My partner is quitting his job. Does this make me a bad mum?

[Isitevapornot]

I’m a working mum and make most of our income. We’ve just set up a new business, and it’s taking to a lot of time. My partner is going to be quitting his job to take on childcare (something he really wants to do as he hates his job). But I’m worried him doing the childcare makes me a crappy mum.

Thoughts?

@Isitevapornot

I clearly wasn’t calling dads who work bad parents. Stop twisting things. Because women are always expected to be the main caregiver, I felt like I’m failing because I’m working. Nowhere did I say dads are shit parents.

So I’m failing because I earn more than my husband and therefore when our annual leave runs out ( Scotland no nurseries open) he’ll be the one looking after baby. Totally disagree. How long are your long hours? Bet they are not what some are doing

@Hardbackwriter

Genuinely, what comments? I work my husband doesn't; I've never had a disparaging comment - unless you count the pregnant woman who told me she couldn't wait to have her baby as she'd be quitting the hellhole of work and couldn't understand why I didn't do that!

Literally never felt like I'm 'failing' either by not being the SAHP

I feel like maybe I'm unusually thick skinned but I've never heard anything like this and have never been bothered about what other people think?

Anyway OP you're unreasonable because it's a ridiculous thing to think.

Good on you! YANBU at all l think. In years to come this will be more and more of a thing

I voted YABU because you shouldn't feel bad about doing this but at the same time I can understand the feeling and think most working people with kids have a bit of this guilty feeling.

If it helps, my Dad was the stay at home parent when we were small and I had and still have a really good relationship with my Mum.

Of course you're not being a bad mum, OP - there's nothing at all wrong with SAH dads and mums continuing to work if it's what you both want

However are you married? And whether yes or no, are you entirely confident of the relationship? It's just that, in your position, I'd probably do some thinking about what his expectations would be in the event of a split

But women SHOULDN’T automatically be the primary caregiver!! This post makes me want to cry. Are we in the 1950s?!

To be fair I want to cry every time I hear about a woman who “has to stay home” because her income doesn’t cover childcare... it’s the family bloody income!! If you like working, work! My mum made beans and worked much longer hours than my dad because she loved it. I got a great nanny & happy parents out of it. No guilt there!

When we were making the decision about childcare and jobs, DH said looking at the numbers, one of us can afford to stay at home for a bit.

One of us. Not me coz I’m the woman, or him because he earns less. There’s no right or wrong here. Doesn’t matter who it is, you’re both parents to this child and you both love them enough to be worried about what’s best.

Do what works for you all.

Unfortunately women carry guilt about being bad mums, bad at their jobs

Men don't though so try not to worry

You are a good, positive role model

I think you are setting a positive example of how parenting/family life can work for everyone. You are certainly not a bad mum at all as you are working with dh to do what works for everyone. Just make sure that your needs are acknowledged too so you need to get time with dc not just be forever working as you mentioned in one of your posts.

I went back to work after maternity leave and dh stayed home with ds and completed his training course at evening classes. Then when he was ready to start our business I gave up work to care for ds so that he could work all hours as required to get the business up and running. I did some work with him as and when around caring for ds and then dd when she arrived.

I found that you need to do what works for you all rather than worrying what others think and also review it regularly to make sure you are all on board and happy and the business is going in the right direction. Now our dc are older I do al to more in the business and we are equal partners in everything.

Good luck x

@toconclude

Who in heck voted YABU?

I voted YABU because I thought the OP was being unreasonable to think she's being a bad mum, of course she isn't!

I was just wondering who the heck voted YANBU! But maybe you mean she's not being unreasonable to work?

Yawn.

He's their father, why not? I thought I was going to read something really awful, but If you're both happy with the arrangement then job done!