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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex - AIBU to be annoyed

33 replies

dreamsss · 20/01/2021 23:10

(Sorry if this posted twice i couldnt see the first)

Bf has been "joking" about me shaving my legs etc, the worst it gets is stubble, never more than 3 days worth. This eve he basically said before my shower not to forget to shave, cheeky f-er but anyway i took that as... fun time is on tonight. So i did.

I was up early this morn so 9:30pm ish i say shall we go up, he says yes give me 5 and i will be up, hour later i finally go down to see if hes fallen asleep which he had.

Bearing in mind i was shattered but stayed awake thinking he would be coming up any min. Instagram made the time go quicker but ntp.

AIBU to be annoyed?

Also sex has become allll about him, he doesnt make an effort and you can forget me coming close to finishing. Im worried it will cause resentment.

Its not a subject i am confident about discussing either.

P.S I'm now wide awake as im angry and he is snoring away! When i couldve been asleep from 9:30pm! arghhh

OP posts:
Prisonbreak · 20/01/2021 23:23

No more than 3 days? 😂 I haven’t picked up a razor this year 😂 that’s the most unreasonable part... you are bowing to his demands

Morris125 · 20/01/2021 23:25

Think you have bigger issues then having no sex tonight when you say that he is a selfish lover. Give and take surely?

tenlittlecygnets · 20/01/2021 23:25

Well, you need to be able to talk to him about it! Tell him he's being selfish and you'd like him to make you orgasm.

If you're having sex with him, you should be able to talk about sex with him..

grapewine · 20/01/2021 23:26

If he isn't even bothered about your orgasm, why do you bother? Sorry, but that was my first thought.

glasgowLil · 20/01/2021 23:27

So he expects you to be perfectly hairless at all times but is crap in bed?
I would feel really uncomfortable with a partner who makes derogatory comments about my physical appearance. It’s a subtle undermining that can make you feel really rubbish about yourself and isn’t the behaviour of a loving partner.
In context, in my 14 year relationship with my husband, I’ve been bald and over weight (due to chemo) and had a mastectomy 8 years ago with no reconstruction but he’s never commented negatively about my body. He’s always been really positive and made me feel good about myself.
Hope you manage to get to sleep.

Lockheart · 20/01/2021 23:28

You need to talk to him, not us. If you're having sex with him you should be able to talk about it. If you really can't bring yourself to talk about sex with the person you're sleeping with then it's worth exploring why that is. I suspect it has much the same roots as the reason you put up with this treatment.

HitchFlix · 20/01/2021 23:29

What a dickhead - tell him you can't have sex with him until he waxes his balls.

How long are you together? I wouldn't be bothered investing more time with this one. I can't imagine it will end well.

whoamongstus · 20/01/2021 23:32

There's 3 issues:

  • making demands about what you do with your body hair: tell him to fuck off, it's rude and nothing would make me feel less inclined to have sex than being 'jokingly' reminded to shave my legs. Couldn't be doing with that
  • him falling asleep... Happens to the best of us, I think give him a pass on that one
  • him being selfish in bed. Nope! If you don't want to bring it up outside of sex (which would be preferable, but you've said you're not comfortable), the next time you're having sex, tell him what you want. Tell him to slow down because you want to come first. Tell him you're not done even if he is. You can do that in a way that feels in the moment and non-confrontational (although, again, you should be able to be honest and upfront and more to the point he should care!). If he doesn't take the hint, then you have to bite the bullet and day very clearly "You don't seem to care whether or not I come when we have sex. This makes me feel [unsatisfied? Unenthusiastic about having sex? Used? Like a sex doll?]".

I wouldn't be going through life being someone's sex toy and being ordered to shave my legs to make sure I'm up to scratch for his requirements.

Mylittlepony374 · 20/01/2021 23:34

What a fucking dick he is.

TheOneLeggedJockey · 20/01/2021 23:34

OK, everything that has just gone down - the leg shaving comment (WTF?!), the falling asleep on the sofa after you specifically checked if he was coming up (WTF?!), and the selfish behaviour in bed (WTF?!) - are all just symptoms of another, bigger problem.

He’s just not that into you.

Ditch. Move on. There are a zillion men out there. Why stay with this sub-standard specimen??

Candyfloss99 · 20/01/2021 23:37

Yuck. If a man told me to shave my legs sex would definitely be the last thing on my mind. Why on earth would anyone want to have sex with someone who doesn't make them orgasm and doesn't even try to?

Original poster
dreamsss · 20/01/2021 23:44

@TheOneLeggedJockey

Your message has just made me burst into tears.

I think that is it. Maybe hes just not that into me.

He never says anything nice about me, or instigates sex. CONSTANTLY comments on hot women on the TV.

OP posts:
TheOneLeggedJockey · 20/01/2021 23:46

OP - you can’t have expected anyone to tell you YWBU, surely!

Oh God. The usual handmaidens will probably be along soon to tell you to move, on, forget about, and just do whatever it takes to keep Your Man. 😬

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/01/2021 23:46

Ugh why are you settling for someone so substandard? He sounds rubbish. Stop wasting time and agonising over someone who can never make you happy. Take control of your life.

TheOneLeggedJockey · 20/01/2021 23:47

Oh gosh - I didn’t mean to make you cry! I’m sorry.

But you deserve so much better, you honestly do.

Please, for your own mental health - bin him off now. Flowers

CityCommuter · 20/01/2021 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 20/01/2021 23:52

How long have you been with him? He doesn’t really sound like a keeper to be honest. I think you can do better than him!

Bubbles1st · 20/01/2021 23:54

If you're having sex with him, you should be able to talk about sex with him..

This.

Catty1720 · 21/01/2021 00:04

@Bubbles1st

If you're having sex with him, you should be able to talk about sex with him..

This.

Yep! If you cannot talk about sex with someone be it good or bad then you shouldn’t be having sex with them. He can’t tell you to shave no man or women has the right to tell their partner that. Also if the sex life is just about him then he’s a very selfish man. Either things change or you need to find someone worthy
MissMarpleDarling · 21/01/2021 00:04

Mine kept 'reminding' me to shave so I grew all my body hair. Shaved this week actually as it was getting to much but I wasn't shaving for him. YANBU

TuxedoPuss · 21/01/2021 00:08

He sounds pretty awful. There's good guys out there but you're washing your time with this one who doesn't respect you as a person. Just one of those three things would have made me question everything. But all are linked in the way he sees you.

Yohoheaveho · 21/01/2021 00:17

Tell him you're not interested in sex because there's nothing in it for you
and start commenting on all the hot men on the telly😍

fantasmasgoria1 · 21/01/2021 00:36

He's obviously shallow and selfish. My Fiance could not care less if I shave my legs or not, and does everything he can to please me before himself. How can he tell after 3 days that you have not shaved your legs!?

Gobbeldegook · 21/01/2021 00:42

So many red flags. Kick him to the curb

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 21/01/2021 00:49

Do you really see this as the relationship you want for the rest of your life? If not, get rid now. There are loads of men out there who would treat you so much better than this dickhead.

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