27 and first baby!

jenniferann232 · 2021-01-15T22:36:26+00:00

Right so one of my school friends has announced she is pregnant. We’re 27. Several people from school have children and more are having them all the time. This girl has bought a house and has been married for well over 5 years. Lots of people obviously congratulating them but I spoke to my other friend and my mum yesterday and mentioned it to them and my mum went silent, my friend was horrified So why are people judging? We’re 27 for gods sake. One minute my mum wants me to have a baby the next minute people are saying it’s too young. Yet I bet post-30 they’re the opposite. I wanted a baby in a couple of years (I’m getting married this year and we’ve bought a house) but don’t want people saying I’m too young at 29?! Seems like you can never do anything right

SpongebobNoPants · 15/01/2021 22:37

What? 27 isn’t young?!

Aquamarine1029 · 15/01/2021 22:38

Your friend is "horrified" that a 27 year old woman is having a baby? I take it she's quite daft and a massive drama llama. Is she always so ridiculous?

Concernedmother67 · 15/01/2021 22:38

There seems to be a very narrow window for when is acceptable to have children. If she’s happy and it sounds like the baby will be brought up in a stable environment

EileenGC · 15/01/2021 22:51

My DM had me at 27. Her DSIS (9 years older) had her first at 22. Their DM (my DGM) would ask my DM every week from the age of 22 when was she having children. Then my DM calls her to say she was pregnant with me, and my DGM went on to give a 30-min lecture on how irresponsible my DM had been and how she was throwing away her life. DM had been married 3 years and had a stable job.

There will always be someone judging, no matter your age.

BlueThistles · 15/01/2021 23:20

nobody's business ... congratulations to her and her husband 🎉

Dalooah · 16/01/2021 03:23

Your horrified friend is being incredibly immature and is probably still seeing your friendship group as though their still 18 and just out of school.

You friend needs to grow up. My mum had 4 children before she was 30, her first at 23. Things are being pushed back later in our generation, but still incredibly acceptable to have children at 27! I personally don't think it's age that determines whether you're too young or too old but rather someone's life situation- financially stable, stable relationship etc etc.

You will not be too young at 29 and keep in mind that women who are pregnant after 35 are considered higher risk as they are 'geriatric pregnancies'- 35 is hardly old but closer to the pointy end of a woman's fertile years.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/01/2021 03:29

I had my children at 24 and 26. I guess your friend would have a proper thrombo over that.

BlueThistles · 16/01/2021 03:31

Who made your friend Judge and Jury anyway 🤔

MaverickDanger · 16/01/2021 03:42

My family were apparently shocked when I announced I was pregnant.

This is despite me being 30, married for 3 years, with DH for 10 years with a good job that I’ve been in for 2 years and us owning a four bedroom house

People have ideas about what you should do & it freaks them out if you don’t fit to it. For family, sometimes I think they have a mental image of us that stops at about 14.

TopBants · 16/01/2021 03:54

I had mine at 27 and 29 as planned. It's a fine age to have babies. I do think it's a weird sort of no-mans land though. My friends who didn't go to uni has theirs earlier, in the 20-25 range, while those who did go to uni didn't start having theirs until post thirty. I was the only one of my friendship group to have a baby at 27, and one of the youngest in my NCT group.

MummaBear4321 · 16/01/2021 04:18

I had my first at 27, and my second at 29. DD2 is only 10 weeks old (I am awake feeding her now). When I told my friend I was pregnant with DD1 the very first thing she asked was 'why are you throwing your 20s away. Such a waste!'. I had been married a year, had bought a house, had my career. It shouldn't have been a shock. Some people are just so judgemental and, like a PP said, there is this narrow window from about 32 to 33 where it's acceptable to many to have a kid. Its bull.

Congratulate her, tell her people are tw**s, show excitement for her. It will mean a lot.

osnapitzchloe · 16/01/2021 04:26

I've just recently given birth and I'm 20! I'm not immature for my age, live in a nice area, my own home, engaged, both of us have good jobs with a decent wage. I didn't expect to become a Mum this young but I'm a bloody good one if I do say so myself! I really think that age isn't relevant, everyone has to be a first time Mum at some point and will be difficult no matter the age! Congratulate your friend and dismiss your Mum's bizarre judgements

eeiizzol · 16/01/2021 04:44

I'm 27 had my DS 11 weeks ago. Married at 25 got a good career with progression. On the verge of buying a house this year 🤞🏽🤞🏽
27 is neither young nor old.

Baring that in mind I have friends who still live at home with their parents don't have a job with progression and not in a relationship and no kids. Then I have friends who have had kids when they were 16. There is no right or wrong age nor a right or wrong situation to be in. It's whatever works for you or that individual.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/01/2021 05:21

Op, all I can say as a woman and mum much older than yourself, and married 24+ years with 2 adult children, learn now to ignore what anyone else thinks about your life choices. You are an adult and their opinions are irrelevant. This is your life, not theirs.

