AIBU to think that the world (aka mumsnet) is full of really quite petty, unpleasant and uncharitable people?

[Poorlykitten]

So many posts crammed with unpleasantness, folk suggesting dobbing their child’s teachers in for not providing enough work (or too much) or thinking that keyworkers are being too grabby and reporting them to their management or wanting to call the covid police on their neighbours ! I mean has it always been like this or have we just got more nasty and petty in lockdown? I really can’t believe some of the suggestions and posts from mumsnetters and starting to find it a bit much.

Some people are unpleasant and selfish, what else is new. There wouldn't be any neighbours war or any need for the police if the world was full of reasonable individuals. There was an article about kids toys stolen in GOSH one year! How low can you get!

Some people complain for nothing, others don't agree with people abusing the system. The rules are inconvenient for everybody, not putting up with others taking the piss and making it worst for everybody sounds pretty reasonable to me.

you don't have to complain, but if others were respecting the rules, there wouldn't be any need to report would it.

It's a forum called am I being unreasonable, of course it's going to be full of examples of all of the people behaving unreasonably.

Unfortunately when people are finding life tough it brings out a tendency to be angry and resentful of others. Lots finding it tough right now for obvious reasons.

I'm with you, OP. It seems that most people, when given the veil of anonymity, are kind of c**ts.
Find good people in real life, and spend time with them.

I think everyone is much more grumpy and scared at the moment, which doesn't help.

But also, 'petty' is a subjective judgement. If two people disagree over whether covid is an emergency situation or not, they're then going to disagree over whether objecting to people breaking guidelines is petty or reasonable.

You've got people who believe that the covid situation is a serious emergency, so they see some of the rule-breaking as just as antisocial and dangerous as drink driving. So they are sincerely and genuinely outraged by the rule-breaking - they're not being petty and vindictive over a tiny thing, because they don't see it as a tiny thing.

But then you've also got people who (for whatever reason) don't think covid is that much of an emergency. They don't see the rule-breaking as anything like drink driving but as more like a school-uniform violation or not buying a TV licence, so of course they equally genuinely and sincerely believe that the people complaining about rule-breaking are just vindictive curtain twitchers.

And never the twain shall meet...

That doesn't mean there aren't petty complainers out there, or that there aren't wilfully selfish rule-breakers. You get people making petty complaints about silly things in normal times, and you get people who drink drive. They're all out there. But I think an awful lot of the disagreements about covid rules stem from people having different understandings of the pandemic, not people's characters.

Are you one of the workers who send the begging requests on Social media tagging people? Because that's what the thread was about. It's essentially bullying someone into providing something for free. Because what happens if someone says publicly "sorry, can't". They will get jumped on and bullied by randoms.

That's NOT ok. I think you got your unpleasant sides confused there.

I voted YABU because everyone is petty and unreasonable sometimes, but MN (and IABU in particular) invites/brings out the worst in us. As does most anonymous, faceless social media.

Plus the circumstances of the past year (gestures bleakly at all of this ) can bring out the worst in people.

I've also seen MN be a place where people offer encouragement, advice, support, expertise to people they've never met and never will, and for which they'll get no payment and little credit.

You might like Netmums hun.

folk suggesting dobbing their child’s teachers in for not providing enough work (or too much)

The government have encouraged this with asking parents to report schools to OFSTED if they were unhappy with the provision. Parents at some schools have been emailing OFSTED to compliment schools instead

Let me just add that, as I saiad on the thread, if it was done differently, it would absolutely not be a problem. "We are running out of hand creams, can anyone spare some?" Great. Absolutely understandable and fine. But tagging avon ladies etc, is basically strongarming them into saying yes. Nasty

@ghostvillage

folk suggesting dobbing their child’s teachers in for not providing enough work (or too much)

The government have encouraged this with asking parents to report schools to OFSTED if they were unhappy with the provision. Parents at some schools have been emailing OFSTED to compliment schools instead

fair enough

but just look back at threads from last spring where parents were forever complaining about getting nothing from the schools.

You have seen what they complain about and you think they are petty, unpleasant and uncharitable.

Interesting. Reminds me of this:

I am strong-minded; you are stubborn; they are pigheaded.

I see far, far more nice and supportive posts than I do actually horrible ones.

@VettiyaIruken

I see far, far more nice and supportive posts than I do actually horrible ones.

Yes, me too.

Problem is- the nasty unpleasant people garner more attention than the nice ones so the threads go on and on and on making it appear like they are everywhere.

There are definitely some vile people on here though who seem to take literal pleasure from being unkind. Then youve got the negative people who cant seem to allow any positivity or hope to flourish- they have to drag down anyone with helpful suggestions or nitpick and criticise every teeny tiny thing whilst contributing nothing themselves of course, except to spread their internal misery.

But there are also some really lovely, kind, and sensible posters and they are the reason I stay.

Meh! Your average Mumsnetter never answers the door and only communicates by handwritten notes, because they don't like 'confrontation'

Therefore I think the world is reasonably safe.

I disagree. The majority of people are still well intentioned and happy to offer assistance to others if necessary. This is the AIBU thread so a high level of discontent is expressed here. It is its purpose.

but just look back at threads from last spring where parents were forever complaining about getting nothing from the schools.

God I know, there have been many horrendous threads and some have been vile. Teachers - some of us appreciate you.

And woe betide anyone who uses words that the mn mafia don’t agree with (hubby, chrimbo, nibbles... )

There is hell of a lot of absolutely lovely people on another board (not aibu). Very supportive, absolutely great to read.

@Paanda

And woe betide anyone who uses words that the mn mafia don’t agree with (hubby, chrimbo, nibbles... )

Ok hun

It’s not just on the AIBU thread, although this is significantly worse than elsewhere. It’s just people generally being unkind or wanting to ‘report’ people. I find that really bizarre and makes me very uncomfortable that folk are happy to jump on these ideas.

It might have something to do with Covid - fear, frustration, anger...
Some people might use the relative anonymity of MN to get their agression out.

I’m sure some people join forums at least partly because they enjoy having a safe, anonymous go at other people.
I’ve seen it on entirely different forums to this, and long before Covid reared its bastard head..

It's a tough thing to consider but it's how the Nazis rose to power.

Unfortunately many people are inherently insecure and/or envious of others so do what they can to make themselves feel better. This is often at others' expense.

I find the small-mindedness and ignorance terrifying.

Mumsnet is mild compared to some parts of social media. Keyboard warriors, same as people who will be unpleasant in emails, text messages etc, who would never behave like that in face to face situations (remember those?).