I am with someone with depression. He's ok mostly in regards to me. He's always kind. Funny. Thoughtful. Loving. He's currently having a wobble. He's had one before that lasted a few days and then he was ok again. He wasn't unkind just defeated. Quiet. Sleepy. Less contact. He went from loving sex to not mentioning it at all.
Anyway Saturday he sent me a lovely present through the post. We chatted that afternoon. Then we had arranged a phone call before bed. But I knew he was shattered so I said shall we chat tomorrow instead. He asked if I was sure. Then off he went to sleep. Since then he's like a different person. Sunday he messaged me at teatime when he finally got up. But then he fell back to sleep. I tossed and turned all night because I just knew he wasn't ok. It was out of character.
Monday morning after no sleep I called him at 6.45. he had taken a tablet that causes drowsiness to help him sleep from the gp. He then turned his phone off without telling anyone. He was groggy. He was abit defensive when he answered the phone. I remained calm and said I'm not calling because I want attention from you. I am calling because I care that's all and you've slept for over 24 hours. I said I loved him so therefore I was going to care.. He calmed a little and admitted his was feeling horrible and down. He muddled through work then went to sleep again last night at 7pm. Normally he would call or text before sleep if we hadn't met up. But nothing.
This morning he messaged to say good morning beautiful as he often does. He said he still wasn't feeling happy and hoped a few early nights would help. Then he said he hadn't eaten for two days.
I have set a shopping slot up and told him I'll help him sort a shop out. As I understand he's not coping. He went to work today. I found myself overthinking. Can I cope with this? Can I handle this? Will this become a regular thing?
I decided to call him after work. I tried to talk about how he was feeling and ask him what I could do to help. He instantly got defensive and said what have I done wrong. Why are you acting like I've punished you. You are sulking because I haven't been speaking to you as much the last two days. One minute you're all over me like a rash the next you're like this. Then he said I'm the only person he argues with.
He just said aload of defensive stroppy things. I tried to explain to him that I have feelings too. I'm trying to be there for him. But it's so hard seeing him so sad. I told him again it is so hard for me that because of Corona I can't go to his house and make him a cuppa and be there. I said I feel useless. He said well what can you even do to help me anyway?
Because he's been ignoring his phone alot and not really communicating like normal I have been trying to respect his space and I've only sent the minimum so he knows I care.
Just before he got of the phone he said, I hate being on My phone when I'm like this. If you want to message you can. It will be on charge. I said to him. I understand you need space so you can contact me first if you fancy a chat. He reacted badly to that.
I'm just struggling. It's like he doesn't want to talk but he wants me to message. But he's making me feel like he doesn't want to message back.
His attitude is very much stuff everyone else. He's been unkind about me. He said I had too much time on my hands and I overthink. Overall just feel like he's a complete ice block at the moment.
We got off the phone and an hour later I get a text to say he loves me.
I know this is just a horrible stage. But I don't know what to not take personally. I don't know what to do. What to say. How to feel.
Anyone with depression who can perhaps translate what he's perhaps saying with these reactions? I can't seem to do the right thing.
Please only reply if you can understand this sort of thing and not to just tell me to dump him. He's a great bloke usually. This is awful seeing him so different.
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