it doesn’t make much difference either way but with such little to do at the moment and also with it being so difficult as an adult, I can see there are being some real benefits.

I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience for your first maternity leave.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/01/2021 06:42

Personally I’d wait until the number of cases has gone down. As others have said, using accrued annual leave could be good.

RealMermaid · 22/01/2021 06:42

I had my baby in January so similar experience! I went back to work after 11 months but have been using annual leave to do a return part time which has been great. My son loves nursery and I'm happy he gets to interact with other kids. Maternity leave has been nothing like I planned and it's really disappointing but I think going back to work has overall been really positive for me and our family.

PicaK · 22/01/2021 06:43

If you're getting through these days without sobbing and going nuts you are a truly amazing mum. You've gone above and beyond. I couldn't have coped in your shoes without baby groups and NCT meet ups etc. And I still sobbed and found it hard.
So go back without guilt.
You've given your baby a wonderful foundation.
The only thing I'd suggest you look at is both doing a 4 day week if possible. A work life balance that would allow you each a day off before you hit the weekend with joint 50/50 responsibility.
(Note I'm not advocating taking baby out of nursery.)
The only thing I'd say is take with a pinch if salt all the stuff about babies needing socialisation etc. Up until 3 I'm not sure that's quite right. Enjoying it is a different matter.

intheshallows · 22/01/2021 06:52

I definitely would- in fact I did the same last year- end my mat leave at 9 months in September as could see what was about to happen to all the restrictions etc again and I don't regret it!! The earlier they start nursery the higher the chance they'll settle in anyway (or so I've been told).

Also ending maternity leave does mean the end of previous time with your baby- far from it. But you will get your finances back and I personally was surprised by how much I liked getting back those work days as I was doing something separate from being a mum.

44PumpLane · 22/01/2021 06:53

Something to consider OP, when your child starts nursery they will have minimal immunity to anything given they have basically been in isolation their whole life. You may find it a good idea to ask work for some KIT days where you send your child in and then see if they get ill.

Especially at the minute you won't be able to send them in with even the slightest cough (understandably) so it might be useful to get some of that out of the way first and by doing some KIT days you would get paid for those days.

intheshallows · 22/01/2021 06:53

*precious

ReallySpicyCurry2 · 22/01/2021 06:56

I would. I was initially going to take a year, but a new role opportunity came up which I would have been a fool not to take, so I ended up going back at 9 months. It was hard and I was definitely a bit gutted - I just wanted to stay at home frankly - but now that she's 2.5 I'm SO glad I did.

Averyhungrycaterpillar · 22/01/2021 06:58

My DD was born 2 days before yours, I went back to work when she was 6 months purely for the same reasons. I actually started a new job, which was just by fluke but perfect for us. I'd had enough, I couldn't handle being at home not doing anything so just went for it and its the best decision I've ever made. Do whats best for you OP, go with your gut

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