To think it's still a hobby without a group?

[OchreBlue]

DH has told me I don't have any hobbies because I don't do anything with other people (in person or online). I thought I had lots of hobbies: gardening-i have an allotment, bird/nature watching and photography (I don't share the photos online or anything), reading, swimming, art and painting. But is he right? Do people think of these as just interests, that only properly develop into hobbies once you start joining groups, competing/cooperating, sharing knowledge etc.? Are hobbies inherently social? If they can be carried out alone do hobbies still need an element of comparison to others, such as knowing how good your score/level/knowledge is compared to others or is it still a hobby if you just enjoy it for what it is, on your own?

YABU: hobbies are social
YANBU: hobbies can be solitary

Of course hobbies can be something you do by yourself, he's talking out of his arse.

Tell him your new hobby is wine tasting and you're going to be doing it in the bath 2 nights a week from now on

As a matter of interest, in non-lockdown times, does he get involved in childrens' bedtime on non-hobby nights? Would he even know what to do, if - say - when twilight is around 6-6.30, you were to decide to have 1 or 2 evenings a week at the allotment then, spanning bedtime?

I'm a solitary hobby person too, crochet, I like to concentrate, i do it for me, and I don't really like groups of people.

@DonttouchthatLarry ha ha yes that's a new hobby I might take up.

@Walkacrossthesand no not at all, in fact I've just told him about this thread and he said "is mumsnet going to come and look after the kids while you're out then?" I pointed out it's his job but he said "how am I supposed to stop the toddler screaming, she only wants you." This has been an illuminating thread for me, thanks for all your responses, I now do think it might be less about hobbies and more about him wanting to avoid looking after the kids!

Ahhh... all my hobbies are solitary, though I do talk about them with others who do similar from time to time but i dont DO them with other people... because ugh.. out.. other people, blech.

As far as 'how am I supposed to stop her screaming when...' LOL... 'Thats for you to figure out love, maybe you can find a group about it to ask for help, see you later' as you zoom out the door to do whatever the hell you please!

[quote OchreBlue]@DonttouchthatLarry ha ha yes that's a new hobby I might take up.

@Walkacrossthesand no not at all, in fact I've just told him about this thread and he said "is mumsnet going to come and look after the kids while you're out then?" I pointed out it's his job but he said "how am I supposed to stop the toddler screaming, she only wants you." This has been an illuminating thread for me, thanks for all your responses, I now do think it might be less about hobbies and more about him wanting to avoid looking after the kids![/quote]
Well, well, well, what a surprise, NOT?

If he's not good at looking after his own children, he needs more practice, not less!

470 votes so far, 100% YANBU. Pretty conclusive that your husband is an idiot! 😀

Is he trying to put you down op? I don't know anyone who defines hobbies the way your husband does and it seems like a way of making you feel bad about yourself. How is he is other areas of your life together?

I now do think it might be less about hobbies and more about him wanting to avoid looking after the kids

Yup. My immediate thought on your OP.

I think it might be something to do with the role playing/board games.

FIL is into role playing/board games groups and it’s now extended to cosplay. FIL berated both DH and I for not having hobbies. At the time, our hobbies would include reading and walking for both of us, painting and swimming for me, photography, cycling, football and games console for DH. We weren’t short of things to keep us interested and amuse us both separately or together. But to FIL they weren’t good enough - FIL would swim, read and games console but somehow playing games with like-minded people is different. When we said we weren’t looking to get into cosplay, he told us our problem was that we cared too much about what people think. I think people in this area can get so absorbed into this, they find it weird that people don’t want to do the same as them.

Plus the other stuff of not wanting to pull his weight.

Wow 502 votes and not a single YABU. The world hasn't gone mad after all.

OP, you win! YADNBU. Everyone has said pretty much what I want to say!

Wow, I've only just seen the votes, that's pretty clear then, I will carry on enjoying my hobbies on my own. It's good to know it's not just me!