Why is it so hard to teach your own child?

[mymindminecraft]

My DS is in reception, so I understand the work, I can get my head around phonics and the quirky terms they seem to have for everything maths related bloody number sentences.

Normally I have great patience to play games with my kids, or do messy crafts or baking, but I can't seem to teach them. I can even explain it, I feel like I want to explode with frustration trying to get DS to write or just actually look at the word in the book to read it rather than guessing from the pictures. Ahhhhhhhhhh and it seems to take so long. I know young children have short attention spans, but we achieve nothing.

@CaptainMyCaptain

Even for people who are trained teachers I think teaching your own can be difficult. It is somehow easier with the buzz of a whole class. The intensity of 1-1 can be difficult.

On screen version of school isn’t school. So much is to do with peers

I meant to say I concur

@audweb

I think partly the social constructs around school. My mum was a fabulous teacher. She tried to reach me the piano when we were little and we argued and fell out and we stopped. But she could go into classroom and handle the worst behaviour amazingly. I went to school and was a really well behaved student. It’s a mixture of teacher training plus peer pressure to also behave and learn. My daughter is the same. Really keen to learn from her teacher, doesn’t even believe I know how to spell words 🤣

I think this is very apt. Even within schools, different members of staff are afforded with different levels of respect by children, merely because of their roles. The hierarchies within school are all stlocial constructs that children learn at a young age.

You do teach your children things all the time. It's just hard to teach them school things because we have a society that sets kids up to know that schools teach school things.

Oh, and early years teachers generally have the patience of saints, which definitely helps!

We're in a childcare bubble with another family. I commented to the other mum that at least her children don't stomp off when they don't want to do something (no prizes for guessing what mine does). It turns out they do when they're at home, and if my DD is there, she behaves perfectly. You'd do much better swapping your child with a friend's one in terms of teaching/behaviour!

I am a piano and violin teacher. I tried and failed to teach my own children so they went to other teachers where they did really well. I think the parent-child dynamic is too close and we expect too much from our own children, which they resent. I would not worry too much with a reception aged child; they will learn a lot through play and being read to even if they are not seeming to do much “work.”

God this is so reassuring, as i totally failed today! Ended up going out for a walk in the rain instead.

Ilovemaisie that’s so funny! I’m sure that’s what mine hears!

Sorry, no tips from me and I'm a KS1 teacher. My children (now adults) were a fricking nightmare to do anything school like with. It's as other people have said; they saw me as mum not their teacher. It was a constant moan as they grew up - "You're not my teacher, how would you know?" 😂

I used to home ed - I think you just have to do the activity and be as jolly as you can and not worry if they don't get it first time.

When teachers do lessons, many of the kids are looking out the window.

Think of sneaky ways to get them to practice what you wanted them to - make up games and ask them to write or read certain things.

Don't do too much book work as it gets boring.

Remember how they learnt to speak? By practicing. So practice practice practice. Don't worry if they can't write their name today, decide how many times they need to practice and find a fun way to do that. Every time they'll improve.

Sorry if I'm going on, but I had a LOT of anxiety when mine were at home and had to calm myself down

Because your relationship is intrinsically different, and they are out of their normal setting. Everything has been disrupted, they have no friends to play with, and twinkle sheets on the kitchen are in no way equivalent to a properly trained and experienced teacher who gets to give them back at 3pm, and frankly has some kind of magic affect on kids.

I honestly think it throws a lot of kids that their school box and home box are no longer separate.

Our HT said his wife was struggling to teach their 3 children. She is a qualified primary teacher but it is still different with your own.

I'm a secondary teacher and would gladly take 30 sulky 16 year olds in school then my three around the kitchen table. At school everyone knows the roles and boundaries and how we do it. Homeschooling last lock down was awful. I'm teaching full time this time so the kids are in school and it's so much easier on my mental health

I have the opposite issue. I watch DD’s teacher explain things really badly, we switch off the zoom and I can explain it in a couple of minutes...really irritating and complete waste of everyone’s time.

As PP's have said, it's a different relationship. Our school was lucky to have an absolutely brilliant swimming instructor, able to coax the most reluctant swimmers into confidence and competence. But to her frustration, she had to pay somebody else to teach her own son. She was just mummy, what did she know?

I have a mum friend who said she didn't any homework and didn't do any homeschooling last year spring lockdown when her son was in year R ( and he was one of the oldest in the year.) She said her sons YR 1 teacher this year spoke to her to say he's majorly behind. I suppose things like this scare me about being chill about it.

I also have memories about my parents not helping me with school stuff and me struggling a lot. I did actually ask my mum about it the other day on a video call and she said I refused to be helped. But she also said she is old fashioned and doesn't believe in homework. Now I can see some of the issue maybe was the parents dynamic, but I do remember asking her and my Dad to test me on spellings and them saying I should test myself

I'll try to be more fun tomorrow, maybe more games on the floor less table top !

I struggle to stay patient with the blankness and the guessing and the fidgeting and flopping because I was a quick learner (no genius, but could always do the work for my age) and it terrifies me that DS learns slowly and forgets quickly. I have to control that anxiety and not let it make me bad tempered with DS.

Although I do think he could try harder. Or try. At all

Awful just awful.
Ah my foot is itchy
I banged my knee
Drops pen on floor
Im hungry
I cant see i need glasses
Anything but reading the bloody word p a nnnn its pan ffs and i know she already knows it
Yes im getting stressed with it too

In a real (mainstream) classroom situation, your child might be one of about 30. They get input from the teacher and then get on with it whilst receiving support when their hand goes up. Realistically many children can work independently for some of the time.

Some teachers find teaching their own child difficult too. I googled it once and apparently it’s because of the intense emotional connection. Every error feels more important than it really is “you doesn’t understand?? Omg he’s going to never have a proper job’”.

As other have said, it’s about the dynamic. At school, most children know that they have to comply - they know the rules and what is expected, not just by their teachers but their peers too.

At home it’s completely different.

Because the emotional stake is so much higher. For a parent, when your child needs lots of explanation or doesn’t get something then you start to worry there is something wrong with them. Then the child senses parental disappointment so strongly - much different to teacher feedback.

I teach 4/5 year olds.
My dd is in my class .
She is doing the work I have created and assigned her.
She is driving me nuts....

Oh yeah P....a.....n ...... pot. What ?! No there isn't an O or a T grrrrrrrrr try again P... i..n, No it's an O. But Mum Pin is a word. Yes, but not this word...

Think a lot of things parents experience teachers experience all day but we are used to it. Children look around/ day dream/ chat/ fiddle with stuff/ ask for bathroom at crucial moment..all day every day in school. It's just part of our job. I think parents expect children to get stuff immediately and sit quietly. In school we repeat/ repeat and repeat even more.
I love teaching even after more than 30 years but hearing what your kids do...yea that sounds like school.. Children do learn from each other though so ye are missing that. Singing songs together/ saying poems together..the strong ones carry the others and suddenly they all know it.
I found teaching my own kids fine as they seem to pick up stuff better individually than in the group situation. They were sort of dreamers in class.

@zoemum2006

Some teachers find teaching their own child difficult too. I googled it once and apparently it’s because of the intense emotional connection. Every error feels more important than it really is “you doesn’t understand?? Omg he’s going to never have a proper job’”.

🤣🤣🤣