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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No wedding cards

65 replies

Dasher789 · 17/01/2021 02:56

Thanks to covid, our planned wedding was a 2020 casualty. Dh and i instead, had a very small wedding of 5 people in line with the rules at the time. Not one friend on DH side ever sent a card congratulating us. DH says i shouldn't think anything of it as 'men are not good at remembering that type of thing' and that they would have given one if they had been there. I am not looking for presents or money, I just think it would have been nice to receive a card. AIBU to be upset by this?

OP posts:

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 17/01/2021 12:30

For important events some people think cards are nice to mark the occasion. I think I'd be a bit upset in the OP's situation.

And thats your view. It wouldn't even cross my mind.

SaltyTootsieToes · 17/01/2021 12:41

YANBU to feel hurt but it’s true, men often don’t think about getting cards if they’re not going to see you/attend the event. While yes, there may be some men who will go in line and order a card during pandemic, it’s not many (even pre-covid).

Did they text or message congratulations in another way? That may have been enough for them.

You may find that after covid is settled and we can mingle again, have celebratory parties and you host something, you’ll get the wedding cards.

Congratulations on your marriage.

MatildaTheCat · 17/01/2021 12:47

Your DH is right, men are much less likely to send cards than women. I send and receive cards for all the usual occasions and very rarely are the cards I receive written by men.

Having said that although I’m a very conscientious sender of cards, when a friend eloped and had a secret wedding I did forget to send a card initially but remembered about a week later.

Congratulations anyway. I’m sure they all wish you well even if they didn’t get round to writing it down.

scubadub · 17/01/2021 12:49

Yabu I don't send cards for anything OP. I hate the whole card thing...I think it's a big racket. I will call/text/email someone to wish them well these days.

autumnalrain · 17/01/2021 13:23

My friends and I never give cards to one another, even on birthdays. I'm late 20's so maybe its an older generation thing. So perhaps they didn't send you a card because of that? I wouldn't take it personally

KarmaStar · 17/01/2021 13:27

Sorry but yabu,there's a pandemic,people's lives are completely different,very very few in a positive way,millions are struggling.
You did get married which was your wish,count your blessings and stop being precious about a card you didn't get.

whyarentiskinnyet · 17/01/2021 13:36

I do think its sad, I was meant to attend a wedding last year and sent a card, flowers and chocolates to help them mark the day that they were not able to have, they received al ot of other cards, flowers and gifts too which I think is lovely, for them it helped make what could have been (and probably was) quite a sad day into one of a bit more celebration with people acknowledging it rather than ignoring. It was only a small gesture and I'll stil buy a wedding gift when the new date comes around. It's a nice thing to do and I understand why you'd be upset.

Original poster

Dasher789 · 17/01/2021 13:38

@Plump82

I also got married last year and we also never got anything from my husbands side. I wasn't expecting to. Not sure why! But i understand why you're upset. What upset me was the company I work for (for nearly 20 years) didn't even bother with a card. When I think back to the amount of presents I have contributed to over the years and how much i know was raised for the last person to be married, it really upset me. I don't know if its because im working from home and it was out of sight out of mind but still!

Congratulations! I was upset by this too. I work in an exclusively male team so its usually me who arranges the whip round when someone has a child or notable event. It makes me feel like I shouldn't bother as people obviously don't care enough to reciprocate but I will continue on and treat others as I would hope to be treated...

OP posts:

VestaTilley · 17/01/2021 13:41

YABU I’m afraid. Yes, it would’ve been nice, but people have A LOT going on right now.

Was it no cards from the guests or from other friends who couldn’t attend? Guests should have given a card but I wouldn’t expect one from others, and in the circumstances of lockdowns and restrictions on shopping I wouldn’t give it a moment’s more thought.

Original poster

Dasher789 · 17/01/2021 13:47

@Etinox

Will you have a party when this is all over?

Unlikely. The original wedding was last May when weddings were banned, then pushed out to August when we had no idea this would go on so long which was cancelled and then we went ahead with smaller numbers in October. We had loosely booked a party in April as our wedding and honeymoon was paid for so cancelling would mean we won't get everything back. We haven't invited anyone to April as we weren't 100% whether it would go ahead and it seems unlikely now but if we can get 50 people we will go for it. Beyond April, I just feel like it would be bordering on ridiculous to try again. We are married which is the most important thing. After a year of trying to reschedule, I feel like that may be the time to admit celebratory defeat lol! Our Honeymoon was reschedule to the beginning of May. We will probably get to go by then id think but its a shame as we are not really exotic holiday people so it will probably be the only luxury holiday I ever go on. We will obviously make the best of it but its not how we would have wanted it.

OP posts:

Toomuch2019 · 17/01/2021 13:47

YANBU OP, I think given you have had to change plans because of Covid it would have been a nice sentiment to send you a card at least

Original poster

Dasher789 · 17/01/2021 13:58

Thanks everyone. I feel a lot better overall thinking its fair to be a bit miffed but as I say, not letting this dampen my spirits and I will try to rise above it and continue to send cards, whether they are appreciated or not...

OP posts:

daisyjgrey · 17/01/2021 23:25

@Changethetoner

Wedding cards are not essential purchases, and as there's a pandemic on, your friends and relatives have been staying at home, as per government rules. Congratulations on getting married.

Have you really not bought anyone a birthday card or present etc for the entire duration of the pandemic?!

daisyjgrey · 17/01/2021 23:26

I'd have sent a card, in their position. And probably flowers or something to mark it.

ChickenPot · 17/01/2021 23:53

Congrats OP! Hope you and your DH have many happy, loving years together

I'm quite surprised by some of these replies.

In my eyes, If you're invited (originally) to someone's wedding it surely means you're a close enough friend/relative that they wanted you there to celebrate with them. I honestly couldn't imagine not sending a card to one of my close friends if they chose to still get married within the restrictions and therefore had to cut the guest list. Getting married is huge life event, and I'd be delighted for them and want to send my congratulations. If a friend of mine has a baby, I send a card and present, even though I wasn't invited to the labour (that's a joke btw).
But same idea in that it's a huge life event, so I'd be over the moon for them and they'd deserve a little fuss about it in my opinion. I don't need anything back from the exchange, like someone else said, I don't pay to go to weddings, I pay for a gift/card to show my love for the couple.

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