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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shopping alone during lock down

296 replies

AnxiousSM · 16/01/2021 16:59

This applies to the current lockdown not in general.
Why can’t people shop alone? The only exception to this would be a parent with a child they don’t have childcare for. Zero excuse for family outings to the supermarket. If you have to be driven then can’t partner stay in the car?
All this bollocks about being unable to shop alone, there’s no reasonable excuse.

OP posts:
Notyourcat · 17/01/2021 09:56

Shiny Totally agree- I usually go alone but while DH is away there is the possibility that I won’t be able to carry everything back from Aldi. I’ve booked a delivery slot but we seem to run out of things quickly. Anyway, as it he is have said, people find loopholes or spurious reasons to go with someone. It’s not my place to judge though so I say nothing.

dontdisturbmenow · 17/01/2021 10:18

The best I had was a youngish couple 2ho stood in front of the eggs and had a 2mns debate on which brand they should get, lifting some, putting them back, starting to walk away, coming back and debating some more whilst more and more people were waiting, trying to stay 2m away to quickly grab some eggs.

They were totally oblivious!

SleepingStandingUp · 17/01/2021 10:22

@NoWordForFluffy

I would certainly feel like I'd made a poor choice of life partner if he couldn't go shopping alone!
Quite.

We normally get a delivery slot but if we have to do an emergency shop is usually me. I need to get it more than he does. He's equally capable of looking after 3 kids at home. If I didn't go, he's equally capable of walking round a ship, looking at labels and using a checkout.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 17/01/2021 10:28

I wonder if that partner shopping issue is that the partner is that useless or if it's about specifications and control issues. "He bought wrong brand last time so I have to shop too" after writing "eggs" with no brand specifications on a shopping list.

Bathroom12345 · 17/01/2021 10:42

Here it is again. I want to take my teens, husband, various members of my family to the SM for MH reasons.......

FrameyMcFrame · 17/01/2021 11:33

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

Thanks.

I don't think it's safe to leave an 11 year old alone because if something went wrong I'd be legally culpable

Rosebel · 17/01/2021 11:51

@withlotsoflove

Another one:😂😡 “Give me one of those things you put on!” Me: A sunflower lanyard?” Customer: “ Yeah l want it for my friends Granddaughter!” We have countless people keeping them in their glove compartment for shopping trips! We know these customers & they have never shown any additional needs / especially not autism previously... So l remind her that these are for people with additional needs ( in any form) people that need extra help or consideration. They are for people with autism etc.... Customer looking blank: “Er ... she has needs“ not even understanding why she was even there! So.... we used to have massive bundles of these lanyards. We regularly get down to 2. This is the situation. These are are people that will literally do anything to avoid a mask : do things the way it’s required at the moment.
Just because they haven't shown any signs of autism or other special needs doesn't mean they are lying. You probably wouldn't think my daughter is autistic but I can assure you you would know if you tried to get her to wear a mask. I don't take her shopping though `(and she has her own lanyard) but it's really judgemental to say you know they don't have special needs (when you don't). I know its shit working in retail (I do it myself), I know some customers lie and some act like assholes but it doesn't mean they are all lying.
withlotsoflove · 17/01/2021 13:43

I also used to work with children with autism.
You’ll have to take it from me that these were just ordinary shoppers previously.
I am the least judgmental person / but people that lie make it harder for people with genuine additional needs to be helped and looked after.
I’m well aware that autism & other needs are invisible.... it l live in a very small town. We know. Wink

withlotsoflove · 17/01/2021 13:44

My comment is to @Rosebel

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 18/01/2021 04:03

[quote FrameyMcFrame]@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

Thanks.

I don't think it's safe to leave an 11 year old alone because if something went wrong I'd be legally culpable

[/quote]
@FrameyMcFrame

Obviously it's your choice when he's ready to be left at home, but this is from the Govt Website

The law on leaving your child on their own
^The law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.
Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car^

An NT 11 yo at home alone, is not placing them 'at risk'. A 2 yo yes.

The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
children under 16 should not be left alone overnight
babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone
Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.

A hour or two is not 'a long period of time'

Legally you would be fine, but obviously it's up to you when you think he's ready, but y7 children often walk/bus to/from school on their own & are at home alone until a parent gets gone & often home alone in the holidays.

An hour when you go shopping really isn't long.

But obviously your child, your choice, but I would not be very surprised to get 'looks' from people in the supermarket.

Look after yourself x

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 18/01/2021 04:22

@HexWitch

No, *@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants* it is NOBODIES business in irl or on MN.
When you are putting other people's lives at risk it's everybody's business
DitherFlicker · 18/01/2021 09:16

I truly hope there is a thread like this every day. If each thread makes two or three households review their behaviour, it is all to the good and making a tiny contribution.

