the 'secret weapon down my pants'

[warmandtoasty2day]

advert in the gym, secret weapon is tena lady pads, ffs just fuck right off with your secret fucking weapon.
makes me feel like through the telly out of the window and smashing it up with a lump hammer !
what ads make you feel stabby ?

The "What would you do for love?" perfume woman. I would give you a poke on the nose you sulky little madame. Try jumping into the sea off the end of Southend Pier in your white ballgown, see where that gets you.

The one I don't get is Owen Wilson (or any other Hollywood star like Robert de Niro, George Clooney etc) in some stupid advert.

Do you really think I'm that dumb that I think Owen Wilson would ever buy a Sofology sofa, that Robert de Niro would be a Nero (sp?) car or that George Clooney would drink fecking Nespresso. No, it just makes me feel like they have sold out.

Some of the perfume ones also annoy me - like the Flashing Lights J'Adore Dior perfume one - I don't fecking care!!!

Also - actually who were the ones who did the banking/building society checking in with people - I'm sure Ant and bloody Dec did one of these - as someone else said - they're all nicey nicey to you until you miss a mortgage payment, lose your job and can't pay bills etc! So why the feck were they suddenly being 'caring' due to Covid 19?!

Garnier Nutrisse with Davina, Holly Willoughbooby etc - yeah right like they use a box dye on their hair. Smug gits.

@fourquenelles

The "What would you do for love?" perfume woman. I would give you a poke on the nose you sulky little madame. Try jumping into the sea off the end of Southend Pier in your white ballgown, see where that gets you.

Miss Dior woman?! oooh harsh! but true!

@Curlygirl06

The advert for mortgage/ loan company, sounds like Haribo but it's not that? Screaming voices, green gunge everywhere, just why? Ooh just remembered -Habito. Why? Just why?

And on a picky note, at the end of several cosmetic/ face cream/ some other shit product they always say 78 % of people sampled like this, number of people sampled being 115. Now call me picky ( worked in finance and accounts for years!) but 78% of 115 is 89.7. Ever seen .7 of a person? That's just an example by the way. If they said nearly 78% that would be fine but they don't! Have a look next time and do the maths, it drives me mad.

Speaking of being picky about the maths, a real bugbear of mine is when the box give nutritional info per (say) 200g serving - when a) the net weight of the product is 575g, so someone gets short changed and b) 200g is nowhere near a respectable portion size! Why do they do this? Why???

Freddie and his fucking overpriced flowers. YouTube shows me the ad constantly.

I like the hey car one where the guy mimes to the song "sometimes I get a good feeling, yeah"

That advert for life-insurance where a father is watching old home-movies of himself as a child while his son sits next to him apparently having some sort of bad acting-induced fit whilst gurning and moaning "nice hat dad."

@NoOneOwnsTheRainbow

When I was in the States, there would be adverts like this:

Do you have tiredness, bloating, depression and nausea?
You could have Ebola!
Ask your doctor for Ebola-b-gone!
Ebola-b-gone can help you manage your symptoms.

"I felt bloated all the time, then I took Ebola-b-gone, and now my Ebola is gone. Thanks Ebola-b-gone."

(then in a lower, faster voice)
Ebola-b-gone may cause constipation, diarrhea, heart arrythmia, Crohn's disease, AIDS, itchy sock syndrome and psychosis. Always read the label. May cause you to sneeze your internal organs out through your nose.

I absolutely hate that these ads encourage people to self-diagnose (based on really common symptoms) with major, really serious diseases to sell pharmaceuticals. I mentioned it to one of my friends over there and she couldn't even see what was wrong with these adverts.

That made me laugh so much I almost deployed "the secret weapon down my pants.

they're all nicey nicey to you until you miss a mortgage payment, lose your job and can't pay bills etc! So why the feck were they suddenly being 'caring' due to Covid 19?!

Absolutely! Also we all bailed out their financial mismanagement 12 years ago and have lived in a low wage economy with depressed wages ever since. It was on the news, people! We all watched it! Fuck off are they our friends. They cost us fucking billions. Fuck off with the horses on the beach and all that shit. Give us our fucking money back, you bastards.

Aherm.

@SusannaSpider

I didn't realise Oral B made toothpaste

Seriously Oral B, what the hell did you think people thought you made?

I remember when there was no such thing as Oral B. But when they started trading in Britain, they were known for selling electric toothbrushes, which were a new thing. And AFAIK not selling toothpaste.

So I suppose Oral B think that people still think that Oral B only make electric toothbrushes. Clearly this is outdated thinking on their part.

Also, why do both of the women on that advert (ie fridge woman and dentist woman) use the same box hair dye? Is this a benign movement or something more sinister?

I want to punch fridge woman until she has no teeth left to look after.
Is this unreasonable 🤷‍♂️

@MrsMouse03

I like the hey car one where the guy mimes to the song "sometimes I get a good feeling, yeah"

Yea I like that one too - he is such a hairy-faced mucker and sings so sweetly!

Holly and Davina dying their hair at home. Of course this happened.

The Lily Singh one, when she talks about Re inol without pronouncing the t drives me mad. Pronounce the fucking T Lily!

I keep meaning to google Lily Singh as I wondered if she was someone we are supposed to know.

DH says the Oral B woman must have a mouth full of veneers if she got to whatever age she is without knowing how to use toothpaste, the mucky cow!

I also like the Fixodent one with the lady walking on the dentures- there’s a little disclaimer at the bottom that says ‘visualisation’ in case you thought they’d found a 1 inch lady to climb inside a mouth, obviously.

The toothpaste advert with the red haired woman with teeth like a cart horse.

@MH1111

I want to punch fridge woman until she has no teeth left to look after. Is this unreasonable 🤷‍♂️

No YADNBU! She's irritating as F*ck.

I'm wondering if she's been cast for being punchable so we're remember the daft bint. Still the model/actress who does this advert probably knows it's a stupid script but hey she's gotta do it!

@JohnBarron

Holly and Davina dying their hair at home. Of course this happened.

I have it on fairly good authority not necessarily these two but a 'celeb' hairstylist/salon will still do colour jobs - maybe when a salon is closed, in their own homes etc.

Holly's hair looks so yellow/brassy though - like a high class hooker.

The Charlotte Tilbury ads. Good god. At first I was like who the hell is doing this terrible voice over, it's like a year 7 media project with bad audio. I then realised it's Charlotte Tilbury doing the voice. Someone in her team should've told her she isn't not a voice over artist.

@Countrywalking

The Charlotte Tilbury ads. Good god. At first I was like who the hell is doing this terrible voice over, it's like a year 7 media project with bad audio. I then realised it's Charlotte Tilbury doing the voice. Someone in her team should've told her she isn't not a voice over artist.

Yes, the voice choice isn't the best is it?!

FWIW, if you're at all bothered (and you might be) by bullying in the beauty world - research CT - apparently rife there and in other beauty companies.

Ah so this is how she got the voice over gig, no one was brave enough to tell her.

The Australians also weaponised DryNites as a “secret weapon”.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=K5GKSz3Yjbw

Again, no suggestion that the kid should cut out blackcurrent and artificial sweeteners!

I think there should be a law that all ads for these should suggest cutting out black current and artificially sweetened squash as doing so was an overnight cure for both DD’s bed wetting.

Ditto incontinence pad ads should recommend pelvic floor exercises (saved me from the Tenas after DD2).

Sorry if I seem a bit evangelical but the ads attitude just seems to be “let it flow and don’t worry because we have a product for
that” when really there are ways to sort it for many if not most people.