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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that a ' new' relationship that started through covid

41 replies

gestic · 14/01/2021 23:53

And its various lockdowns provide a good foundation for the relationship or are we living ina bubble of something that isn't real.
Long story short , met current man six months ago and through the various lockdowns we have been able to bubble up and spend eow and the odd night together. We are both divorced with kids.
We cannot do the usual
Date activities .. cinema, dinners, parties, family and friends events etc of course so we cook, walk, watch films, take short drives and abide by the rules .
I do wonder if this is a false sense of reality/ security ? We get on so well, spend hours in one another's company , eat, laugh, lots of Sex but it's a strange feeling as we've never done the dating part .
Perhaps I am worried that when the restrictions lift ,in god only knows when , whether we will last . If and when It will be back to normal , could it all fall apart ? Perhaps I am overthinking . I adore him and believe it's mutual and am looking forward very much to us actually dating but I wonder , because these restrictions are so weird, will we survive it as a couple and go on to develop . Who can tell I suppose but does anyone else think like this or AIBU ?

OP posts:

TheMawisbraw · 15/01/2021 00:16

Oh this is interesting, I hadn’t thought of this. I’ve been imagine things like “what would this be like if I was 18” or “the year I had my first baby”. I imagine you will be fine but I get what you mean, you’ve been in a (sorry that bloody word again) bubble

Palavah · 15/01/2021 00:19

I know what you mean - am in a similar situation. We've been out on dates and socialised when it's been allowed but otherwise we're in this artificially domestic setting where cosy is the only real option. What if we have completely different attitudes to travel, big nights out? What if we are boring in real life? What if we think the grass is greener when we get to socialise with other human beings again?

Original poster

gestic · 15/01/2021 00:24

And this is why I broached the topic because I am afraid of falling in love and getting really hurt !
We can't foretell I suppose but certainly we are in this domesticated little bubble and while we both really enjoy it, we spend our free weekends together so how will it be when one or other of us has family/ friend/ work occasions and or hobbies . This is where I could see resentment kicking I In. When we have been so used to each other .have any of you thought ahead or have any advice please

OP posts:

bibbidybobbidyboo · 15/01/2021 00:26

Well, maybe there's a chance that you only feel like this because of the circumstances, but then the same can be said of couples in the opposite situation: those who met "in normal life", have always been very happy but who are now having doubts because they're feeling the strain of lockdown. Whether you feel very positive or very negative in this bubble, it's basically impossible to predict if those feelings will be the same once we're through this bizarre period of time. I think that all that matters is that your relationship is making you happy right now. You sound very happy with him and that's a thing to be celebrated and enjoyed (especially given that everything else is pretty miserable at the moment).

Newkitchen123 · 15/01/2021 00:32

I thought you could only go in a bubble if you were a single person household. Have I got that wrong?

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2021 00:35

we cook, walk, watch films, take short drives

But that absolutely is dating and I think it sounds lovely. Like you're properly getting to know one another without the usual life distractions.

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2021 00:37

@Newkitchen123

I thought you could only go in a bubble if you were a single person household. Have I got that wrong?

Single adult household, not person.

Newkitchen123 · 15/01/2021 00:38

Thanks for clearing that up

Narniacalling · 15/01/2021 00:41

I know what you mean I am in the same boat. 6 months and we’ve never met each other’s friends! But we did spend Christmas together. It’s a bit crazy
I’m also worried, I’m also worried that it’s intense because we are just bored and now we are bubbled we may as well see each other. We can’t see anyone else!

But I would say as an older person as I presume you are, don’t fall in love!! I’ve had a few stirrings and I think, don’t be silly. We don’t know each other. So I’m deliberately holding back on that front.

VanGoghsDog · 15/01/2021 00:44

Hmm....I think I'd be wary on the basis you might have very different ideas on what dating is and what a night out is.

I like to go out in a few dates, be treated nicely, see how we get on etc. If you go straight to domesticity then I feel men can get a bit too comfortable too quickly.

It would be nice if it does last though!

IDKNABYBIF22 · 15/01/2021 00:48

we cook, walk, watch films, take short drives

I think having a nice long walk and cooking a meal at home is much better for getting to know someone than a meal out. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now, and it's been an adjustment to spending so much time together over lockdown. Not a hard one as such, but pre covid we both went out separately with friends or for hobbies regularly, and now we are so used to spending all of our free time together, it will be strange to go back to "normal life" (if it's still out there).