RussellCrowesLeftEyebrow · 16/01/2021 05:29

I don't quite understand what you are saying. Your other friend and your mum went silent and then your pregnant friend was horrified?

A: why did they go silent? Did they actually say your friend is too young/too old? Or is there something else they were thinking?

B: was your pregnant friend there when this happened? Was she horrified because they didn't congratulate her?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/01/2021 06:57

I was 22 and no one was horrified. 27 is quite an average age for a baby I'd say.

Original poster

jenniferann232 · 16/01/2021 09:58

@Dalooah

Your horrified friend is being incredibly immature and is probably still seeing your friendship group as though their still 18 and just out of school.

You friend needs to grow up. My mum had 4 children before she was 30, her first at 23. Things are being pushed back later in our generation, but still incredibly acceptable to have children at 27! I personally don't think it's age that determines whether you're too young or too old but rather someone's life situation- financially stable, stable relationship etc etc.

You will not be too young at 29 and keep in mind that women who are pregnant after 35 are considered higher risk as they are 'geriatric pregnancies'- 35 is hardly old but closer to the pointy end of a woman's fertile years.

Exactly what I thought! Thank you! It was so awkward when I told this girl our school friend (we’re now all 27) was pregnant. I thought her response (she was horrified and laughed) was incredibly rude and immature! She then proceeded to tell me to ‘not get pregnant anytime soon’ because my ‘life would be over’ I just thought it was very immature of her. Although I should have expected it since she had a fit when she was my maid of honour about the dress appointment (long story, she was then demoted and almost gotten rid of altogether)

When I spoke to my mum I reminded her that this pregnant woman was a) 27 and my mum was 27 when she had me b) in a stable marriage and c) had a stable job and owned a house then my mum sort of agreed with me.
This other girl though, I think the mental age gap between us is getting larger by the week and after I’m married and when I have a baby no doubt she’ll be horrified and turn her nose up at me and well, that will be the end of our friendship and I’m getting to the point where I think I’ll be better off without her. All she does is be nasty about people behind their backs anyway

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 16/01/2021 10:01

Horrified? I have a 27 year old child she is a. Grown assed woman and.i couldn't see me being horrified if she was having a baby. Fwiw I finished having babies at 27 so...

sunsetorange · 16/01/2021 10:06

what a weird reaction. 27 is obviously not considered old but it is certainly not young in my mind to be having a baby.

twoofusburningmatches · 16/01/2021 10:11

The previous comment about the acceptable window to have a child being 32-33 made me laugh - that was my NCT group.

GreenyApples · 16/01/2021 10:19

Different people have different reactions, for all sorts of reasons. I wouldn't have been "horrified" because my mum didn't give the exact reaction you wanted. Never mind give this a second thought afterwards and post a massive long winded thread about it. Over reaction.

Rudens · 16/01/2021 10:33

I had my DD when I was 26. She is 1 year old now and we are thinking of having a second. I don't think it was too early at all.
I wasn't born in the UK so my perception about this is a bit different. Most of my friends from back home already have had babies before we were even trying for one. It's very common to be finished with having babies at 33/34 where I'm from while here it's a perfect age to start (totally agree with the PP about this being a perfect window to have a baby - most of my NCT group is of that age too :D)
I have felt like a teenager mother though, in my NCT group and among my friends too. Not many could understand when I said that my DD was planned.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 16/01/2021 10:37

I was 27 when my first was born, and I'm the late starter in my family - most of my relatives had babies between the ages of 16 to 21, the average being 18 🤷‍♀️

All of them are brilliant mums, despite some tricky circumstances at times. Your friend sounds like a judgy arsehole.

WifeToBe12 · 16/01/2021 10:50

@GreenyApples

Different people have different reactions, for all sorts of reasons. I wouldn't have been "horrified" because my mum didn't give the exact reaction you wanted. Never mind give this a second thought afterwards and post a massive long winded thread about it. Over reaction.

Ah I’m sorry I think you misunderstood the original post. I’m not horrified at anything, I was incredibly happy and excited for my friend.

Another girl I know was horrified that this woman was pregnant at 27 and I thought that was basically stupid but it got me thinking, one minute people say you’re too young then the next, you’re judged for being too old. That’s what the post was on about

Dreamylemon · 16/01/2021 11:07

People project their own ideas onto others.

Although I don't think your mum is immature for saying your life will be over. I would interpret that as her warning you that your options and freedoms are more likely to be more restricted after children and she is not wrong. Having babies at 27 for me personally would have been a struggle and hugely limited mine and DH careers. Waiting 3 years meant we were both on a far better place career wise/ financially etc to be able to work part time etc

I have 2 relatives - 1 had a baby at 25, married, has a house and stable job. Another is 30, lives with her parents and temp work. She wouldn't be in an ideal situation for a baby. I wouldn't judge her but I would recognise she might find it hard work.