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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone else losing it with poor behaviour from children?

58 replies

bridgerton · 15/01/2021 11:42

I cant homeschool my DD (5). Shes in reception and acts like an absolute clown every single day. I'm fed up. She cant sit down and do her daily activities, she always gets distracted by the trains outside or stares in to space chewing on the collar of her t-shirt. I cant get her to engage.

I've been leaving her with my mum whilst I work and she's very compliant. When I'm there, she just fucks around, argues, climbs everything and has been deliberately wetting herself. I honestly cant take this anymore. I don't recognise my 5 year old. What is going on with her?

OP posts:

TheCap · 15/01/2021 13:03

I’m struggling with my seven year old DD. She is a really good girl but is finding homeschooling so difficult. The school have online learning via Teams for most of the day but she can’t seem to engage with it. She’ll sit and listen but she’s distracted and when it comes to them having to complete the work (after the lesson) she is completely lost and asking me how to do it. Then I get frustrated because I’ve been doing my own work (I’m WFH) and obviously haven’t been listening to her school work (she’s on her own laptop with headphones) and she gets angry with me because I’m not explained it like the teacher would.
This is a complete contrast to my nine year old DD who completes every task with plenty of time to spare and will be fully engaged for every lesson. She also needs no input from me.
All I can do is reassure DD7 that she will be back in the classroom soon and encourage her to read and try to do some maths. I have no other solutions to what is a completely alien situation.

Adamsmummy123 · 15/01/2021 13:06

Please try not to worry....easier said than done I know! I am a very experienced primary teacher, behaviour specialist and Mum to a 10yo. Hardest job...Mum!! During the first lockdown my son was at home as DP furloughed. This time he is in school. So much easier. With your little one I would do fun activities that hide learning...baking, collecting objects to make collections-then sort, count, label, make a shop with. Do a daily weather chart, set up a role play game-something like a shop, toy museum, bakery, cafe! This situation won't last for so have some fun with it. Try setting up Zoom with friends for a daily babycino and chat! Take care and stay safe.

unmarkedbythat · 15/01/2021 13:09

Schoolwork is very, very low on our priority list. Thankfully ds3's school have stopped sending texts remind us that we must get the dc to complete the schoolwork; I think they have had a fair few responses of the "this is unhelpful. Please recognise that we all still have to go to work/ wfh etc and have not magicked up hours every day to engage in home schooling" kind.

nancy75 · 15/01/2021 13:09

To be fair I’m not surprised a 7 year old struggles with lessons in teams - my Dd is 15 & even she zones out of the teams lessons. It’s a very boring way to learn & not at all like they are used to.

Lifeisabeach09 · 15/01/2021 13:09

I wouldn't worry too much at that age. Focus on reading and very basic number work and the usual painting and drawing if you can.
Just think in many countries formal learning doesn't start to aged 7+ so I wouldn't stress about it.

thisismytopsecretname · 15/01/2021 13:13

Ugh you're definitely not alone! I have a 4 year old reception child who has autism and although she's doing really well in lockdown generally, trying to get her to do school work is very challenging. In her mind home is home and school is school! She has an EHCP so could actually go but I'm not sending her if I don't absolutely have to - school not as she knows it would be really distressing plus I'd rather not take up the provision that could go to a KW parent our tiny school has v limited places.

She's better on the mornings where we have a live lesson, then she kind of gets into school mode and it's a little easier.

I'm trying to homeschool an autistic four year old, whilst our neighbours are doing extensive and very noisy DIY (not hanging shelves/decorating think ripping out ceilings and having new heating installed!) which frequently sets her off into meltdown and juggle a very energetic two and a half year old. Thank christ I'm a stay at home mum with a partner who WFH who can step in to lend a hand occasionally when it all kicks off. If I was juggling a job myself it would literally be impossible. I take off my hat to you mums who are homeschooling and working yourselves at the same time.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 15/01/2021 13:15

Id try and meet her halfway. Can she make letters out of lego?
Mines the same at 6. Have agreed with school that she is going in the days dh is at work. I just cant deal with work and her - 4 meltdowns on wednesday. Not in uk.

BackwardsGoing · 15/01/2021 13:21

5 years old? Forget it. Try to do some reading with her and some numbers but I'd just focus on fun and play. The kids are lost and confused and upset. The parents are lost and confused and upset just do what you have to do to get through. She won't fall behind and she will be fine

KarenMarlow3 · 15/01/2021 13:21

Young children will not be educationally disadvantaged by missing a few weeks, even a few months, of school. Even the older ones (9, 10 year olds), will be able to catch up once things settle down.
In today's situation, it's more important that their mental well being is looked after. As long as they eat well, sleep well and get some exercise, the rest can be put on hold. It's fine if they are happy to do schoolwork, but if it's a struggle then just leave it. It won't blight their life chances.

tiramisualwaystiramisu · 15/01/2021 13:21

I'm really struggling with my 5 year old who is having complete meltdowns about what chair he sits in at lunchtime. Added to that a mischievous and stroppy 2.5 year old and homeschooling is causing a lot of upset. We have been given a chart by school to complete in terms of work. We started today and I've said that if all of the bits get done, I'll buy magazines tomorrow. We are also alternating between school work, playing on the tablet and family Zoom calls. It's still so hard though and we are finding it tough. Hoping next week will be better

Watermelon999 · 15/01/2021 13:27

Yes I can relate to this, especially today- I seem to remember Fridays being bad last summer too, and unluckily it is one of my days to supervise dc.

We have had a lot more mistakes due to not concentrating today which drags out the work.

I tend to find Mondays easier.

The worse thing for me is when the rest of the class share their work, or send it to the teacher and some are producing loads of great work. It’s demoralising.

