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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to hurl a heavy object at dp?

64 replies

PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 27/10/2007 23:58

I saw him at lunchtime for 20 mins when we did a shift change with the dd's and i went to work.
I came home at 9.20 and had a bath,we spoke for 2o mins then he went to sleep.

He doesn't understand why i am pissed off.

OP posts:
Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 27/10/2007 23:59

God he annoys me.

OP posts:
gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:01

You spoke for 20 minutes

Wow, that would be a miracle in this house!

gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:04

Are you ok?

Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:04

I don't know why we bother half the time
maybe after 15 years a relationship is supposed to fizzle out.

OP posts:
gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:06

Sorry x posts. Oh I don't know about relationships fizzing out at 15 years. I think they go through periods of ups and downs. We have been married for 15 yrs and have gone through terrible times, but are settled at the moment.

You sound very unhappy though. Does he know how you feel?

Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:08

We have never been all hearts and flowers tbh ,i think we just settled with each other cos it was easy to.

OP posts:
Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:09

He makes my blood boil sometimes.

OP posts:
gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:12

Yeah, we are much the same. Wonder sometmes if its the girls that have kept us together. But it is better them having the two of us together.

Don't do anything drastic. I do think that the hearts and flowers are over-rated and can be used to cover over problems rather than deal with them iykwim. Sticking together despite your differences means much more as long as you can communicate.

gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:13

And dh makes my blood boil at times. But those times pass. No doubt they will arise again though.

Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:15

Thanks
I sometimes wonder if we are the only couple with such a relationship.
sometimes though,just sometimes i would like to feel 31 and not 61 iykwim?

OP posts:
gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:16

I don't know if I'm saying what you want to hear, but i just feel that it's important to try to work out your problems. It seems so easy these days to give up but that rarely brings people happiness. You must have loved one another at some point and with a bit of work you may be able to bring that back.

I know it's not easy though. We went through a terrible patch a few years ago and I actually left with the girls. But we sorted it out in time and are doing ok now.

Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:17

and there are times when i think to myself that if we only get one chance at life then i have just wasted it by settling,should i have looked for the hearts and flowers?

OP posts:
gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:17

pelvic, I think EVERYONE in a long term relationship feel like this.

how old are your children? do you and your dh get time away on your own? i think that is really, really important.

Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:18

We have been,(well i say we but dp is quite happy to drift on as we are)like this more since the birth of dd2.

OP posts:
gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:18

No, hearts and flowers and superficial. Men who are cheating on their wives can buy flowers - it means nothing. It's the sticking by someone which is important.

Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:20

dd1- is 5
dd2-is 22 months

Sex life is non existant (sp?)

OP posts:
gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:21

Keep x posting - sorry!

Have you been away together since having dd2?

Maybe putting aside time for yourselves is what you need to increase the romance. It's hard with young children - your life centres on them and you tend to put yourself and your relationships last.

Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:21

We don't do anything as a couple(have always been homebirds really) but mostly because i have confidence issues but also we are always too tired

OP posts:
Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:22

x

No haven't been away.

OP posts:
gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:22

Can you get a babysitter?

Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:23

Probably but i can't think of anything we could do .

OP posts:
gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:26

Just go out for a meal together. Have a few drinks - nothing extravagent. Just spending the time talking will be enough. If there's anything I've learned it's spending time on yourself and your relationship. You need time away from the children to remember who you are and why you chose the person you are with. He is still there and so are you - you've just got lost in bringing up the children. You have probably both lost your identities.

If it's any consolation, this changes when the children get older. You do start to have more time for yourselves and things settle down. If you can just get through this I'm sure you will be glad you stuck it out later down the line.

gibberish · 28/10/2007 00:27

extravagant sorry

Original poster
PelvicfloorLotsofGore · 28/10/2007 00:30

When i am feeling less angry with him i may suggest doing something.
I find it is always me who has to start the 'deep' conversations and try to make changes,he is quite happy plodding on[dull]
One day i may just think why bother? i am wasting my energy.

Thanks for talking Gibberish ,you have been very kind

OP posts:
Neverenoughpumpkins · 28/10/2007 00:36

Hang in there, Pelvic, all relationships have tough times. But I agree with gibberish that time together has to be contrived and prioritised-we haven't looked back since we designated a regular "date night" 5 years ago.
Hope things improve-I'm sure they will.