To wonder why some women belittle other women

[Teenageromance]

I was in quite a high level meeting today with colleagues I know and was presenting. Another woman asked a question that felt like it was designed to catch me out. Why? I would never do that to anyone - male or female. Why do people do this?

Nothing to do with gender. Some men AND women are more than capable of being bullying twats to their own and opposite sex. It's just a power/self confidence thing.

Are you sure that was her intention?

When this happens I tend to think it’s jealousy. Often as a means to bring someone down a peg or two. It’s not nice OP, just rise above it and try not to dwell on it too much.

I had a colleague who would do stuff like that, she would find out information for herself then ask me to see if I said the same as what she found out as a way of trying to catch me out. When I found out she'd done that, I didnt bother to help her after that and every time she asked for help I told her not to waste my time as she was obviously capable of doing it herself.

She’s showing up herself more than you actually.

It’s hard though isn’t it in the heat of a meeting not to feel flustered when someone asks a question trying to catch you out. I try to rationalise it and think everyone can see what they are doing - but the feeling is one of panic at the time.

"Everywhere you go......assholes."

Someone asked me an obscure question in a meeting recently where I was presenting
and I think it was designed to catch me out. Because I am a massive geek I'd done some extra research and could answer it...and he started arguing against me! Fortunately the chair basically told him to shut up given I'm the one who had done the research and he was just speculating. In his case he is like this with everyone and just has to try and prove that he knows better. I think it's an inferiority thing or insecurity and being overly concerned about what other people think of him.

It’s annoying as hell though isn’t it? Why when life is hard enough at the moment?

Another woman asked a question that felt like it was designed to catch me out. Why?
Just because you felt the question was designed to catch you out doesn't mean it was. Is there more to this? What is your relationship like with the woman?

When this happens I tend to think it’s jealousy
MN posters answer to so many questions.

Internalised misogyny

you have an innate mistrust of other women?

if that is what happened - ONE woman belittled you. Doesn't mean all women do it, or even that she did it because you are female.

there ain't no sisterhood. Why should there be?

This is the point lots of women try to take you down a peg or two by insisting you’re deluded or in fact it’s you that’s has a problem with other women, thus proving your point.

And as I said it’s internalised misogyny.

Why do you think the question was designed to catch you out?

Which is why people will try and gaslight you into believing you are deluded and can’t trust your own judgment.

well it's not really gaslighting when the OP has not actually told us what happened - more guessing - given the OP suggests it happens to her a lot maybe she's unlucky or she's reading things wring?

But you assumed she was trying to catch you out... would you care if a man challenged you in the same way?

I think this says more about you than her. I'm not trying to be catty I promise, it's just not an easy phrase to use without sounding mean!!

So in a male dominated world you don’t expect women to come together to support one another? I do and I do it to other women too.

How was it designed to catch you out?

Do you expect women you work with to give you a break in a male dominated environment just because you're a woman? That's a little odd

We boost each other

The patriarchy tricks us into competing with other women in order to zap our energies and distract us from our actual oppression. It's a win/win for the patriarchy

Once we are aware that seeing other women as rivals and tearing them down is helping the patriarchy then we can consciously choose not to do it, and to support each other but awareness comes first.

Depends on the question surely? Women are allowed to ask difficult questions, even to other women

@Greenygrape

Depends on the question surely? Women are allowed to ask difficult questions, even to other women

Nah didn't you know women asking other women questions is just a clear sign of internalised misogyny