DM called baby DD a little bitch.

[changedusernameforthisthreaaaa]

So DM is a kind and slightly tortured woman who truly loves me and my 3 dc. I am an only child. She is a people pleaser, socialises, keeps up with the joneses and has always been incredibly judgmental of me (needing perfect grades/weight/friends).

So there is something I can't let go of and I know I should. I only see DM once a year or two as she lives in Australia so it doesn't really factor in to my daily life but AIBU?

10 years ago when DD1 was a baby, 18 months old, DM was visiting and DM was going above and beyond and pushed herself too much. Trying to help with the house, baby, cooking, cleaning. I think she was trying to help me because she can't usually help me due to us living in different countries.

Anyway one day DM got really upset with DD (DD was being typical 18 month old, challenging with some food and wanting me, not Nan who was a bit of a stranger), DM was crying and said to me "DD is such a little bitch". DM said it with quite a bit of vitriol behind it and it shocked me.

So this was 10 years ago, so much has happened since then, 2 more DC, many visits etc but I have always been careful to not leave dc with her for too long for fear of overwhelming her and having a repeat. DD also struggles with social interactions now and it pains me to think others may judge her harshly because she doesn't always have a ready smile or congenial attitude.

what a rambling thread! I guess AIBU to still feel resentful of this comment? I think I am and should let it go but it plays on my mind on occasion.

Well it wasn’t right to say that and it would have been good to raise it with her then.
Agree with pp who wonder if actually it stirred up big feelings in you about how she treated you and how you felt when you were a child being mothered by her.that’s what I immediately thought. That would explain better why you said nothing to her at the time and why it still troubles you 10 years on. Feels as though it may have opened up fears you have of how you will escape some of the ways she mothered you when you mother your dd.
One of my siblings could have written your post - often used to project onto things my old ma did all sorts of stuff about their difficult relationship when both were younger.
May be wholly wrong. You sound remarkably thoughtful and aware. Agree might be helpful to talk it through if you think that would help.

"It was a horrible comment to make, but your DM was probably stressed at the time, and sometimes these things slip out."

Why was she stressed though?

She didn't have to do all that she was doing-she chose to!

And to then take it out on her 18month GD-that's bloody awful.

Your daughter may just be naturally shy & quiet.

She will make friends & keep them & they will value her for her.

Rather that than people who like her for a plastered on smile & fake persona.

Let it go, life is too short.

That’s something I would never forget, either.

It was ten years ago. Let it go OP

I think you are recalling it because of your DDs current issues. My DS (7) is also very socially unaware and struggles with his peers, but also with isolation, but I dont think he has ASD. Possibly ADHD. I often think back as to whether it is because of the complete lack of extended family presence / grandparent relationship since a baby.