FirstPost99 · 15/01/2021 13:29

I was also going to suggest five minute mum for little ones (reception/year one but you can adapt for older/younger ones). Her Instagram page is really good but she also has a website/blog if you don't have instagram. She has lots of games involving learning that kids enjoy and don't even realise they are doing writing/phonics etc

Nancylovesthecock · 15/01/2021 13:32

@bridgerton

for everyone else having to deal with this.

Looks like going back to basics is the answer. Shes relaxed playing with her Legos for hours on end. I just dont want her to fall behind at school. Her classmates are all eager to work but her.

Play with her. You can learn a lot about how she is feeling and what's bothering her through play.

When my DC act up there is always a reason a situation or feeling they don't know what to do about.

Thisischocolate · 15/01/2021 13:34

@formerbabe I’m expecting it to be at least Easter before the schools go back at the earliest. They aren’t expecting to vaccinate the elderly and vulnerable until mid-Feb so no way will they open the schools I don’t think. DH works in eduction SLT and he also does not expect the schools to re-open in Feb.

SandysMam · 15/01/2021 13:39

Yes yes yes!! Trying to work and home school. Feeling so stressed and unhappy whilst DH happily potters off to work each day but self employed so can’t take leave. I am failing at everything and want to cry most of the time.

Plonque · 15/01/2021 13:40

Her classmates are all eager to work but her.

This jumped out at me, please ignore any of the tidbits the other mums are throwing you via those damn class WhatsApp's, or whatever, I can almost guarantee that most of them are exaggerating or outright lying. Everyone is struggling, one way or another. But People like to outdo other people - especially where their kids are concerned. Very few will openly admit failure.
Please mute those people!

bathorshower · 15/01/2021 13:42

We're in a childcare bubble with another family from school. When the other children come here, they behave pretty well - they (mostly) get on with the tasks, and encourage DD to do so too, though she still stamps off in a strop periodically. The other mum said she's never had my DD strop off, but her own children do, quite a bit. That would fit with your DD behaving better for your mum. If you want good behaviour, you need to swap children I'm afraid!

TheCap · 15/01/2021 13:43

@Watermelon999

Yes I can relate to this, especially today- I seem to remember Fridays being bad last summer too, and unluckily it is one of my days to supervise dc.

We have had a lot more mistakes due to not concentrating today which drags out the work.

I tend to find Mondays easier.

The worse thing for me is when the rest of the class share their work, or send it to the teacher and some are producing loads of great work. It’s demoralising.

This is really unhelpful. At my daughters’ school the work is sent to the teacher on Class Dojo so I have absolutely no idea what the other kids are producing - and that’s the way it should be. I’d be contacting the Headteacher about not encouraging grandstanding from other parents

Comtesse · 15/01/2021 13:45

Everyone is losing it - why would kids be any different? Yanbu don’t panic, completely normal

DdraigGoch · 15/01/2021 13:48

@bridgerton

for everyone else having to deal with this.

Looks like going back to basics is the answer. Shes relaxed playing with her Legos for hours on end. I just dont want her to fall behind at school. Her classmates are all eager to work but her.

At least Lego is a constructive way for her to pass the time.

Tiktokersmiracle · 15/01/2021 13:49

Yeah I did today
It has been coming for weeks- both mine were isolating so missed the last two weeks before Christmas holidays so we've had them here for ages.
DD is a teen and winding me up with their attitude of treating it like half term. However they're pretty much upstairs out the way
DS however is constantly moaning. Constantly. He has been lippy for days and days. Properly rude.
This morning he got annoyed as he had RS which he hates and I said to him to just listen and do what he could and if stuck email his teacher. At which point he got really angry and called me a freak and a bitch and he hates me.
He does have Aspergers so I'm usually inclined to take a deep breath but I'm tired and sick of his attitude then hearing him be sweetness and light to teachers and I told him he will not be using the PC over the weekend for Minecraft and I said he's not the only one miserable due to this lockdown again except he doesn't also have to out up with him.
He did look shocked. He went upstair for 30 minutes, came back downstairs and had not spoken to me since. His dad did tell him off do at least I've got back up but oh god it's all I can do to wait until later for gin.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 15/01/2021 13:52

Teddy1970 I have the Microsoft family safety app on my phone. Roblox is BLOCKED. He he. As is steam and Minecraft. Not for me though!

NorthernChinchilla · 15/01/2021 14:06

Sympathies OP. We had 5 weeks back to back of SI last year then they closed the school mid Dec as C19 had led to half the classes and many of the teachers being off. So I couldn't even take her out to burn off any energy!

After day 2, finding myself in tears, I just stopped any work. Bit of counting here, few letters there, and lots of craft stuff and films. The only way we actually managed was because I wasn't at work (total breakdown brought on in part by the homeschooling/having to work 'fun' earlier).

It's almost impossible to stop the guilt, but if you can manage 3x10 mins spread through the day on school stuff, that'll do. And if you can't, just don't! Pure survival mode at the mo, and hopefully school will be understanding

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 15/01/2021 14:07

Could you email the school and ask the teacher to ring her?
We went through an awful phase with reception aged child in lockdown last year. She just came out of it by herself in the end but we were so worried. It helped having things to look forward to, so we would have a little 'party' at the weekend if we managed to do some work. Also it helped giving her a bit of control, I'd say 'the teacher has said we need to do these worksheets, would you prefer to do these first and get them out of the way so we can play, or shall we wake ourselves up with some exercise and do it after'. But even on a really good day we would only manage half an hour in the morning and again in the afternoon. And she wasn't behind when she went back to school

grannyinapram · 15/01/2021 14:09

losing what? their temper? the will to live? I've lost both

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