Tradesman asking for a sandwich

[AtleastitsnotMonday]

I’ve had a tradesman working on the outside of my property today. Got here about 11.30, job was about a couple of hours worth of work. About 1200 I went out and asked if I could get him a tea or coffee. He answered “Tea, white with two please, would you be able to knock me up a cheese sandwich while your there?”
Now, admittedly I’m rubbish at saying no at the best of times and I wasn’t expecting this so obliged, even returning to check if he would like pickle/tomato etc with it.”
Dp thinks I’ve lost the plot and he was being grabby and to be honest I’ve only ever made drinks with the odd biscuit before, the only exception being when we had an extension built which was a much longer project and I outdone make them bacon sandwiches on a Friday morning if I wasn’t working.
Would you have made a sandwich?

I don't think it makes much difference if there was a support person/family member there. The support person is likely to have been becoming a father or grandmother or similar, and would have been very focussed on the woman giving birth. It is a very all consuming and unusual circumstance.

The midwife not just going to grab a glass of water or asking where she can refill her water bottle makes her sound like a total martyr to be honest.

@PigletJohn

I met an elderly gentleman who apparently used to be a professional musician.

The first thing he said to me was "I'm Hank Marvin" so I felt obliged to make him a sandwich.

My point about my friend was that she wasn't OFFERED water. It isn't up to her to go rummaging in somebody elses kitchen cupboards.
I dont think anybody expects a labouring woman to be making refreshments but perhaps the woman's birth parther might have at least offered

I suspect birth partners are somewhat distracted and anxious. I'm absent-minded and I can totally imagine not even thinking about this.

On the other hand, making myself a drink would probably be the catalyst to ask if she wanted one. Though I can go a whole daytime without drinking* myself, so even that might not work!
*(and yes, I know that's really unhealthy)

It would genuinely never occur to my husband to offer a traderperson tea or coffee, and yet it's the first thing I do. DH does love to cook and host for his family, so it's not he's not generous. I do think there is a gender expectation that women offer tea.

@HoppingPavlova

Oh you cannot be serious.

Oh, yeah very much so and can’t believe taking a water bottle like so many others do is such an imposition?

Why though?

Do you take your water bottle to everyone's house you visit?

The woman is going to be dealing with the business end for god sake but she'd better not touch a glass.

Tea, coffee fine, no problem. All tradesmen working at ours brought their own packed lunch and sat in their vans if a long job. Guess he may have had a row that morning with his other half and got no packed lunch given to him. Next time direct him to the local corner shop to buy sandwich for humself or direct to chip shop. As presume they open?.

He might be struggling, have a hungry family at home waiting for his casual wages. He might have been to another job before yours and ate his lunch early. Who knows these days. I’ve never been asked before but times have changed. PS I always ply my workers with food and drinks.
It’s not a big ask.

But it WAS a big ask - not so much the value of the food, but the SERVICE. He didn't ask politely, either - he presumed. That's why he was offensive.

Hell, no - not a sodding chance! What an unbelievable cheek! I've never provided any more than tea, coffee & cheap biscuits for all day tradesmen like builders or kitchen fitters etc. Someone doing a job for just a couple of hours would get 1 cuppa & that'd be it!

Cheeky sod.

32Tzimi

'@Devora13 That's just mean! He'd then be entitled to add the cost of petrol to get to your house onto his bill, as well as the cost of hurting his feelings.'

Er, no. Do you live in the real world?
What happens is, people give you a quote for their work listing what they are doing and how much it will cost.
You pay it if they meet their contractual obligations.
Hurt feelings are not a coated extra.

But actually, I am very much with the "would he have asked a man' comments.
I might have said 'Sorry, just rushing off to a meeting. Maybe ask my husband, he's working from home too '

@Devora13 Ah, so you're one of these people who's always "in a meeting" whenever it suits them

Yes a bit cheeky, but I wouldn't have minded.

10:14Tzimi

@Devora13 Ah, so you're one of these people who's always "in a meeting" whenever it suits them.

Often though I actually am. When I am not doing 24/7 caring I am doing one of my other two jobs, which involves a lot of Zoom or Teams meetings at the moment.
So I would probably also be a bit annoyed that someone should think that I had time to take out of my work to make them a sandwich so that they didn't have to take time out of their work.