Original poster

gestic · 15/01/2021 00:48

Feels good that I'm nt on my own here!!! Thought I was overthinking and being ridiculous worrying about the what ifs ... It is valid though ! I am very outgoing , sociable and bubbly.. he is chatty, funny but completely laid back .. He goes along with whatever is happening . I try to imagine social situations and am really hoping that we work easily when faced with reality . Yes we are both late 40's . Enjoying the present moment is possibly The best thing to do right now.

OP posts:

Narniacalling · 15/01/2021 00:50

I’m worried because I think he’s a bit of a loner and I’m like you say, quite outgoing!
If it was in normal times I would be seeing my pals a lot!
But I’m trying to enjoy the moment! All the same things as you. And FUCKING hell it’s cheered me right the fuck up after not seeing a soul for the entire last lockdown.

Original poster

gestic · 15/01/2021 00:53

@VanGoghsDog I feel that we are very comfortable , hopefully not so much so that we don't enjoy the dating part when it comes along. We treat each other well and like to surprise each other with little treats and care about each other very much shown through thought being put into dinner/ meals/ wines/ films/ and always preparing something lovely for when the other comes to visit . I'm not used to that level of thoughtfulness and being cared for and neither is he so perhaps it really is dating . It just feels like we are doing everything in reverse!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

gestic · 15/01/2021 00:55

@Narniacalling ... it really is lovely but I can get easily carried away so I am a bit cautious !

OP posts:

UpsyDaisysarmpit · 15/01/2021 08:03

I would say enjoy it! No, it is not the same as if you'd met in other ways but in some ways it is better. And not much different from people who meet at University in the same halls, for example. It sounds lovely and like you are good for each other.

Blanca87 · 15/01/2021 08:16

I would have assumed the opposite- if you can rub along in a domestic setting and don’t feel suffocated and both share the same idea about sharing the domestic labour , money and have great sex, surely that is the golden ticket and indicates longevity. Going out for dinner, drinks etc is just a fun add-on. Relationship should be about partnership not dates and drinks. Enjoy what you have it sounds promising. ❤️

Palavah · 15/01/2021 08:20

@gestic

This exactly. As I wrote my earlier reply ai thought 'FFS stop overthinking!'.

It may or may not work out in real life. But would you throw it away now? Enjoy it for what it is. And keep it fun.

Godimabitch · 15/01/2021 08:21

I think you're in a bubble tbh but all new couples are in a bubble of some sort, the start is the best bit. Its later that you start seeing their worst qualities.
It depends what both of yours worst qualities are. If its stuff at home then you'd be seeing that more. If it's stuff outside the home, like being a dick to waiters or not wanting to do anything together, going out too much and getting paralytic etc then you wont see that yet.

worriedandannoyed · 15/01/2021 08:29

@Newkitchen123

I thought you could only go in a bubble if you were a single person household. Have I got that wrong?

A single adult household....

DaphneBridgerton · 15/01/2021 08:42

@Newkitchen123

SERIOUSLY?

My God I am getting sick of people piping up with these passive aggressive questions relating to covid rules on threads that are NOT specifically asking about the rules

If you were genuinely asking then I'm sorry but perhaps you can Google it next time, it's not hard to find the answer to your question

Narniacalling · 15/01/2021 08:54

It’s all about the bubbles! I think you can tell if someone is a good or kind person? How they act in general - I only see my boyfriend at weekends but we talk a lot during the week.
And we have been out for dinner etc a bit when we were allowed.
As cautious as I am, I think if you can get through this with kindness any humour then maybe it’s a keeper.

Even having the bubble conversation was something that was a bit intense and you would never do in normal times after 2 months of knowing someone!! So if that went ok then I think it’s positive!!

Original poster

gestic · 15/01/2021 10:38

Yes it was though he is very open! When the bubble idea was announced , he jumped straight in and suggested it but it like it was a foregone conclusion as it naturally felt like the thing to do ! I couldn't be happier but I did worry that it was a false sense of security .

OP posts:

HugeAckmansWife · 15/01/2021 10:48

To be honest my 4 year relationship is a bit like this anyway. We are divorced, have kids, don;t want to blend families or do step parenting so we have been "dating" for 4 years. We only see each other when we have time for each other and have lovely time. I don't need to be with him 24/7 arguing about the bins or whatever. Its a great relationship - though some on here would say its not a proper one, we're not partners or not committed, but it works. Enjoy it OP - not every relationship has to last forever anyway. If it ends, it doesn't mean it was wrong.

justchecking1 · 15/01/2021 10:55

I think what you've got is Priya pretty good grounding. At least you know you get along!

I know two couples that have separated during lockdown. Without the distraction of other people, and activities, and outside interests/hobbies, it turned out they didn't actually like each other very much and had nothing in common to talk about

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