Why is it so hard to teach your own child?

[mymindminecraft]

My DS is in reception, so I understand the work, I can get my head around phonics and the quirky terms they seem to have for everything maths related bloody number sentences.

Normally I have great patience to play games with my kids, or do messy crafts or baking, but I can't seem to teach them. I can even explain it, I feel like I want to explode with frustration trying to get DS to write or just actually look at the word in the book to read it rather than guessing from the pictures. Ahhhhhhhhhh and it seems to take so long. I know young children have short attention spans, but we achieve nothing.

It's properly torturous. My DC is in y2 so a bit more reasonable than yours in reception. Though your DC must be doing so much learning through play? Sounds like you maybe don't have to worry too much?

I've found tackling the least-liked thing in the morning helps. Loads of breaks. Snacks for bribery. There's loads of home ed blogs out there, I follow the Imagination Tree, it's really nice for setting up little play opportunities (though mine never look as good). The play dough recipe is amazing!

Teachers are trained to teach, I am not.

I couldn't perform open heart surgery for the same reason.

I wouldn't expect a teacher to start my job tomorrow and be able to just do it with no training.

My kids see me as Mum, not a teacher, I can supplement what they already know but I can't teach them and that is why this whole 'Home Learning' thing is a load of crap.

Teaching my yr 3 ds is torture, and I'm training to be a TA. I would really rather have a whole classroom of 5 year olds. Like pp said, he sees me as mum and as far as he is concerned, everything that comes out of my mouth is a criticism. Even the words "well done"!

I think partly the social constructs around school. My mum was a fabulous teacher. She tried to reach me the piano when we were little and we argued and fell out and we stopped. But she could go into classroom and handle the worst behaviour amazingly. I went to school and was a really well behaved student. It’s a mixture of teacher training plus peer pressure to also behave and learn. My daughter is the same. Really keen to learn from her teacher, doesn’t even believe I know how to spell words 🤣

Even for people who are trained teachers I think teaching your own can be difficult. It is somehow easier with the buzz of a whole class. The intensity of 1-1 can be difficult.

Your kids see you as ‘mum’ and not a teacher. Children always save their worst behaviour for their parents. Also I think even the smallest children need the peer pressure of being with other children in order to learn. Plus they don’t get as much 1 on 1 time in school so they aren’t used to the intensity of being taught at home by mum. I have a 5yo and 7yo so I understand how hard it can be. Just do what you can BUT do not make yourself stressed. It’s not worth it for either of you.

I agree that for many children its the social conforming /wanting to fit in.
I also think they learn from each other a lot.

I'm not doing anything with my daughter who is reception age apart from some phonics. The work they are sending home is pretty rubbish compared to what I've seen friends children doing so I'm not going to stress over it! Plus she doesn't listen to a word I say anyway haha

I'm just following the basics then sticking to what mine likes doing. He can read pretty well, and his maths is quite a bit beyond the work they set (utterly numbers obsessed, possible ASD before I get accused of stealth bragging). They set work to make homemade slime or minor water features which my older one with his sensory issues just wouldn't do (even if I did have all the bloody ingredients in). I'm not forcing anything, who needs to be bloody miserable over schoolwork at this age.

They're 4/5 years old. As long as they're keeping their brains active in some way, imaginary play, looking at pictures, singing to Disney songs, then it's more than enough.

We home Ed - kids have never been to school.

whilst I can get them clued up on anything they’re/we’re interested in DH is like you & gets really frustrated. They all refuse to let him do any “work” with them now

I think in our case it’s because DH sees teaching as something he does TO them like they are empty & he will fill them but I see it as exploring things with them & it’s something we do together.
Also if DH explains something he assumes that anyone not understanding is in the wrong. If I explain something & they don’t understand I assume the explanation is at fault & find other ways to explain/demonstrate.

OTOH I think you’re talking about a 4 or 5 yr old so I would say just read to them as much as possible & they’ll get there by themselves anyway

I’ve been a teacher for fifteen years. Taught across the primary range, all kinds of challenging children, all kinds of needs, you name it.

Can I teach my own children? Nah!
I’m mam. Not miss. That’s why it’s impossible.