[quote Tzimi]@Devora13 Ah, so you're one of these people who's always "in a meeting" whenever it suits them [/quote]
I must be "one of those people too".

What with wfh, I tend to assume that anyone at home is likely to be at work these days...

tbh there are too many man-pleasers on this thread. Its like some 1950s sitcom, hearing about how much they would run around making food for all these men. Even in my first graduate job, one of the senior men in another team asked me to make him a cup of tea in my first inter-departmental meeting. Just him, no-one else. I just old him I wouldn't be doing it because I wasn't here for that. He was quite taken aback. Can't say it did anything but good for my career in that place as I relayed the tale many times over the years and he ended up being regarded as a bit of a dinosaur and a laughing stock.

Well said, Devora13.

MIL secretly hates the fact that I don't make any cups of tea or coffee at home and DH makes them all. He's better! His brews are bloody amazing. Mine are just okay. MIL's are a crime against hot drinks. So I can imagine MIL would be running round after precious little menfolk, making sure they needed or wanted nothing. FIL does nothing and hasn't even been inside a food shop since maybe the 80's (I kid you not. Maybe even longer than that.)

@Devora13 I often don't believe people when they say they're in a meeting, as it's often a ploy to fob me off! In my last job, a colleague told me my boss was in a meeting & couldn't come to the phone. I went up to his office immediately and, lo & behold, he was sitting at his desk by himself, obviously not in any meeting! He was really embarrassed..

Do you take your water bottle to everyone's house you visit? The woman is going to be dealing with the business end for god sake but she'd better not touch a glass.

Do you enjoy being obtuse? The woman deals with the business end with a pair of gloves. To say she is sticking her hands around a woman giving birth complete with fluids etc so wouldn’t mind taking a chance on a sub-par kitchen or questionable glass/cup is ridiculous. For hygiene sake, for both parties, she wears gloves. Common sense would tell her, for hygiene sake to take a water bottle in case she’s not comfortable with general hygiene in the home.

I’m not a midwife and I don’t do patient visits at home, but if I did then of course I would take a water bottle. It’s plain common sense, especially for a midwife where the visit may be several hours.

If I go to someone’s house I don’t know and would be staying past 30mins (pretty rare as I’ve got no real call to do so) then yes, I would have a water bottle on me, and an emergency packaged snack I could have on exit when getting in car, what’s weird about that?

Seems a bit cheeky, but I know a lot of people are struggling.
I consider myself lucky to still be working when so many are in difficulty and relying on food banks.
I can afford the extra food, and I couldn't begrudge someone a sandwich. I would rather be taken for a ride than risk turning someone away in genuine need.
I'm trying to be more charitable these days.

@Suzy1967

I consider myself lucky to still be working when so many are in difficulty and relying on food banks

But this tradesman is working at OP's house? He hasn't gone to a food bank for food

@Misophonia

He might be struggling, have a hungry family at home waiting for his casual wages. He might have been to another job before yours and ate his lunch early. Who knows these days. I’ve never been asked before but times have changed. PS I always ply my workers with food and drinks. It’s not a big ask.

If he ate his lunch early, he's only got himself to blame if he's hungry again.

Would any of you DEMAND your employer make them their lunch? Thought not.

@HoppingPavlova

Do you take your water bottle to everyone's house you visit? The woman is going to be dealing with the business end for god sake but she'd better not touch a glass.

Do you enjoy being obtuse? The woman deals with the business end with a pair of gloves. To say she is sticking her hands around a woman giving birth complete with fluids etc so wouldn’t mind taking a chance on a sub-par kitchen or questionable glass/cup is ridiculous. For hygiene sake, for both parties, she wears gloves. Common sense would tell her, for hygiene sake to take a water bottle in case she’s not comfortable with general hygiene in the home.

I’m not a midwife and I don’t do patient visits at home, but if I did then of course I would take a water bottle. It’s plain common sense, especially for a midwife where the visit may be several hours.

If I go to someone’s house I don’t know and would be staying past 30mins (pretty rare as I’ve got no real call to do so) then yes, I would have a water bottle on me, and an emergency packaged snack I could have on exit when getting in car, what’s weird about that?

No...

But I think it's beyond weird that you think a midwife would be thinking oh I best not drink out that glass in case it's not hygienic. Utterly weird.