Posters like the one below, or those taking teens for 'sweet runs', or 'browsing magazines' or not wanting to feed their DC 'from the bottom of the freezer' for one meal etc should watch the tearful, stressed frontline nurses and doctors on the news. They are exhausted, cannot sleep, struggling with PTSD. Actions like yours are directly contributing to this.

The more tiny modifications we can make, the sooner this will be over, for them and us.

^17:26Newmama29

Oh god forbid, me an adult, chooses to do what I like without the pandemic police having their input. It’s not against “the rules”, therefore mind your own business^

SchrodingersImmigrant · 18/01/2021 09:48

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants but obviously it's up to you when you think he's ready, but y7 children often walk/bus to/from school on their own & are at home alone until a parent gets gone & often home alone in the holidays

We grew up like this from much younger. The set up in UK actively stops one parent working unless they hire childcare. It's ridiculous. If taught what to do, most nt kids can stay at home for few hours alone after school. Kids walk to school by themselves from about 6 where I am from. Both oarents can work. If anything happened we run to the neighbours.

HexWitch · 18/01/2021 11:02

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants if we're wearing masks and hand sanitising and social distancing, how are we putting anyone at risk? Unless of course you're saying those measures don't make any difference?

I'm in retail btw, and if families feel like bringing their children along responsibly for whatever reason, then that's neither my business nor yours.

ThePricklySheep · 18/01/2021 11:22

@FrameyMcFrame
But you’d be legally culpable till they’re, what, 16? Smile
When do you feel happy leaving them? It’s quite normal to start leaving them for half an hour at ten, then an hour or two at 11.

tatutata · 18/01/2021 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LuaDipa · 18/01/2021 11:32

@2020iscancelled

In theory you’re not wrong - those who can shop alone probably (should) do it alone.

But the fact is you do not know the many many many many many (get my point?) reasons why they are not shopping alone.

The second fact is that it’s no ones business but the person shopping.

It is not yours nor anyone else’s business to enquire or wonder or give the side eye or snarky comments just out of ear shot.

Same as the mask police.

It’s simply not possible to know why someone is doing what they are doing, end of.

Absolutely.

You don’t need to assume the worst all the time, there are lots of potential reasons for not shopping alone. Just be thankful that none of them apply to you and you can shop alone so no one can start a disapproving thread about you.

plg21 · 18/01/2021 11:35

I let my 10/11 year old son take the Tube to school on occasions, as I did at his age. It seems less of a leap of faith than when I was a child and there weren't mobile phones to keep tabs on where they are.

I definitely had more freedom roaming around and staying at home without my parents when I was a child. I think we've become more nervous about leaving kids at home than my parents' generation.

Doodallysally · 18/01/2021 11:35

I shop with my partner because we don't have a car and frankly I can't carry all the shopping back myself - far too heavy!

2pinkginsplease · 18/01/2021 11:37

I hate shopping myself as at present we are shopping for our household, my mum and also my mil. That is 3 different households, so we either go together and we split the shopping or I have to go 3 times which defeats the purpose of staying home and only going out for essentials.

I don’t see the problem with 2 people shopping together, it’s when there’s a full family shopping then it’s ridiculous!

steppemum · 18/01/2021 11:40

@Newmama29

I’m a FTM with a baby not big enough to sit in a trolley. I try to shop with my mum when I can as I can’t push a pram & a trolley & I don’t have a car seat that comes out the car (joie 360 spin). My partner works away so he can’t always go for us. I think people need to stop judging others all the time & focus on their own lives, you don’t know people’s circumstances
umm... baby trolley seats available in all supermarkets? Useable from birth?

Or - online shop?

withlotsoflove · 18/01/2021 12:08

@Doodallysally

I shop with my partner because we don't have a car and frankly I can't carry all the shopping back myself - far too heavy!
Fine. Your partner can wait outside. Confused
Thenosleepclub · 18/01/2021 12:51

Oh do FO @DitherFlicker

I meal plan, I go shopping one a week, maximum, usually once every 10 days. If I run out of milk or bread on day 5 of my DHs shifts, because he is one of the exact workers you are talking about, I'm supposed to either...
Leave my 2 under 5 kids home alone.
Feed them what little food we have left.
Join a support bubble just to go shopping once a week.
Or just SAFELY take them to the supermarket, in the trolley at all times.

Yes. Yes clearly this is how it's spreading.
Just stop the judgement.

LagunaBubbles · 18/01/2021 13:03

Outside of lockdown who really cares? Never cease to amaze me what done Mnetters get het up about. I'm perfectly capable of shopping alone, but if I'm out with DH, we will often stop at the supermarket and shop together. Big deal.

LagunaBubbles · 18/01/2021 13:05

Fine. Your partner can wait outside

Why though?

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