I have a 10 year old and a 6 year old. I gave up any home learning today as their behaviour was off the charts awful.
They're now fully banned from all screens unless learning. I doubt it'll work.

Trained teacher here, good at it and love it! Couldn’t teach my reception year old child last lockdown. Although I found it fascinating and thoroughly enjoyed it I didn’t communicate that to her.

This lockdown I’m working (last time I wasn’t) so she’s at school and I’m so relieved! Teaching your own child is killer.

It's fine for your lo to use pictures to help him decode words right now - just make sure he looks at the word as well as the picture and that's fine. You could also take turns in reading a page each, get him to look at the words and run your finger under them as you read them. I used to listen to readers and it can be quite tedious with this age :-D

These are the exact words your child hears you speak :
"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah don't do that blah blah blah blah blah blah no blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"
That's why you can't teach them.

I have implemented the school sunshine and cloud system which helps me get his concentration. He has grassed up his teddies for various, petty infractions mind

Teachers are trained to teach, I am not.

I don't think it's as simple as that, I know quite a few teachers who find it hard to teach their own child at home. In fact, I know one whose child was in his class and they had an excellent classroom relatioship but at home it was quite different.

I used to be an early years teacher and even I'd struggle in your shoes! The main thing in reception is playing with others and building confidence / independence and obviously it's impossible to recreate most of that in your own home. A capable, qualified teacher would struggle with a blast of 20 mins of 1-1 phonics and then nothing to break up the day, just more relentless 1-1 time. It's not you that's the problem, it's just the situation and it's beyond your control. You're probably doing great

I think it's also because as a teacher you want you've class to do well and progress etc but as a parent you're so much more bothered if they aren't learning/concentrating as much as we think they should.

When one of mine was in Reception, I'd
find it really frustrating if she didn't remember the words from one page to the next bit when the same year I did some reading with the parallel class in school, I had endless patience because I wasn't personally invested in it.

I am a teacher.
I cannot get my own children to listen when I was teaching a zoom class the other day.
That tells you something.
Your own child doesn’t want to know because they are YOUR child. You are mummy to them, their safe space, you’re not a teacher and as far as your own kids are concerned you’re just a mum. That’s why it’s impossible to do!

Judging by some of the classroom videos my DD's teacher put up on Tapestry before lockdown, in class DD tends to be quiet and reserved; at home she's very chatty. The effect of a class full of other children on her is significant, as is the difference in the effect between a teacher present in the room and a prerecorded video on Google classroom. So I don't think her teacher and I tend to see quite the same aspects of her, and that affects my experience of teaching her.

I'm a teacher. Decade of experience before becoming a SAHM.
It's horrific. My DCs make me miss Friday afternoons with set 4 y8 and y9

I'm not helped by DS1 having ASD so particular trouble with the environment, context and role. He knows I'm a teacher, he remembers my old classroom, but I am his mum (which explains why he went and stood in my dress in front of 30 y9s the afternoon his class was affected by strike action and there was no other childcare option)

There's no role modeling from peers.
There's no escape. This time round it's tough to even get out of the house between 4+ hours of live lessons (plus other learning), minimal daylight and shit weather.
Teaching methods are very static and not sociable. There is little variation of teaching style.

I'm trying to do battle with a 10yo with multiple SENs who has less independence than average, and a 7yo who isn't very mature and copies his brother. (Oh yeah add in sibling rivalry). I understand the work. I understand how to differentiate it. I still feel like I'm trying to single handedly push two huge rocks up a hill at the same time.

Oh and no chance for me to emotionally refresh myself either. We're all constantly jaded and drained.

Oh and university students are struggling with lengthy days of virtual chalk and talk. No wonder primary age are floundering.

YR and y1 have the advantage that a lot of their curriculum content can be covered naturally by reading and doing things. Y3 & y5 doesn't work like that. Neither have they got the longer attention spans that develop with age (not that secondary id magically OK, but more children can do more with less input)

I just do the basics as they are learning through play anyway.

DD's school asked us to do a floor plan of our house! I emailed the teacher to say we can't do this as I can't see my floor due to the lack of toys, paper, pens etc.

Read everyday with them and let them play.

My DD is year 2 and my frustration levels are as high as my 2 year old is when he's jumping off the windowsills because I can't be in two places at once. 😩