Should I go back to work? Lockdown is ruining maternity leave anyway

[Cradletograve]

DD is nearly 10 months old. I was supposed to be on mat leave until the week after her first birthday but DHs business is being impacted by Lockdown and although I can live on savings, for this last stretch of leave, they're all the savings we have so come April, we'll have nothing. I'm the higher earner anyway so we always knew it would be tight with me taking a year but we hadn't planned on me going back with nothing.

DD was born the day after we went into lockdown the first time so although there have been occasional brief periods of something resembling more of a traditional maternity leave, it's basically been lockdown after lockdown and restriction after restriction her entire life and the latest lockdown I did just sob as this is it now; the last stretch of my maternity leave and we can't do anything. DD is old enough that she needs to be entertained all day but too young that she can't really do any activities so we just sit at home all day everyday. Because she is under 1 I am bubbled with my parents but they work full time so we only see them once a week. The other days it's just us. My husband is a key worker and can continue working full time so during the day we don't see him either. We've discussed the possibility of him staying home and me returning to work but it really just isn't an option even with his reduced income at this point in time.

We have a lovely nursery all lined up for DD and I'm really starting to feel that maybe she'd be better off being at nursery and all the options they have to offer her day to day and I can get back to brining in some money so I'm not fretting over money all the time and having arguments with DH about it all the time. I just feel it might be better for us all. But at the same time, I don't have a choice but to go back full time which is why I wanted the full year in the first place, I adore my DD and love our time together and I'm heartbroken at the idea of leaving her. But I know I have to soon anyway so WIBU to bring it forward by a few months to take the pressure off financially and hopefully she'll get more out of being in nursery than being couped up with me all day anyway.

If you are basing your decision on what's best for your baby, don't tell yourself she'll be "better off" at nursery. She'll be fine there but when they are so little they dont interact with other babies much really so get far more from having one on one attention from you than sharing a nursery nurse with two other demanding babies.

But obviously consider your own needs & finances too.i know plenty of people who've done the same too because they were going stir crazy in lockdown.

Your other option is to try and get out of the house a bit more, try and enjoy what little is left of your maternity leave. Can you meet another mum for a walk or at a park with swings?

At 10m with DD (we were in lockdown then too) we rotated around a few nice locations for walks including 3 local parks, a couple of nice Woodlands, a land that went past lots of fields with horses, and a a duck pond which she loved. I met a friend with a baby the same age and it saved my sanity.

I wouldn’t unless the money situation was very bad. Babies when they go to nursery tend to get every big going. You’ve got a high chance of returning to work and having to then work with a self isolating baby (which is no fun!) every time they get a fever or a cough etc. A months time should hopefully bring a different picture re cases and might make for a smoother return to work.

I wpuldbuse the leave that you have accrued first to get a month off and then go back after that. I also have to say I agree with a pp of you hae yo go back for financial reasons or because your mental health is suffering those are both very valid reasons. However don't kid yourself that a 10month old baby gets the same experience out if nursery as a 2 year old, they don't. They won't interact with other babies at this stage and largely do their own thing, most nursery ratios are 1 to 3 babies so how much extra attention can they give your baby when they have another two to feed, change and take care of? Eventually there will be a benefit to your child but not this young. My dd started at 10 months, my son a year, in the early days nursery didn't give them anything different or better than I or dh could have.

*would use

Can you use annual leave or otherwise negotiate a more phased return to work? E.g. start off on 3 days, move up to 5 by end of those 2 months.

Then LO will have a good amount of entertainment at nursery but you won't have to deal with 5 days a week working straight away.

I’m doing the same thing OP. I was going to take a year mat leave (due back July) but we had planned that the last 3 months would have been covered by savings. Hello covid and husbands business pretty much disappeared overnight so we used the allotted savings so he could have a few months off to enjoy baby at the start and he has now taken a much lower paid job so at least he is working. I have decided to go back at 9 months at the end of my paid mat leave to help financially but mostly because I need to use my brain and get out of the monotony that is baby in lockdown there are only so many walks and zoom sessions you can do. My husband is out 6.30-6 5 days a week and preschooler is in nursery to maintain some kind of routine. I had really terrible PND the first time around and have done so well maintaining my MH this time despite the circumstances but I can really feel things starting to slip now. My first went to nursery at 8 months and settled really well. I am able to go back part time (4days) but using accrued leave to go back only 2 or 3 days for the first couple of months so feel this is a good compromise. I am going back as a frontline nurse practitioner so also crossing fingers that the worst of the this is over by the time I go back in April!

Thank you for all your responses a d things to think about. I already work full time over 4 days and I'm hoping my manager would agree to me using annual leave to have an extra day a week so she would need to be in nursery 3 days for the first few months.

I took the full year with my son (he was four months when the first lockdown happened). The last month of mine coincided with the November lockdown and then us going into tier 4. I couldn’t get my son in any earlier so had to wait it out so he ended up going when he was 13 months old. I wish I could of got him in earlier. He is thriving at nursery, he is very happy to see his keyworker when we drop him off in the morning and very content when he comes home. He is getting the stimulation that I just can’t give him at home, they don’t play together at this age but side by side play is important. His development has been on the slower side (he has hit milestones but usually a week before the cut off for red flag bits) and the HV said she would normally advise stay and play groups but as these aren’t running nursery is a good resource. It also seems to have come on leaps in the month he has been there. It may be a coincidence but I do think seeing others his age is important.
I also feel much better for getting a bit of me back by working and I enjoy my time with him so much more, even when he is being difficult. I’ve gone back 3 days a week and it is the right balance for us.

I wouldn't at the moment as I can see nurseries being closed soon to all but Key worker children.

Yes definitely I would do that too.

I went back to work when DS was 7 months. I lost my job on mat leave and we incurred a lot of additional coronavirus related expenses. Whilst DHs job is OK at the moment we don’t know what the future holds and his salary wouldn’t cover all out day to day expenses.

OP can I ask, if you’re the higher earner, how come it wouldn’t work for your husband to stay at home with the baby while you go back to work?

@Ruminthebath because he is self employed and has his own business with a partner the only way for him to stop working 'temporarily' would be to stop working completely. His business would have to shut down and his partner couldn't work either. So when we no longer needed him to stay home he'd have to build his business from scratch again without a partner. Long term it's better for us to make a loss on him working and weathering this storm now in the hopes that he still has the business in 5 years time. Covid is causing a significant cash flow problem but not actually stopping him from working day to day so in theory all the money should come our way eventually it's just we have no idea when so my income, as well as being higher, allows us the security of knowing we have enough to cover the bills every month.

Yes I would do it! My eldest started nursery at 10 months and he was absolutely fine. I think your plan sounds really sensible.

Yes, I would.

Sounds fine but you’ll need a plan for Baby illness. They get sick a lot starting nursery especially in winter and especially if been in lockdown so not exposed at baby groups plus general nervousness re covid eg probably won’t take with a cough whereas in old days would.

Ahhhh that makes sense about your husband's business. In these circumstances I reckon I'd go back to work. If you do full-time over 4 days then you'll still have three full days together - and you might find that you enjoy the time with your baby more when you're not in mum-mode 24/7! Good luck whatever you decide.

I think it makes a lot of sense for all the reasons you've outlined. The only thing that I wondered is whether you've actually checked with nursery yet that they have a space open, especially if you want fewer days for this early period and then to increase them? It's also not the nicest time to be doing a nursery settling-in period - it really bothers me that I've only seen the inside of the building once and that was with only me and the manager there, even though DS has been going to that nursery for seven months - but I'm not sure that'll change in three months, tbh, so not sure how much of a consideration that should be.