To ask for your amusing toddler speech stories?

[Fieldings15]

I'm sure this has been done many times before on here, but it's pissing with rain and lockdown so we need something to make us smile! My 22 month old is learning to talk and the latest thing is when he's trying to say clock, sock or truck, he says cock. Me and dh find this pretty funny (not getting out much clearly!). What are your stories from this glorious stage?

My eldest had many- cock (clock) as yours, dick (stick) and my personal favourite 'shortcunt' (shortcut). He also went through a phase of insisting that Mr Bump's name was actually Mr fucklet fucklet

Mr Tumble is Pumpung
Fingers are gong gongs
Donkeys are dongs...

My middle one took to calling escalators alligators. We still call them that now and she's 12!

We had a 'thank you' which sounded remarkably like fuck you.

DS used to say fork and knife rather than knife and fork... Out for lunch when he was almost 2, we had ordered two meals and nothing for DS thinking he would just share off our plates. So the waitress only brought two sets of cutlery. DS watched her put a set for me and a set for his Dad, and when she didn’t give a set to him he said very loudly “where’s my fockin knife?”

Ahaha those are hillarious @Fieldings15 @PuffinFeatures

Have a 2.3 year old DS and these are some of the things he has come out with in the last 6 months or so:

Calling birds and my sister 'Bitches' one fine day he was asking for my sister and said 'Where's bitch?'

Pissik- Biscuit and Sippy Cup

Took his shoes and socks off when we were in town one day, sniffed his toes and said urgh yucky.

We were sitting in the car one day waiting for DH to come out of a shop and a young teenage boy walked past talking on his phone saying, 'I gotta make some p's' and DS just copied him out of nowhere. It was hillarious.

Putting his hand in his pooey nappy and saying poo poo chocolate

My DD is 2 and has good speech most of the time but Calpol is pronounced very clearly as cow poo!

DD was great for these! She was in a paw patrol phase and would pronounce 'Marshall' as 'arsehole' which was fine, aside from the time my DM booked us sunday lunch at a very NAICE restaurant and DD kept repeating it loudly. A flag was a 'hag' and grass was 'arse'.

She's 5 now and we miss all of her mispronunciation. Although she still calls our contact lenses "Tom cat lenses".

When my daughter tried to say felt tip pens, it came out as f11cking pens. So our mates encouraged her 🙄
Milk was "buck* so buckake was milkshake
Both star and key was" geesey"
Up meant up or down depending on the context.
If she wanted putting down, up meant down and if she wanted picking up, up meant up 😅
Her speech is great now but she really struggles with any accents. Luckily I don't.

My godson was due to have his first taste session at school a few years ago. His mum woke really poorly and was so worried what she was going to do, so I offered to take him so he wouldn’t miss out as it was really important to her.

Sitting at a table doing play doh, his teacher calls his name for me to go and collect his paperwork bits. I go up, only gone for a minute or so and come back and getting very funny looks from the other mums. One tells me in disgust that they’ve all made play doh creatures and named them, and my godson named his ‘Mr Crap Bag’. I was mortified and no idea where he got that phrase from until I asked him myself. He’d put crab pincers on the side of it and was actually saying ‘Mr Crab Hands’. I felt awful when I dropped him home and had to explain to his Mum the first impression wasn’t great Thankfully he settled in very well and has been there a few years now and no one remembers Mr Crap Bag

Haha these are making me laugh! My friend's little girl pointed at a photo on the wall of her mum and said 'bitch' - turns out she was actually trying to say picture

She used to call spiders “cybers” and got the letters the wrong way round when she had pins and needles so she would say say “nins and peedles!” So cute.

Dd1 once called me a loony tit.
Dh was creased up laughing. She meant lunatic! No idea where she had heard the word.

My DS couldnt pronounce the o in count. When he was learning to count, we would go somewhere and he would stay "let's c_nt the steps mummy"

He also used to play with one car in his garage which sounded suspiciously like wanker.
We also used to have dicks (sticks) gipping (skipping) and frousers (trousers)

My 2 year old called popcorn 'cock porn' this morning

DD is 18 months and pronounces “bye” with a D.
So she cheerfully waves people off, shouting “Die! Die!”

Stick man is 'dick man' to my ds.

My friend's toddler tried to say 'daddy's giant cloth' (they were looking at buying a bigger table cloth) but instead shouted 'daddy's giant cock'!

Mine yelled for cockporn in the supermarket one day. Popcorn.

When DD was 2, she pronounced the Eiffel Tower as the Awful Tower!

My youngest being delighted at mastering the word fork in a restaurant, repeatedly saying fuck very loudly.

Ds shouting “cock” at a big clock on the wall in Sainsbury’s. Got a few funny looks that day. He also used to call the central locking on my car the “socker locker.”
DD used to call biscuits “fuzzies” no idea where that one came from.

Mine had a bath toy in shape of an octopus, which had pouring cups etc.

Health visitor was round, and asked her what her favourite thing to do was. “Go in bath and play the Cock Pussy Wee-wee game with Daddy”.

DS was a little late to talk and couldn't say 'tr'. At his health visiting appointment I was asking the HV if he was classes as a late talker etc at which point he picked up the toy truck they'd given him.and was just shouting Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! over and over.. the HV and I were in stitches

We arrived at my dad’s house the other day to post something through the door. DD ran off into the garden to find him, and came running back out yelling something about ‘Grandad got cock in arse’....turns out he was on his mower, cutting the grass...

Driving up to the petrol pay window when DS was about 2.

He got very animated/excited, pointed and screamed at the window/ server “BAD CUNT!!”

Obviously it wasn’t that but we could never work out what he meant. It was very funny him repeating it more and more annoyed that we didn’t understand.